Dorothy Zbornak quotes from The Golden Girls

Rose

I'll be fine.

Blanche

Is this about Arnie?

Dorothy

No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

Dorothy

Who cares Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?!

Sophia

Dorothy!

Dorothy

...sorry.

Rose

Some women don't like to kiss and tell.

Blanche

Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun! Why, most of the men I've dated just for the stories!

Dorothy

You must have more stories than O. Henry.

Blanche

Dorothy, what in the world is that?

Dorothy

It's a flounder, Blanche.

Blanche

We cannot have a baby in the house! My sister's coming.

Dorothy

Does she eat them?

Rose

Why would [Virginia] need a kidney?

Dorothy

TO FEED THE CAT, ROSE!

Blanche

She's dying.

Dorothy

What?

Blanche

My sister's dying.

Rose

[entering] What?

Sophia

Dying, she's dying.

Rose

[assuming Blanche is dying] Oh my God, Blanche! I didn't even know you were sick.

Blanche

But [Dr. Clayton] wants me. I can feel it.

Dorothy

Let someone else feel it.

Blanche

But we were meant for each other. I'm a woman and, he's a man.

Dorothy

And what am I, Little Richard?

Blanche

Elliot made.... Elliot made-

Dorothy

What, what did Elliot make? A ship in a bottle? What?!

Blanche

Elliot made a pass at me.

Dorothy

He made a pass at you? You mean he winked at you. He's a very big winker.

Blanche

No, this was no wink. He came up behind me and put his big, masculine arms around my tiny little waist.

Dorothy

I don't believe you.

Blanche

What?

Dorothy

I don't believe he put his big masculine arms around your alleged tiny little waist.

Blanche

Well Dorothy, why would I make up such a thing?

Dorothy

Because you're jealous.

Blanche

Jealous?!

Dorothy

You are used to getting all the attention around here, and now someone comes along and wants me and not you, and it is eating your guts out.

Blanche

Eating my guts out?!

Dorothy

You know, you could never be a real friend to a woman, and you wanna know why?

Blanche

Why?

Dorothy

Because you're a slut!

Blanche

A slut!

Dorothy

Don't repeat everything I say.

Blanche

I'm not repeating everything you say.

Dorothy

You just did.

Blanche

I did not, nothing you say is worth repeating!

Dorothy

You, Blanche, are an immoral, backstabbing, self-centered Jezebel, and I am very glad that this happened, because now I know exactly what kind of person you really are.

Blanche

Well then, to hell with you and your oversexed boyfriend, Dorothy Zbornak! I'm just glad that little Mei Ling's coming out party was ruined!

Dorothy

Who?

Blanche

And, I'm glad that Elliot is bonging every woman at your country club!

Dorothy

What the hell are you talking about?

Blanche

Ask the towel lady!

I take it we're not playing golf.

Dorothy

We're not playing anything anymore.

Blanche

Nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman.

Dorothy

Oh, please!

Blanche

The only other woman who could possibly understand what I've been through is Priscilla Presley. And Susan Anton. [beat] No, not Susan Anton.

Dorothy

I do not snore.

Sophia

Please, I'll bet less disgusting noises come out of Ernest Borgnine!

Dorothy

Ma, I do not snore.

Sophia

Please, I had to turn you away from the windows so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!

Rose

This is like "The Long Day's Journey Into Light".

Dorothy

[correcting her] Night, Rose.

Rose

[heading to her room] Night, Dorothy.

Dorothy

How am I supposed to study for my French final with a fourteen-year-old in the house? It's hard enough with an eighty-year old.

Sophia

Are you referring to me?

Dorothy

Of course not, Ma. I'm referring to Cary Grant. He's living in the broom closet.

Blanche

Well, I am stunned. Just stunned. Stunned is the only way to describe how...stunned I am!

Dorothy

Just a minute, just a minute, Blanche. Are you trying to tell us that you are stunned?

Rose

I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.

Dorothy

It's the tight pants, Rose.