Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lisa

Daaaad! I can't listen to this horror!

Homer

Okay, I'm onto it.

Lisa

Thank you.

Homer

Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer?

Marge

Homer Simpson, the only time you shut your mouth is to keep food inside!

Homer

Why you little --

Bart

I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home.

Homer

Why you disappointing --

Bart

You know, you're choking someone who can vote.

Homer

But did you vote?

Bart

No.

Homer

Why you little --

Homer

[reading book title] "Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon".

Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!

Marge

Homer, what's your favorite movie?

Homer

Fast and Furious 6.

Marge

And what's the theme of that movie?

Homer

Cars.

Marge

What was the OTHER theme?

Homer

[gasps] Family.

Homer

Well, we did it, kids. And the best thing is, the next episode will beat Gunsmoke.

Bart

What about all the episodes they made on the radio?

Homer

[mad] Have a beignet.

Ned

[plays Christian parody rock music in the car]

Homer

Maybe we should talk.

Ned

Well, of course, my friend! Wanna talk about Jesus?

Homer

No.

Ned

Wanna talk about Ecclesiastes?

Homer

No.

Ned

Wanna talk about baby Jesus?

Homer

[turns Christian rock back on]

Bart

Gross, the remote has a cord on it!

Homer

My first remote. Coincidentally, the same time I got fat.

Maude Flanders says hello.

Homer

[cheerfully] Hello!

Let's move! [they leave]

Thank you, Bart. I'm finally at peace. [starts to float away]

Bart

You know Ned remarried?

He WHAT?!

Bart

Dad!

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart] life-saving, heaven can waiting!

Bart

Ho-ho. One Sumatran Breeding Rat, already in labor.

Homer

[opens Bart's bedroom door, sternly] You paid for mail-order rats when your grandfather's nursing home is full of them? [the scene changes to the kitchen] All right, boy. I'm gonna find out just what you've been up to. [switches the light off, turns the torch on, Marge enters the kitchen and switches the light on]

Bart

[gulps] Oh, Mom, thank god.

Marge

[switches the light off, turns the torch on, hand it to Homer] This one's brighter. [to Bart] Now talk. What are you up to? All right, we'll make you talk. Give me your phone.

Homer

[yells at Bart] You do not say suck at the dinner table!

Bart

But veggie loaf does suck. It sucks a whole truck full of butts.

Homer

You leave trucks out of this.

Homer

Okay, which of these ties is better for my first day as a mentor? Purple stripes or this one?

Marge

[sniff, sniff] Are you wearing my perfume?

Homer

I like it on you, he'll like it on me.

Mr. Burns

Oh, why can't I be loved AND feared, like God?

Homer

Why? Because you're the boss, we're the workers. It goes back to caveman days. Ten guys killed the mammoth while the boss yelled at them. Then the boss got all the meat and they got all the toenails. Because that's the way life works. Next came the Renaissance, and the invention of the time clock, which meant the boss no longer had to waste time checking on his employees and could become Pope and marry his sister. With recent times came unions and workers' rights. Which were then taken away in even more recent times.

Wrap it up, Homer. That catwalk is starting to buckle.

Homer

My point is, no matter what, Mr. Burns, the boss sucks, so why shouldn't you?

Homer

That's baloney. Anybody could fake a check from Warner Bros. Animation.

Bart

No, it's legit. I made more in a minute than you do in a month, fatso.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why, you little... [tries to strangles Bart]

Bart

Uhp-uhp-uhp. Keep your hands off the moneymaker. And don't look me in the voice.