Irwin quotes from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Irwin

This isn't right! This episode was supposed to be about snake nerds! SNAKE NERDS!

Irwin

A gift from Mandy! I will call you... Mandy Two! And I will teach you the meaning of LOVE...

Irwin

[After Nergal Jr. gets Mandy to go out with him] YOU... STOLE... MY... WOMAN!

Irwin

I'm not the cool stud you think I am!

Mandy

Hey, Irwin!

Irwin

[to Billy in Mandy's body] [screams a little bit] Uh... Hi, Mandy.

Mandy

YOU are such a cutie.

Billy

The bike rocks! The wheels are like circles! [The bike crashes and he falls] The bike is fine. I should still be able to ride it at home. [The bike catches on fire] I'm sweating, I should get one lemonade.

Billy

Who needs a dumb bike to have fun anyway? Walking can be its own reward. Come on, legs, you can do it.

Irwin

Hello, Billy.

Billy

Hello, Irwin.

Irwin

I'm having so much fun with my bike!

Irwin

Oh no!

Mindy

[knocks Billy over] Sorry! Are you alright, Billy?

Billy

Yep, I'm fine. What have you got on your feet?

Mindy

Rollerblades. You put one on each foot and whoosh!

Billy

You knocked me over.

Mindy

Yes. Sorry. I'll better see how they work. Look. And back the other way!

Billy

[laughs] Very good.

Mindy

Let's go! [Skates off]

Billy

Mindy's going fast. I saw an opportunity and I seized it.

Irwin

It was my bike tire. Look. It a got puncture.

How do bikes work?

Irwin

With pedals.

Irwin

Mr. Kid has mended my bike.

Billy

Irwin, Pud'n, Sperg and Mandy have bikes, Mindy has rollerblades and Shelly Marsh and General Skarr has a motorbikes.

Billy

Is it a red tricycle?

You always have to promise to drive it.

Billy

I promise!

I just remembered this story about a tortoise and a hare.

Billy

Can I tell you a story about the tortoise and the hare before I go with the red tricycle?

Of course you can.

Billy

Once there was a tortoise and a hare. They decided to have a race. But the tortoise was very slow. The hare knew he could run much faster than the tortoise and overtook him at once.

Then what happened?

Billy

Well, the hare stopped for a little rest and fell asleep.

Never!

Billy

And the tortoise, who was taking it very steady, overtook him.

You cannot be serious!

Billy

And to everyone's surprise, the tortoise won the race.

The story ended. It's time to go. Don't forget. You must drive it.

Billy

You’re a three-wheel dream! I'll name you... Trykie! Come on, Trykie, let's go have some fun!

Billy

Guys! Hey, guys! Do you notice anything new?

Irwin

[he and Pud'n burst out laughing] What is that, yo? Is that a tricycle?

Billy

Yep. Its name is Trykie.

Irwin

Incoming data packet for Billy: only big babies ride tricycles.

Billy

That’s not true.

Irwin

Ready for your bottle?

Billy

I’m not a big baby! I’m a young adult.

[singing] Baby Billy sitting in his crib, dripping mashed potatoes all down his bib.

Billy

You’re wrong! Trykie is cool! And I haven't worn a bib in months!

Irwin

This show is awesome!

Hey, Doc, what're ya doing with my legs? [buzzing sound] AAH!

Oh, STOP it! I'm just shaving you!

Yes! Come, Lord Shnissugah! Come and make us kings!

Billy

You sickos are in big big trouble!

Irwin

The CIA is on to us! Run, girls! [he runs to an open window] You ain't gettin' jack on me, yo! [he jumps out, and a CIA agent moves to follow him]

Billy

No. Let him go. He seems to have forgotten this classroom is on the third floor.

Billy

Why you talkin' funny?

Irwin

[with an Indian accent] Because I am from Calcutta, in the mystical east.

Billy

No you're not, you live down the block and what's with that weird thingy on your head?

Irwin

[normal voice; angrily screaming] IT'S A TURBAN! IT'S WHAT I WEAR! I'M FROM THE MYSTICAL EAST! I'm in character, yo, so WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OFF ME?!?

Irwin

Oh, Mandy. Our time together has meant, so much to me. I picked this flower for you as a..

Billy

Excuse me, sir. Wouldn't you have a great time?

