Blanche Devereaux quotes from The Golden Girls

Blanche

Damn! I don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through.

Blanche

Dorothy! I've just been speaking to that good looking reporter over there who just got back from Russia, and he told me some very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime, and they don't have many attractive women – do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June!

Blanche

[on why she's excited about taking a night-school Spanish class with Rose] Men go to night school - smart men. And nothing turns me on more than a smart man. Unless it's a stupid man with good hands.

Blanche

[meeting Angelo; in nun's costume, panties in hand] We're here collecting, uh, lingerie... for needy sexy people.

Blanche

[on the phone, unaware that Angelo is in the kitchen] Hi Walter, how are you? ... Yeah, I feel like a caged animal in heat too. ... Walter, you naughty boy! Keep on talkin'! ... What am I wearing? Well, to be perfectly honest, A NUN'S OUTFIT! ... Oh, sounds good to me, uh huh. I'll be over just as soon as this storm lets up! [hangs up, then sees Angelo staring at her quizzically; to Angelo] He's a leper. And I'm the only one who'll touch him.

Dorothy, I know it's been a while, but try to control yourself, I need to get some rest. [Dorothy kicks him off of the bed] What the hell was that for?!

Stanley, you're not getting into this bed!

Well, where the hell am I supposed to sleep?

On the floor, like any dog.

Fine! [grabs pillow and sheets] Just fine! Stan Zbornak doesn't have to beg a woman to get into bed! Women come to me!

Oh, sure. Right after they get the approval number on your MasterCard!

Good night!

Oh, shut up!

Stanley, if you're doing what I think you're doing, you're in big trouble.

Blanche

[after the girls have finished telling stories about the most romantic thing a man ever did for them] Well, it just goes to show: your hair may turn gray, your skin may wrinkle, but you're never too old for romance. [pauses] So don't give up, girls! [leaves kitchen as Dorothy and Rose glare]

Blanche

Oh, why would Fidel want another woman? After all, he's dipped his toes in the lake known as Blanche.

Blanche

He fairly screams "Blanche"! Or at least he will before I'm through with him!

Blanche

Rose, will you stop being an idiot!

Blanche

[to herself, after turning down Rose's invitation to the ballroom] I'd rather be tied to a tree, covered in honey, and have a family of grizzlies lick it off. ... [pauses for a few seconds, looking increasingly aroused] ...Why do I torture myself like this? [runs after Rose and Dorothy] Girls, wait for me!

Blanche

All we did all night was talk about George. How much George loved me, how George couldn't take his eyes off me, how George would have to save his money to buy presents good enough for me. It felt so good talking about George.

Blanche

[off the phone with Virginia, flippant] Oh, it's Big Daddy. He's dead. [walks away]

Blanche

[to Miles' daughter] Oh, Caroline, one year after your mother's demise is more than respectable. Why, I've had people call me when their wife was in intensive care! Granted, these men were not pillars of their community.

Blanche

I've been to enough funerals to see how they make up dead people. They look like clowns. You expect to see a dozen of them jump out of one coffin.

Blanche

Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't have any scars. You see, my clothes are all off the shoulder...sooner or later.