“Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)” · Season 7
In this episode: Mr. Burns (2), Chief Wiggum (2), Homer Simpson (1), Moe Szyslak (1), Waylon Smithers (1), Eddie (1)
[Smithers sits in a confessional.]
Father, I'm not a Catholic, but... I tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day parade... anyway, I've got a rather large sin to confess. I'm the one who... [breaks down sobbing] who shot Mr. Burns!
[Chief Wiggum opens the screen and cocks his pistol.]
That's all I needed to hear. Boy, this thing works great.
[Eddie and Lou interrogate Moe with a lie detector.]
Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
No. [buzz, red light] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him! [ding, green light]
Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] A date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog! [buzz] ... [hangs head] Sears catalog. [ding] Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
[Homer is pointing Chief Wiggum's gun at Mr. Burns's forehead]
Say it, Burns! Say I never shot you! ...before.
[unaware] Shot? By you, my primitive friend, I'm afraid not. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits to correctly operate a firearm. The one who shot me was...[scans the crowd; screams] MAGGIE SIMPSON!
Officers, arrest the baby!
Yeah, right, pops. No jury in the world is gonna convict a baby... maybe Texas.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
