Dorothy Zbornak quotes from The Golden Girls

Dorothy

[about Sophia] Oh, damn it, I hate watching what this is doing to her.

Blanche

I hate watching what it's doing to you.

Rose

I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginning of video rentals.

Rose

Sophia, Dorothy, how'd it go at the doctor's?

Dorothy

It was great. He says that Ma's memory problem could be related to a nutritional imbalance, so he put her on a special diet and if she follows it, she'll be fine from here on out.

Sophia

[sarcastically] Oh, lucky me, I can remember from now on, my whole past is gone! I could have slept with JFK and don't even know it!

Dorothy

Ma, I don't think so, you're not mentioned in any of the books.

Blanche

Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything...

Sophia

Isn't it good to be back in the old neighborhood, Dorothy? Watching the kids play stickball on the corner?

Dorothy

Ma, they were beating a man! That was sort of why I called the police.

Blanche

Oh, here you all are!

Dorothy

How'd your physical go?

Blanche

Oh, just fine. The doctor just could not believe it when I told him my age.

Dorothy

Why? What age did you tell him?

Rose

A lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was a little girl. So when I'm scared or alone, I sing it, and it gives me courage.

Blanche

No song is going to help me.

Rose

[singing] Over there, over there, send the word, send the word over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are com...

Dorothy

THAT is the lullaby that your mother sang to you?

Rose

Well, it was the only song she knew. During World War I, she gave out donuts and coffee to the doughboys before they boarded the trains for Europe. It works, truly! She said no one can be scared when they hear that song...except maybe the Kaiser.

[singing to Blanche as she is wheeled off to surgery] Over there, over there, send the word, send the word, over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming, the drums rum-tumming everywhere. Send a prayer, send a prayer, send the word, send the word, to beware...[An old World War I doughboy comes by and salutes]

Rose

Now to lose those four pounds, I guess I'll have to go on a sensible diet that I know gets results - the St. Olaf I-Can't-Believe-This-Is-Cheese diet.

Dorothy

How does it work?

Rose

You eat nothing but rice.

Dorothy

How's Blanche?

Sophia

She's fine. She'll be up and back on her back in no time.

Rose

Sophia, it's been wonderful watching you take care of Blanche all week.

Sophia

I feel like a regular hospital worker.

Rose

Oh, that's nice.

Sophia

Yeah! I just took all the money and jewelry out of her nightstand.

Blanche

Rose, no encyclopedia salesman lugs around twenty-six volumes door to door.

Rose

Are you kidding? In St. Olaf they carry fifty-two.

Blanche

Why?

Rose

Balance!

Dorothy

Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?

Rose

[thinks] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. [leaves]

Blanche

[sees Dorothy and Sophia in their Sonny and Cher outfits] Oh, for goodness sakes, why you two could be celebrity lookalikes!

Dorothy

Oh, Blanche, honey, you really think so?

Blanche

Well, absolutely! So, which one's Cheech and which one's Chong?

Sophia

I'm Sonny Bono, you idiot!

Dorothy

Ma, we need to talk. I waited up for you until two in the morning, and you still weren't home.

Sophia

Oh, yea, Gertie and I and some of the girls went to Wolfie's to pick up guys.

Dorothy

I called Wolfie's at 11, you weren't there.

Sophia

Guess who got lucky?

Dorothy

Oh God!

Sophia

Oh, my God. Now she's with the other boyfriend. It's like living with Cher. [goes into the kitchen]

Dorothy

Ma.

Blanche

Sophia, you're here. And you have your suitcase. Does that mean you're moving back?

Sophia

I don't get it. I'm gone a few days and the dumb one's in there acting like a slut, while the slut's in here being stupid.

Blanche

[on Rose's feelings for Buzz] First love can be very powerful. I felt the same way about Heywood Boyle, the star pitcher on our high school baseball team. Oh, an amazing athlete. That man had exceptional control... [gets a far-away, aroused look on her face] ...he was always up for extra innings... and his delivery, oh!...

Dorothy

ALL RIGHT, BLANCHE, ENOUGH!

Rose

Yeah, we get it. ... So what was he like in bed?

Dorothy

I would kill Gloria if she ever wrote about my sexual escapades.

Sophia

You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?

Magda

[marveling at Blanche's house] Such a beautiful home! Who sleeps with government official?

Dorothy

That would be my friend Blanche.