The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air · Season 3
If you ask me your whole damn family is crazy.
See, brotha, if we was in Philly, it might have to be something, but we're on T.V., and I believe in Martin's philosophy; Non-Violence. So, I'ma chill. I'ma chill.
And if your mama sent you out there to live with them, then she's crazy too.
Hey, man, don't nobody talk about my mother, man! (charges towards audience member)
(to Hilary) For you, Self magazine, Shape magazine, and Sassy magazine. (to Carlton) And for you sir, Elf magazine, Ape magazine, and Sissy magazine.
(Judge Robertson's Funeral)
The jerk sentenced me to 6 months in jail for a crime I didn't commit. I'm just here to make sure he DEAD!
Thank you. Anyone else?
Yeah, he hired me to replant his garden. And when it came time for him to pay me, he called immigration, on me!
Gracias.
I knew Carl, biblically.
Oh, well, please.
[the mistress steps up to the podium]
With him, it was just a bunch of sex all the time, like dating Thumper. Never felt I really got to know him. Never felt he cared about my needs.
Uh, you were his wife?
His mistress!
Okay.
For 20 years. The longest years of my life.
You don't have any pleasant memories at all of him?
Well,... no. The man's idea of sweet talk was, "when you gonna bring your sister around"?
Well, thank you for sharing.
HELP! HELP! Damn, y'all, I said HELP! Is there a doctor in the parking lot?
I'm a doctor.
Oh, thank god. Look, doc, I got a lady in here having a baby. Yeah, you just got to go over that car. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Alright... Wait! Yo! Look out! Don't, man! [a crash is heard] Is there a doctor for the doctor?!
Why don't you act like an adult?
Why don't you look like one?
Oh, my God.
What is it? A boy or a girl?
This isn't a sonogram. It's a bill for $25,000. This baby's costing me a fortune.
Congratulations, you're having a Hilary!
Frank, honey, I think it's time to change Frank, Jr.
Okay, babe. You know what, you look a little tired. Why don't you come and lay down, and I'll rub your feet for a little while.
Thanks, baby.
That does it, I'm getting me a white man.
(After Hillary correctly guesses a question on Geoffrey's "Brain Storm" tape)
Hold up, Hold up, Time-out Time-out, flag on the play, traveling, offsides, clipping. What up with this here?
Hillary, how'd you know that?
Easy, Geoffrey's been watching that Brain Storm tape all day.
(After Will and Carlton trick Geoffrey into thinking he won the lottery)
Young Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?
Vroom, vroom?
Very clever. I'll get you two.
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Nice try!
You did what?! Are you out of your horny, little adolescent minds?
I know I am.
This is my little brother, Carlton! He knows we can't afford new clothes so he just doesn't grow!
(To Geoffrey) Daddy! I wanna grow!
(To people in restaurant) These aren't my children!
Is it our fault you never married Mom? I know she embarrassed you! She only had one arm! And whenever you two would go to concerts, she'd clap like this (slaps left hand on neck)
[The family comes home and Will is the first to discover the living room is completely empty; Will screams]
What happened in here?
We was robbed!
Oh, my God! What did they take?!
Tell me there's a baseball in this case.
It's empty.
I guess you weren't listening!
What baseball?
(in Hispanic accent) What baseball? Well, baseball sport where man with stick hit ball and run. Sorta like this. (he tries to escape the empty living room, but Philip catches him by the shirt)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
