Blanche Devereaux quotes from The Golden Girls

Blanche

[storming into the kitchen] Where's my money, old woman?!!

Sophia

I knew that would get her up. I was born to heal. [hands Blanche back her possessions] Here's your money, and your high school ring, Class of Ni...

Blanche

[snatching back her ring] Give me that!!

Blanche

Rose, no encyclopedia salesman lugs around twenty-six volumes door to door.

Rose

Are you kidding? In St. Olaf they carry fifty-two.

Blanche

Why?

Rose

Balance!

Dorothy

Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?

Rose

[thinks] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. [leaves]

Blanche

[sees Dorothy and Sophia in their Sonny and Cher outfits] Oh, for goodness sakes, why you two could be celebrity lookalikes!

Dorothy

Oh, Blanche, honey, you really think so?

Blanche

Well, absolutely! So, which one's Cheech and which one's Chong?

Sophia

I'm Sonny Bono, you idiot!

Rose

Blanche, do you know, at a truck stop in Tuscaloosa they have an egg dish named after you!

Blanche

Really? How are they prepared?

Sophia

Over easy.

Rose

Damn it! Why is this happening to me? I mean, this isn't supposed to happen to people like me! You must have gone to bed with hundreds of men!! [she gets up to go to the living room] All I had was one innocent operation!

Blanche

[getting up to follow Rose] Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying that this should be me and not you?!

Rose

No, no. I'm just saying that I am a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes!

Blanche

[sharply] AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose. It is not God punishing people for their sins.

Rose

[meekly] You're right, Blanche.

Blanche

Well, you're damn straight I'm right!

Rose

Is it possible to love two men at the same time?

Blanche

Set the scene, have we been drinking?

Sophia

Oh, my God. Now she's with the other boyfriend. It's like living with Cher. [goes into the kitchen]

Dorothy

Ma.

Blanche

Sophia, you're here. And you have your suitcase. Does that mean you're moving back?

Sophia

I don't get it. I'm gone a few days and the dumb one's in there acting like a slut, while the slut's in here being stupid.

Blanche

[on Rose's feelings for Buzz] First love can be very powerful. I felt the same way about Heywood Boyle, the star pitcher on our high school baseball team. Oh, an amazing athlete. That man had exceptional control... [gets a far-away, aroused look on her face] ...he was always up for extra innings... and his delivery, oh!...

Dorothy

ALL RIGHT, BLANCHE, ENOUGH!

Rose

Yeah, we get it. ... So what was he like in bed?

Magda

I had very bad fight with my sister once.

Blanche

Oh, really? Tell us about it.

Magda

I turned her over to secret police.

Blanche

And?

Magda

And what? I turned her over to secret police. No more to tell.

Blanche

[trapped in a bathroom stall] Dorothy, let me out of here right now!

Dorothy

There's only one way out, Blanche, and I don't think you can hold your breath long enough.

Blanche

You're just making a mountain out of a molehill.

Dorothy

Five years of molehills. They add up.

Dorothy

Sounds to me like you two just had a little misunderstanding. [banging on the stall door to emphasize each word] NOT FIVE YEARS OF DELIBERATE BETRAYAL OF TRUST!

Blanche

Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall "for a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak".

Dorothy

Blanche, this is the ladies' room.

Blanche

[evilly] Right.

Dorothy

What are you saying, Rose? Weddings get you hot?

Rose

Yes. I mean, it was fine when Charlie was alive, but oh, I'll never forget that first wedding after he died. So now you see why I can't go if Miles is going to be out of town. I might end up almost going to bed with the caterer again!

Blanche

Rose, I want to help, but first you have to tell me what the problem is.

Rose

[on her paintings] I call them "Winter of St. Olaf," "Spring of St. Olaf," and "Summer of St. Olaf."

Why haven't you painted the "Fall of St. Olaf"?

Rose

Because it hasn't happened yet. Although we came pretty close when New Math came along.

Blanche

Rose, I think he's referring to autumn.

Dorothy

Blanche, what's wrong, you're shaking?

Blanche

I have been humiliated and degraded.

Sophia

Many times, you're just figuring it out now?

Blanche

Sophia, I've decided to wear this little watch on a chain nestled cunningly in my cleavage. Do I need anything else?

Sophia

Implants.