Carl quotes from The Casagrandes

GLUE IT BACK ON! GLUE IT BACK ON! [shows his new haircut; he's bald with hair around his ears much to Frida's horror]

Huh, you look like someone familiar, and guapo.

[hugs his madre] Mom! Carlota made me look like Abuelo! [angrily shakes his fist at Carlota] I'll never forgive you for this!

I'm sorry, I do my own hair every day and I look fabulous. So I just figured… Why would this be any different?

Well guess what… it IS different!

[takes a piece of foil] This isn't gold, it's just chocolate wrappers.

And the wrappers are coupons. [reading] "Congratulations you found the golden treasure. Here's 30% off for your dining pleasure. Sincerely, Pancho Villa's Tacos."

[enraged] Abuelo, you just let us out on a wild goose chase for coupons?!

Oh yeah, Pancho Villa's Tacos. Now I remember, Rosa and I had our first date there. Ha. I must have saved that message in a bottle as a souvenir.

Stanley

Next stop, disappointment. Chugga chugga boo-hoo.

How are you going to make it up to us, Hector? The least you could do is buy us all some tacos.

"Operation Sitter-be-gone" was a success, and it's a beautiful day for flying!

[noticing the direction they're going] Uh, Mom? The planes are that way.

Oh, you're not here for the planes.

[shocked] What?!

The only reason you're here, is because no one else will watch you. So while we enjoy our flight, you three can sit on that bench and think about what you've done.

Aw, I hate thinking about what I've done. Can we put the bench on the airplane?

I'm just an actor, okay? None of this is real.

[gasp in shock] Not… real?

Bobby

Not cool, Falcón! He's just kidding, Carl. Carl? [catches him as he faints; to El Falcón, crossly] You call yourself a hero?!

Mi pollito, don't throw that away!

[crumples up the poster and throws it in the bag, filled with his El Falcón merchandise] What's the point? El Falcón's not real. [jumps off of his bed and picks the model piece figure] I've been looking up to a fake this whole time!

Not the 10,000-piece El Falcón model! That took us six months to build!

Six months down the drain! [dumps the model in the bag as it breaks apart] My childhood may as well be over! [walks out of his and CJ's room, dragging the bag]

Aye! This breaks my heart.

Bobby

This is all my fault! If only there was a way to make him believe in El Falcón again. Wait! What if I dress up as El Falcón and convince Carl that he's real?

Ronnie Anne

Doesn't El Falcón have like, powers and super strength?

Bobby

No problem, I'm plenty strong. [flexes his muscles, which then deflate] But to make Carl really believe, I'm gonna need all of your help.

Mi amor, we're sitting on a gold mine. We can sell your red tacos in the mercado and make a fortune.

[enters the apartment, naked with bath bubbles covering his body] Hey, Abuelo. I heard tacos and money. I'm in.

[off-screen] Carl, get back in the bathtub!

We don't need a fortune, Hector.

Come on, please?

[sighs] If it's that important to you, we can try, mi amor.

Abuelo? What are you doing?

[wearing an apron, has his hair in a bun, vacuuming] Apparently it's my job to clean the house now.

You've turned into Abuela! [laughs] A bald Abuela! [Hector angrily takes off his chancla and tries to throw it at him, but bounces off the floor and hits him] And you don't have Abuela's aim.

Alright you two, you're up.

[Squawks] You got it! [He and Sancho take the stroller in Irving’s direction] A lovely day for a stroll. Aw, coochie coochie coo, little baby. [Said baby is a watermelon with a face drawn on; casually pushes the stroller away, pretends to panic] Oh, no! Our baby!

Do not fear! I'll save your baby! [Chases the stroller into the skatepark, where he slips on an unattended board, falls into the pit, and lands with a faceplant on the other side. Carl doesn't see a stroller come from the other direction and does a rail grind, falls into the pit and takes off in the direction Carl was running to, Carl chases after it] Stop! Stop! [Offscreen a kite catches the stroller and carries it the other way] Hey, get back here, kite! That stroller is mine!

[Getting impatient] Jeez, sweetums, where is our baby?

Holy Toledo, that kite saved that baby!

[peeps out from under the table cover] A-are they gone? [sees his family and Irving all staring crossly at him; hesitantly] I mean, I'm so glad you're all okay. Why didn't you come under the table like I told you to?

[points to him, unhappily] You pushed us out of the way to save yourself. [sighs] I thought you were better than that.

[upset with guilt and disbelief] I'm so sorry, Irving. I'm not the deserving young person you think I am. I pretended to be someone I'm not, so you'd give me the go-kart. I even hired those birds to attack you back at the park.

[sharped with anger] Carl, I knew you were tricking this nice man out his tiny car.

[offering the keys to Irving] Here, Irving.

Hm.

I hope you find someone who deserves that go-kart.

Actually, keep the keys. [tosses the keys to him]

Huh?

I believe in giving people a second chance. And I have an idea for how you can earn the go-kart.

Dinnertime! [enters with a pot of boiled asparagus]

[holds out his plate as his wife dips asparagus; looks around, confused] Where is everybody?

