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The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air quotes

318 quotes · page 13 of 22

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6

S4Will Goes a-Courtin

[Will's version of the pool party]

Do you know how humiliating it is to have a son who can't swim?

[Phil rips off the head of Carlton's inner tube. Carlton runs off sobbing]

Listen, Uncle Phil--

SILENCE! If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you!

SStephanie

[appears] Hello, Mr. Banks--

What's she doing here?

Uncle Phil, s-she wandered over lonely and crying, and I didn't have the heart to turn her away--

HIT THE BRICKS, YOU LITTLE TRAMP! Go on! [Stephanie runs off crying] And tell your mother your father has a girlfriend! [to Will] I'm going back into the house, and when I come out, I want all these freeloading parasites OUTTA HERE! [snarls]

Y-yes, sir! Within the hour!

FIVE MINUTES!

FOUR!

Alright, Will. If that's the way you want it. [walks off, laughing maniacally]

O.K., Miss Banks. You were the former tenant of the aforementioned pool house. Is that correct?

Yes.

O.K., could you please tell us of your experiences there?

Am I under oath?

JJudge

Of course.

Well, Trevor would come over at about 3:00 in the morning and we would...

WPWill, Philip and Carlton

Objection!

(Will gives Philip a handshake)

I don't want your hand, I want my rent.

Oh, come on, Uncle Phil. Haven't you learned anything from all of this?

Yeah, never rent from relatives.

S4Hex and the Single Guy

Hey, Dad. Now that I'm gonna be in the family, maybe we can talk about my trust fund.

What did you say?

Jazz and I are getting married.

Over his dead body.

Doesn't anyone care about how I feel?

EEEveryone else

No!

(knocks on the door and it opens with no one there) Oh, we definitely need one of them in the girl's locker room.

S4Blood is Thicker than Mud

Carlton, do you realize that they're workin' you harder than everybody else?

Nonsense. We all had to repave the parking lot.

Yeah, but the rest of us got to wear shoes.

And in the words of my illustrious cousin, I'm-a make like a tree and leave.

I never say that. It's make like a banana and split.

Okay. I'll keep that in mind. [laughs]

S4Fresh Prince After Dark

Hilary (about posing for Playboy): I am 24 years old and I can make my own decisions. Besides, Mom said it was OK.

Philip (sounding furious): Oh yeah? Vivian! So you said your daughter could pose for Playboy?

No, I said I didn't like it, but I also said she's a grown woman and its her choice.

I want to talk to you about something. It's about my daughter posing for your magazine. Now, suppose your daughter got involved in this whole world?

HHefner

My daughter is involved in this whole world. She runs the Playboy empire.

OK, well, then lets say someone you really care about... like your wife. Suppose she decided to pose?

HHefner

Well, my wife was the playmate of the year and I'm very proud of that.

Don't you understand there are some parents who aren't comfortable with their daughters being stared at by millions of people?

HHefner

I understand. Over the years, I've had to deal with a lot of parents. You seem like a decent man. I promise you: the pictures will be tasteful.

I guess I can kiss heaven goodbye because it has got to be sin to look this good.

S4Home is Where the Heart Attack Is

Come on people, I weigh the same I weighed back in high school.

Yeah, if you add up all 4 years.

Look, I don't wanna see my father with tubes up his nose, okay?!

Carlton, there's gonna come a time when all he has is tubes up his nose.

Not my father!!

Everybody's father! Except mine, cause I don't know where the hell he is!!

Would you do me a favor, Will?

Uncle Phil, we are not stoppin' fa' no burger!

No. No. No. Would you tell Carlton to look after the family just in case this is my last ride?

Your last ride? Whatcha talkin' 'bout, man? We gonna go for plenty o' rides in ambulances, man.

S4Take My Cousin -- Please

These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.