The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Season 3 quotes

Carlton

[about Cindy] She left me. I got the feeling she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

What made you think that?

Carlton

She said she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

Aw, man. I mean, she can't just walk out on you like that. What if the kid is yours?

Carlton

He's not.

Will

Carlton, come on. Just because the baby is cute doesn't mean you're not the father.

Carlton

I never slept with her. Look, since we're in a church, I feel the need to confess something. Please don't laugh. This is really hard for me to say. I'm a... A... [muffles the last word he says]

Will

You a German?

Carlton

No. I'm a virgin.

Will

What?

Carlton

I'm a virgin!

[sets off for home] It's nice to know somebody still is!

I asked him [Judge Robinson] to pass the salt and he told me to go long.

Philip

He was just kidding.

Philip, he broke a window!

Will

If I keep the motorcycle, I'm a pimp. If I give it back, I'm a damn fool. Oh, well, pimp it is!

Carlton

I always knew Will was gonna be the downfall of this family, but no one ever listens to me.

What, honey? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

Philip

Okay, okay. We can't stay here. We'll freeze to death. Just get all the stuff out of the back seat and we'll... we'll go ahead on foot. Get out of the car.

Will

But you just...

Carlton

For a long time it gave me nightmares, having to witness an injustice like that. It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be. I can still hear them taunting him. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." ...How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?!

Carlton

(speaking into his tape recorder) Carlton's log. Will has been reduced to a pathetic shell of his former self. I, on the other hand, have the strength of 10 men!

Will

Will's log...(pulls a tree branch off the ground) is about to connect with Carlton's head!!

Will! You were supposed to secure everything to the luggage rack.

Will

I did! Ohhhhhh wait, this ain't the Volvo!

Trevor

How dare you. Do you have any idea who I am?

Jazz

A really bad cook?

Trevor

I've never been so humiliated in all my life. Blind people recognize me.

Will

How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil? It's snowing outside, all the wood's soaking wet.

Carlton

Then we'll freeze to death! I don't wanna die! I wanna go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid! I wanna see Karate Kid 17!

Philip

This is a good time for us to band together to show what we're made of.

Will

Does Bigfoot have to come down here with a chainsaw before you admit we're in trouble!?

Philip

Hi. I'm Philip Banks, and I'm running for superior court ju-ju-judge. Ju-ju-judge.

Philip

What the hell is that?!

[amused] That was our New Year's Eve party.

Will

Oh, oh, Uncle Phil, I just put in a couple of old home movies, you know, to show your human side. It gets better. Check it out.

Philip

[in video] If you put me on the bench, I'll take a real bite outta crime! Bi-bi-bite! Bi-bi-bite! Bite!

Philip

Vote for Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks!

Will

(whoops; hoots ala Arsenio Hall) Emmy!

Will

My next question is for Mr. Banks: Mr. Banks, would you let your nephew come to The Oprah Winfrey Show, or make him fly all the way to Chicago for nothin', sit in the audience, and embarass him in front of his girl -- (looks at camera) Hi, LaTeesha. [looks at Philip again] Huh?

Philip

My God. Is that Will?

No, Philip, it's Richard Nixon in a Will mask.

Carlton

No, Mom. I think that's really Will!