Dorothy Zbornak quotes from The Golden Girls

Dorothy

Blanche, let's go.

Dorothy

Come on, Blanche, let's go!

Dorothy

Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.

Blanche

WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

Sophia

[to Dorothy] I can't believe you're denying your own mother.

Rose

Denying her what?

Dorothy

Springsteen tickets Rose.

Rose

The name Madonna doesn't really fit her.

Sophia

"Slut" would be better!

Rose

Sophia!

Dorothy

Oh, please, please! She did things on that stage I never did with my husband!

Dorothy

[on getting robbed] It has nothing to do with energy, it has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with a lousy lock on a sliding door and massive unemployment. Now, I'm going into my room. Call me when the cops come.

Rose

We're all employed, Dorothy, except your mother. I wouldn't call that massive.

Dorothy

Good night Rose. Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.

Rose

[The robbers] were probably looking for drugs.

Dorothy

We have Maalox and estrogen. And how many junkies have gas and hot flashes?

Sophia

[playing Scrabble with Dorothy] I win!

Dorothy

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. There is no such word as that!

Sophia

There certainly is.

Dorothy

Fine. I'll look it up, and if it isn't in the dictionary, I win.

Sophia

We don't have a dictionary.

Dorothy

Yes we do.

Sophia

Not anymore, the robbers took it.

Dorothy

They stole our dictionary?

Sophia

That's right. Too bad.

Dorothy

Ma, "disdam" is not a word! You made it up.

Sophia

It's a word!

Dorothy

Fine. Use it in a sentence.

Sophia

[pauses] You're no good at disdam game!

Blanche

Oh, I'm gonna check the kitchen.

Rose

Well, wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?

Dorothy

Show them your slides of Hawaii.

Blanche

[stunned] They got my jewels.

Dorothy

But I see they didn't get your cocaine.

Rose

[shocked] Oh my God, Blanche has cocaine?!

Dorothy

Okay, okay, we're getting the basic system.

Whatever...

Dorothy

But not from you, from your competitor.

What?

Dorothy

Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have! Now get out of here before the victim of violent crime in this house is YOU! [shoos the salesman out the door and slams it]

Blanche

[about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.

Dorothy

In what, Blanche? Dog years?

Dorothy

You know, Ma, you don't look good.

Sophia

I'm short, and old. What are you expecting--Princess Di?

Rose

I'm sure it isn't a heart attack. A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack.

Dorothy

And it wasn't like this?

Rose

Oh, it was much worse.

Dorothy

I think the paramedics would get here!

Rose

Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got here.

Dorothy

But he wasn't dressed?

Rose

We were... making love.

Dorothy

Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?

Rose

Well, he didn't die then, he had his heart attack then. And, he told me to dress him.

Dorothy

And?

Rose

And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants, and I was putting it on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white!

Dorothy

In the middle of a heart attack?

Rose

Oh, Charlie was very stubborn. And very dapper.

Dorothy

And, then what happened?

Rose

...And he...told me he loved me...and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him. And a blue shirt...and a striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.

Sophia

Ohhhh!

Dorothy

What, ma? What?!

Sophia

Pain.

Dorothy

What kind of pain?

Sophia

The kind that hurts!

Sophia

Didn't Aunt Teressa have a heart attack?

Dorothy

No, Aunt Teressa didn't have a heart.

Sophia

Uncle Nunzio?

Dorothy

Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teressa.

Sophia

AAAAAAAAAAH!!

Dorothy

What, ma? What?!

Sophia

"What???" You're sitting on top of me! I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!