I told you, hijo, [takes out her phone showing a photo of Frida and Carlos at Burning Flan] Frida and Carlos went to that big art and music festival, Burning Flan, [scrolls down to another photo of Ronnie Anne and Bobby at Arturo's place] and Ronnie Anne and Bobby are at Arturo's for the weekend.

Oh. Dibs on their dinner! [scoops out even more asparagus on his plate and stuffs them in his mouth]

Carl, CJ, don't forget your espárragos. [dips asparagus on the boy's plates, much to their disgust]

[disgusted] Oh, yucko!

[dissatisfied] Carl, you need your vegetables.

Okay, Abuela, I'll eat 'em. [calling out] Release the chocolate sauce and sprinkles!

Release the chancla! [takes off her chancla and deflects the the hit, back at Sergio, immobilizing him, much to the boy's disappointment]

Gimme some! [grabs and wrings Sergio over his mouth]

[squawks] Release the Sergio!

[closing in on Carl] Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas!

[panics and sees Rosa sleeping on the couch, still barefooted] Come on, chanclas. Do your thing. [throws the chanclas at Rosa's feet]

NO!!!

[grabs the chanclas] Chancla smoothie, anyone? [tosses the chanclas into the smoothie maker Lalo's holding]

[cheering and chanting] Chancla, uno! Chanclas, dos! Time to say adiós!

[screams in horrified shock] NOOOOOO!!! [camera zooms in and out of his mouth, finding him in bed, revealing it was all a dream] Come back, chanclas! [sobbing] Come back! [falls off his bed, looking around] Wait, it was a dream? [opens the secret compartment, the chanclas are still there] It was a dream! [kisses the chanclas, which he remembers are also his abuela's shoes, groans disgusted] Chancla flavored.

See, mijo? You don't need the force of the chancla to behave like a good boy. Goodness is inside you already.

Oh, okay. Here are your chanclas, abuela.

Thank you, Carl. I got this.

[excited] Is that who I think it is?!

He didn't tell us he was coming!

Ronnie Anne

Who is that guy?

Grandpa Danny!

He's the coolest!

You're gonna love him, Ronnie Anne. He's a movie stuntman!

[walks to the window, looks down; displeased] Oh, no. Not that bobo again.

Wrong day to wear red chonies, Abuelo!

Uh-oh.

Bobby

[tiptoeing to Lori's golf cart, trying not to be seen, sprays perfume on himself] Lori's gonna be so surprised! [gets in Lori's bag and hides with red flowers]

Nice form, Lori! Looking good! [gives her a thumbs up and winks]

[chuckles] Thanks to all the one-on-one time you've given me.

Bobby

[pops the flowers] One-on-one time?! [wobbles and falls off the golf cart, rolling down towards them] Hey, babe. [chuckles]

[gasps] Bobby?

Bobby

Yep. That's right, your… [stares fiercely at Ewan] boyfriend, Bobby. [back to Lori, normally] I came to surprise you. But enough about me. Who's this guy?

This is my classmate, Ewan.

You must be the famous [slaps Bobby on the back] Poo Poo Bear I've heard so much about.

Bobby

It's "Boo Boo Bear."

Ewan's been helping me with my game. He's literally the best golfer here.

Bobby

Nice! Helping how exactly?

Oh. With techniques like this. [makes an impression of Ewan] "Grip the club tight, Lori. Widen your stands. You're doing great!" [chuckles] That's my impersonation of Ewan.

That is so me, Lori! [he and Lori both laugh]

Right?

Bobby

[nervously chuckles] This is all so funny for me.

Lori's amazing. You're a lucky guy.

Bobby

Thanks, Urine.

"Ewan".

Bobby

Urine. Got it.

[hugs Bobby] I'm so excited you're here! [sees and points to Carl and Sergio laying on a hammock] Is that Carl and Sergio?

Hey, what up double L?

Bobby

They kind of invited themselves.

Ooh, I wanna show you how much better my drive's gotten. All thanks to Ewan.

Oh stop, Lori. You’re making me blush.

Bobby

Great. [chuckles] Well, give me a sec to check on the boys. Gotta make sure they're behaving themselves. [walks backwards to Carl and Sergio; whispering] Did you guys see all that?! I think that guy's into Lori. And she doesn't exactly seem to hate him, either!

You're right to worry. That dude is after your girl.

[squawks] He's hot. And you're… you.

Bobby

[groans] This is awful! What do I do?

Relax. You just have to make him look like a chump.

Bobby

You don't think that's kinda mean?

Huh. Suit yourself. But don't come crying to me on their wedding day.

Bobby

[shocked] Wha…?! [fading into his imagination; standing outside the church window, watching Ewan putting a golf-ball style ring on Lori's finger and Lori and Ewan get married as they kiss, cries in despair and slowly slides down; back to reality, grabs Carl by the collar] I'll do whatever it takes!

Bobby

I'll miss you so much, babe.

Oh, I'll miss you even more, Boo Boo Bear.

Bobby

[dials his phone after kissing with Lori] Hi, Abuela. We're just heading back.

[snatches his phone; feigning sadness] Abuela! We missed the whole day of cleaning. Oh, it's so sad!

Cheer up, mijo. I saved your chores for you. Good luck getting out of it this time, muchachos.

[squawks] I'm outta here!

[reaching out] Take me with you!