Sophia Petrillo quotes from The Golden Girls

I hope I wasn't too much trouble.

Rose

Don't be silly.

Dorothy

We enjoyed having you.

Sophia

So did half of Miami.

Rose

Sophia, do you think it's wrong for a girl to sleep with a man she's only known a few hours?

Sophia

It's a sin.

Rose

See! Sophia agrees with me.

Sophia

All I said was it's a sin. Personally I'd go back to eating fish on Fridays if His Holiness gave that one the green light.

Dorothy

Ma, what are you doing here?

Sophia

You were operated on. You're my daughter! Where else would I be?

Sophia

Was that a plumber?

Dorothy

No, Ma, it was a little girl selling Girl Scout toilets.

Blanche

Oh girls, I am devastated, just devastated.

Dorothy

What happened?

Blanche

I asked my teacher for help like you all told me to. He said the only way I would get an A on his final is if I sleep with him.

Rose

No!

Blanche

Oh yes. I just don't know what to do!

Sophia

Get it in writing!

Rose

I'm a very patient person. I once waited two whole weeks for a sty to go away. Every night I'd close my eyes and I'd picture it getting smaller and smaller, and one morning I woke up and it was gone!

Dorothy

Ma, you okay?

Sophia

I'm fine. I'm just trying to make Rose go away.

Blanche

Oh, you don't have to worry about me, honey, I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.

Sophia

Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

Blanche

[on why she isn't wearing the same green silk dress she wore to last year's banquet] I decided too many people would recognize it. It is such a stunnin' shade of green.

Sophia

The only thing they'll remember is the way you fall out of it!

Blanche

Sophia!

Sophia

If you asked people the color, half of them would say, "Flesh tones"!

Blanche

Sophia!!

Dorothy

I defrosted some chicken. We'll eat in half an hour.

Sophia

I can't eat chicken. It repeats on me.

Dorothy

Look, Ma, you don't have to make excuses. If you don't want chicken, just say, "I don't want chicken."

Sophia

I don't want chicken.

Dorothy

Good.

Sophia

It repeats on me.

Sophia

We're out of pepperoni.

Dorothy

[fake gasps] Did you call Dan Rather?

Blanche

You've probably haven't noticed it, but I've put on three pounds.

Sophia

On each side.

Rose

It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.

Dorothy

Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?

Sophia

What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: 'Thank God, the water's here'? Call me when dinner is ready.

Dorothy

Listen, Mom. We cannot afford a new TV. We're using the household money to repair the roof and repave the driveway.

Sophia

Great. And what I am supposed to do while every other old lady on the block is watching Cosby?

Dorothy

Well, you can sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.

Blanche

You still watch television?

Lily

Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.

Sophia

[about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.

Dorothy

[sorting through items for their garage sale] Will you look at this? I got this doll on my tenth birthday. Oh, I can't believe I kept her after all these years. Her hair's falling out, her clothes are all worn. [sniffing as Sophia enters the room] And she smells of mothballs.

Sophia

Hey, I may not be Ann-Margret but I'm still your mother!