Carl quotes from The Casagrandes

Ronnie Anne

Step 2: acting lessons.

I got this! Show me anger, despair, passion!

[disgusted] He's got gassy down!

I've got a better way. Lalo, just think of something really sad. It's what I do to get out of punishments.

Ronnie Anne

[standing on the sofa] Whoa, he's good.

Wow, check out the TV! [presses a button on the remote and the screen shows Lalo on set, wearing a motion capture suit]

Ronnie Anne

Hey, there's Lalo on set!

Does that suit look too tight for him?

[relaxing on the massage chair] It's slimming. He'll be fine.

Ronnie Anne

Yeah, you're probably right. Whoa, this TV has video games!

[horrified] What did you guys do?!

[smugly] Uh-uh-uh, you said we could. [takes out his phone]

I did not.

[plays the recording; through recording] Hey, Carlota. Uh, can we get the snow cone machine out of the storage room and make shaved ice for dinner?

[through recording] Sure, sounds good. [over the barrel] Ugh! Fine, my bad. But when Abuela sees this mess, we're all in for chancla time.

[horrfied] Chancla time?!

Clean for your lives!

Are you okay, Sergio?

Priscilla dumped me…AGAIN! [resumes sobbing]

Oh. I'm so sorry, Sergio.

You guys break up all the time. Just find a new girlfriend. There's plenty of birds in the sky.

I tried. Total fail. [Flashback to the moments of him trying to get a new girlfriend bird] One had terrible manners. [The female pelican launches a fish at him and he falls off] One just didn't listen. [holds up his phone showing a photo of Ronnie Anne to an owl] And for the fifth time, this is Ronnie Anne. [The owl hoots and he face palms himself; then seen having a dinner date with a female eagle] One was too aggressive. So, you like smaller birds? [The female eagle caws and picks him up and flies off into the sky; fading back to present] None lived up to sweet Priscilla.

Why did she dump you?

No idea. [holds up his phone, showing them a photo of Priscilla annoyingly massaging his feet] Look at all the fun we had together. This is her giving me a foot massage, [scrolls down to another photo of them at Sancho's place] this is us at Sancho's watching the game, [scrolls to another photo of her massaging his feet while still at Sancho's] this is her giving me a foot massage while watching the game.

She looks miserable!

Nah. That's just her resting ostrich face. [scrolls to a photo of Priscilla]

It's clear what the problem is. You didn't treat her like a princess. It's okay, I can teach you how to act like a prince and win her back.

I'm not so sure.

Look, the eagle's back for a second day!

What was that all about?

Oh, the usual. [cleans out his tuba] Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do every day.

Dude, you let them do this you every day? Why?

What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter.

Well, good luck with that.

[on the stilts] Carl, what am I doing up here? [loses his balance]

It's all about attitude! [on one of the stilts] We're building up your confidence.

By walking on stilts?

It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!

What is going on here?!

Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story--

[sharply] My office, now! [Later in her office] Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?

They did!

[sighs] Fine. Then you're all going to be suspended!

[in unison] What?!

[in unison] Aw, man!

Does that mean I can't go to band practice? [starts to cry]

Wait, it was my fault! Don't suspend Alexis! Suspend me! I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself, he wouldn't get picked on anymore.

It's not all Carl's fault. He was just trying to help me, and he's right. I do need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way. [to Ricky and Julius] I really don't like when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean, and it always sounds bad afterwards.

But I like the funny sounds. [Principal Valenzuela clears her throat as she seriously looks at both him and Julius; in unison] We're sorry.

[in unison] We won't do it again.

Great! So, now can we hug it out?

[in unison] Oh.

[in unison] What's a hug?

[sighs] Sure.

I like hugs!

Me too!

Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys. [The four boys start leaving her office, to Alexis for a second] One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumors true? Did you really revenge-poop on a pigeon? [whispers] All the teachers are dying to know.

[shrugs] Maybe, maybe not. [leaves]

[closes her office door] Sorry, ladies. I can't confirm or deny the rumors.

So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?

Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.

Hmm.

[enters her office; pleasantly] Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande, [unpleasantly at Carl] Carl, unfortunately, this isn't good news.

So he didn't win best smile?

No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!

[not seeing the problem as his padres look at him in annoyance] Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.

Just one time, huh? [transit to the hallway, opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him]

I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?

That is not what I meant!

We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.

Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)

[licking out a pudding cup, not listening] From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.

Oh? Glad to hear it.

And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.

Naturally.

Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.

[realizes] Wait, no homework?! CARL!

[enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding Carlos observing the ants in an ant farm] Dad, what's with the bugs?

Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.

[not interested] I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. [starts tapping the ant farm] Stop being boring.

Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela] Hey, Principal Valenzuela. [Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news] Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?

No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying "checkmate".

[gasps in horror] Carl's now using chess to trick people!

[starts to sob] Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!

Actually, it's "Hall Monitor" Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. He's the principal now!

[comes out of the office] Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.

[growls] Argh! FIX THIS!

Ooh. I've created a monster. [looks at the chess board and gets an idea] There's only one thing to do - we have to beat Carl at his own game.

[waking up] Ah, best bachelor party ever. [checking his pockets] Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, las arras. [holds up the sack and notices a hole in it; worried] Ah, crackers! [shoos some pigeons away] Scram! Shoo! You've gotta be here somewhere.

[wakes up] What are you looking for, Sergio?

Can't find those gold coins.

[shocked] You lost las arras?! Paco has to give Paulina all 13 gold coins at the wedding, or it's bad luck. If you don't find them, their marriage will be doomed!

Finally, I'm free! [looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]

Stanley

Boy, bird weddings are fun!

What's going on?

Bad luck, that's what!

Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.

This is more than setbacks. It can only be due to one thing: las arras!

Ah. I fixed the strings. [the guitar strings break again] Chihuahua.

Sergio, I thought you said you got all 13 coins.

I did. I'll prove it. [takes out the coins and counts them] 10, 11, 13. Boo-yah!

You forgot 12, genius.

[gasps] That means that one lucky coin is still missing!

Missing?! [growls with rage and tries to go after Sergio while the whole family holds her back, slowing her down] Let me at him! [calms down; sadly] Ay, without the last lucky coin, the marriage will be cursed with bad luck forever.

[gasps] Paulina, my love. We don't need luck. [Paulina sobs in tears and runs away; turns to his primo, crossly] Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! Paulina! Please, come back! [flies after Paulina for consolation]

[sadly with guilt] I guess Paco was right to doubt me. I'm not best-man material.

That coin has to be somewhere.

Ronnie Anne

We must have missed something.

Yeah, one coin. Keep up.

Ronnie Anne

You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is not in a fun mood.

Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.

[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure] Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!

[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door] Those are my new boots!

Bobby

Lalo, what's going on with you? [screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]

We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.

[squawks] I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.

Parrot tacos? Ew!

Hey! I'd make a great taco. [Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away] I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

Wait a minute. There's two of them?!

Ronnie Anne

[after Lalo licks her] Now this is our Lalo.

[growls back at Malo after he growls at her] And this is my Malo!

Okay, I don't follow.

I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose him from a litter of perritos. [Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy] But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!

Ronnie Anne

They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. [to Lalo] I'm so sorry, boy.

Last badge, habitat maintenance.

Awesome! I'm great at that. [confused] Uh, what is that?

It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.

She's beautiful!

Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. [points to bamboos and rocks as materials] Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. [closes the gate and leaves]

As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.

No way, we should use rocks.

Fine, then I'm doing my own habitat.