I'm too excited to sleep!
S5 E17Lecture Circuit (Part 2)
[about Holly] She has a boyfriend.
I'm so sorry, Michael.
How could she do this to me, Pam?
She's not doing it to hurt you.
I can't do the presentation, I can't-... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but...
I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Yeah, maybe.
S5 E18Blood Drive
They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [pauses] Vending machine...
It's not a big deal really. I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
She could be your soul mate.
Oh, not likely. 3 billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.
S5 E19Golden Ticket
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The KGB.
The KGB who? [Dwight slaps Michael]
VE VILL ASK ZE QVESTIONS!
. . .
Ding dong.
Who's there?
The KGB.
...Dwight, get the door.
I'm not answering the door.
Answer the door.
I'm not answering it.
Ding dong.
No way, its the KGB.
Ding dong, ding dong.
I'm not gonna answer it.
[slaps Dwight] Ze KGB vill vait for no vone!!
...It's true.
Lynn, I'm just going to say to you everything that I'm thinking.
LLynn
Okay.
I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
LLynn
Okay.
Nice. [looks down] Boobs.
S5 E20New Boss
This little hellraiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. Right over there [points to Andy] in the orange.
Hey-oh!
CCharles
No, it is not.
No, it is not.
CCharles
Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
CCharles
Okay, Michael.
Okay, Michael.
CCharles
No, seriously.
No, seriously.
CCharles
How old are you?
How old are you?
[cuts to Pam in an interview]
I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
S5 E21Two Weeks
Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know it's not great, but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're like, how much time is left on this flight? You know, now what?
Stanley!
Can't you see I'm urinating?
Listen, listen, Stanley. You don't need to answer me now.
No.
Just...I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company...
No.
You're not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.
No I didn't.
S5 E22Dream Team
Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically...I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.
BABowling Alley Employee
[to Ryan] Get back to work, shoe bitch!
S5 E23Michael Scott Paper Company
Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated and your skin flushed and, I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis. Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.
S5 E24Heavy Competition
I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.