Billy quotes from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Judge Roy Spleen

Let's get this party started. Do you, Billy, take Mandy to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Billy

I DO!

Judge Roy Spleen

And do you, Mandy, take Billy to be... [security guard whispers in his ear] Wait, not a wedding?

Mandy

This whole charade is pointless! Grim should belong to me!

Billy

Shut your dirty pie hole! He should belong to me!

Judge Roy Spleen

BOTH of you shut your dirty pie holes! You will follow the rules of the underworld court, or so help me, I'll make you sit in the chocolate pudding chair! THE STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT OF YOUR CLOTHES!

[both gulp]

Got it?!

Billy

[psst, psst], [Billy sneak at witness bench] Irwin!

Irwin

Billy, I'm wet and I'm naked. And there's monster everywhere.

Billy

Don't worry, they won't hurt you. Unless they decide to hurt you. [Billy left the bench] Irwin, if you would, please read to this court your pre-written words that I, Billy, not MANDY, is the best person to take custody of said Grim.

Irwin

I'm cold, yo! Can I get some pants please?

Billy

READ IT!

Irwin

I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and with or without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...

Grim

Reservoir of love?! Sick.

Irwin

I wanna go home, please!

Billy

Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!

Mandy

Objection! He's leading the witness.

Billy

I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.

Hi, everyone.

Billy

[gasp]

Mandy

Could you tell the court your relationship with Billy?

He's my dad.

Ewwwwwww!

Grim

Billy only hatched the egg, people. That's all.

Ohhhhhhhh...

Mandy

And how would you rate Billy as a caregiver?

Pretty good, I guess... except he's never remembered my birthday... or paid child support... in fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick. OW!

Billy

[begins to jab Jeff with a really big stick] I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!

Why don't you love me, dad?! I'll be anything you want me to be!

Billy

I WANT YOU TO BE DEAD!

Mandy

No further questions.

Billy

So, Mandy? You think you can make me look BAD?! Well, guess what, Mr. Missy-miss? I don't need YOU to make ME look bad! I can do that all on my own. And now, you force me to play dirty. [Billy starts playing in mud, laughing] I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty, I'm a dirty boy!

Mandy

Billy, you've just evolved a notch up the idiot ladder.

Billy

Such biting comments, Mandy. But now, they'll bite YOU - in the butt! I call to this court, Mandy's mom and dad!

Mandy

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Billy is a doofus. Just look at him. If you give Grim to Billy, he'll abuse him, abuse him in all the wrong ways.

Billy

It's true.

Mandy

But, if you give Grim to me, I'll abuse him in all the right ways!

Grim

[gulps]

Fred Fredburger

Hey, hey... are you gonna cry?

Billy

[crying] Sh-Shut up!

Fred

Uh Judge, where are the nachos?

Judge Roy Spleen

There aren't any nachos!

Fred

Oh, then, where are the hot dogs?

Judge

There are no hot dogs!

Fred

Pizza?

Judge

No!

Billy

Tacos?

Fred

I like tacos!

Judge Roy Spleen

[bashes Billy and Mandy together] Don't encourage him!

Grim

That's right, I can change my size because I'm SUPERNATURAL!

Billy

Is it me or is Grim getting lamer?

We've look for Billy for hours. He's no where to be found. We're too late! We failed him, Mandy! Failed! [cries] Oh, there he is.

I hear you loud and clear. Let me handle this.

[shouting] BILLY! I have something very very important to tell you! It's very crusel that you listen to me! OKAY? [Billy is still beating up Grim] Where'd you put the remote control to the TV? I can't find it anywhere!

Billy

In, the, bathroom, UGH!

Alright! Thanks, Billy!

Billy

[To Blandy who is a monster now] I don't care about that, Blandy! I still love you!

I don't mean you, I meant Grim.

Billy

[to Grim, angrily] I'LL KILL YOU!

Billy? I thought I was marrying Grim.

[to Grim, angrily] I'LL KILL YOU!

Remember, kids: Love only leads to pain.

General Skarr

Billy, how would you like to see something REALLY special?

Billy

Ooh! Is it a lady covered in ants wearing a loaf of bread as a hat, 'cuz I'd really like to see that, mmm-hmm.

General Skarr

[bewildered] N-No.

Billy

[Talking quickly] Ergh, I feel like a just ate a quarter tonne or raw meat, went into a coma for 6 days and fell out of a moving vehicle in to a pile of vomit.

Irwin

That's exactly what happened yo! Except, it's only been an hour.

Yo' momma's so ugly that people go as her for Halloween!

Ooh!

Yo' momma's so stupid, she sold her car for gas money!

Ooh!

Yo' momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry!

[Laughing]

Yo' momma's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone!

Ooh!

Yo' momma's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

Ooh!

Yo' momma's so stupid, she cheated off Billy's test!

[Laughing]

Yeah, well! Uh!

Yo' momma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!

Ooh!

Uh, uh, uh, Yo' momma.

Now let me tell ya somethin! Yo' momma so ugly. I tell ya she's so ugly, she needs two bags to cover her face! Mmm-hmm! That the pound wouldn't take her away! No, they wouldn't! That Dracula wouldn't drink her blood!

Dracula wouldn't touch her with Wolfman's teeth!