Irwin

Look, I've kind of getting a groove on. If you know what I'm saying?

Billy

My. What a nice-looking scythe you have today! Where did you get it?

Irwin

I stole it from the Grim Reaper, alright? Now if you don't mind...Wait a second, you look familiar. Do I know you somewhere?

Billy

You sure don't, Irwin.

Irwin

Oh, okay. Billy!

Grim

Mandy! Snap out of it! Irwin's using my scythe to control you. You gotta fight it!

Mandy

Ugh.... Grim, Is that you?

Grim

Yes, Mandy! It's me!

Irwin

Oh no, you don't! [he's using a scythe to zap to Mandy]

Mandy

What the heck is going on? [she got zapped from the scythe by Irwin] Irwin is my boyfriend.

Grim

No!

Irwin

You're gonna pay for that, Grim!

Billy

Hey, barf-face! Bet you can zap me with your stupid scythe!

Irwin

You asked for it! [he zapped with the scythe]

Billy

Nope. Miss me. Try again. Uh-uh. You got nothing!

Irwin

[angrily screaming] You're gotta get it, Billy! What the?! Who did that?!

Grim

Incoming! [he jumps on a seesaw with a pile of rocks to throw at Irwin with a scythe]

Irwin

Ha! It's that all you got?!

Grim

Darn! We need something harder then rocks.

Billy

I got it!

Grim

[he picked his scythe on a ground] Mine! [smooching]

Mandy

Get a room.

Grim

Mandy! You're back to normal!

Irwin

[groans] M-Mandy?

Mandy

You know, Irwin, the thing about crushes is, they always hurt in the end. That's why they're called CRUSHES.

Billy

Hey, pal. Don't be sad. You're a nerd! So what? Nerds play an important role in the world.

Irwin

Like what?

Billy

Well, nerds are like the moist towelettes in the universe. They make other people feel better about themselves.

Irwin

Thanks, Billy. I guess.

Billy

Glad I could help.

Grim

[glances at Rudolpho] So, what are you... in for?

I beat the snot out of a guy... for FARTING!!

Grim

[desperately] Guard!

Just the sound of it makes me so ANGRY!!

Grim

[more desperately] Guard!

ANGRY!!

Grim

[as desperate as possible] Guard!

[finally arrives] All right, Reaper, your bail is here.

Irwin

I came here as soon as I got the call, yo!

Grim

[relieved sigh] I knew I could count on you, Irwin.

Irwin

[hands a piggy bank to the guard] Here you are, Officer!

Gee, thanks.

How much was in that piggy bank?

Irwin

Four dollars and thirty-two cents.

So, you like to be a jokester, do ya, Mr. Funny Guy? Mr. Comedian, eh?

Irwin

I don't understand.

Well, the bail is thirty-five hundred dollars!

Irwin

[sobbing] I was only trying to be helpful!

Now get out of my jail, Irwin. OUT!

Irwin

[stops sobbing] I'm sorry, Grim! "[walks out]"

Yeah, yeah, I'm not Grim! You'd better run, Irwin!

I'd like to think I'd make a difference.

Irwin

That was wiggety-whack, yo.

Irwin

Hey, a duck!

Principal Goodvibes

First round, Evening Gowns! Julie. Laura. Eva. Xina. Anna. Ray. Sue. Mindy. Mandy.

Irwin

Oh, yeah!

Billy

Weeeellll... Y-I don't make any life-altering decisions without consulting my friend Mr. Bread first. [Irwin runs out of the Exploding Penguins theater]

Irwin

I've sure gotta go to the bathroom, yo!

Billy

Sorry, guys, but when Bread's gots to go, he gots to go!

Billy

[psst, psst], [Billy sneak at witness bench] Irwin!

Irwin

Billy, I'm wet and I'm naked. And there's monster everywhere.

Billy

Don't worry, they won't hurt you. Unless they decide to hurt you. [Billy left the bench] Irwin, if you would, please read to this court your pre-written words that I, Billy, not MANDY, is the best person to take custody of said Grim.

Irwin

I'm cold, yo! Can I get some pants please?

Billy

READ IT!

Irwin

I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and with or without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...

Grim

Reservoir of love?! Sick.

Irwin

I wanna go home, please!

Billy

Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!

Mandy

Objection! He's leading the witness.

Billy

I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.