Hector quotes from The Casagrandes

It worked! I can gossip again!

Bobby

So, the gang has cats?

The gang is cats!

[clinks her glass] I'd like to make a toast. Bobby, Lori. I just want to say how much it means to have you here with us. [tears up] I don't know if I can't get through this.

[touched] Oh, Mom.

[clinks his glass] Uh, excuse me if I might. I'm sure it means a lot to you, Rita, but with all respect, it means more to us.

Well, Hector, that seems really unlikely because nothing means more to us, 'kay?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's right.

Forget the toast. I can say it so much better with music! [starts playing his guitar] We love Bobby and Lori more than... [Lynn Sr. elbows Luna and she dashes off] ...Anyone in the world.

[brings in her axe and starts playing, cutting Hector off] FAMILY!

Oopsie.

[viscously] How DARE YOU! [violently attacks Carl]

Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!

Well, if you don’t like it, YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.

That's what you want, isn't it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us?! [hugs Bobby tightly]

[hugs Lori as well] Oh, oh, like you haven't been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it's not gonna happen!

[pleading while intervening] Guys, guys, please stop!

STAY OUT OF THIS!

Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here, gnawing on your "dry-bird?"

[comforting her husband as he sobs] The turgooseon is delicious, the only problem is, you're lumpy gravy!

[enters the dining room] Did someone say gravy? [squirts gravy on Rita as she shrieks]

[bumps Gravybot aside] No. They don't deserve it.

[jumps towards her siblings] Look out below!

[gasps horrifyingly] My painting!

I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.

Bobby

It's not all bad. [holds up some turkey jerky] I found this half-off turkey jerky.

Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs! [gets up afterwards]

Bobby

Whoa, how did you guys find us?

Tracking devices. [both look at each other]

You left before trying my twice-baked tart.

[scoffs] They would prefer my flan.

Flan, shman. [chanting] Tart, tart, tart–!

Bobby

Stop! Don't you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn't stand the fighting and competing.

We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.

Well, nobody wants that.

We certainly don't.

Lori, Bobby, I'm sorry we've been acting so childishly.

We're sorry, too. It's just hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.

Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% mark-up. Holiday discount.

Bobby

Works for us.

I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!

Bobby

Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.

I'm game.

Me too.

We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.

I'll help you.

Hurry, hurry! "Adiós, Ana, Adiós" is on!

Whoo! Yes! Telenovela time!

[squawks] Mystery! Drama! Romance!

Don't forget style. Obsessed with Ana's outfits.

Bobby

I'm gonna have to watch it in the mercado. My shift's about to start.

It's okay, mi'jito. We'll shout out the window about the juicy parts.

Bobby

Yes!

[rushes in] Did I miss it? Whoa! [Slips on Lalo's drool and makes Ronnie Anne fall to the floor] Ooh, sorry, mija.

I'm glad you could tear yourself away from your gossip long enough to be here, viejito.

Who was gossiping? I was dealing with Maybelle. And you know what a difficult customer she is.

Are you sure you don't want to join us, mija? The novela is getting really good!

Ronnie Anne

[shakes her head] Mm.

Come on. Just give it a chance. It's a family tradition.

You can sit by me.

Ronnie Anne

Guys, I told you already. I'm not into telenovelas. Call me when the soccer match is on.

Shh! How can you say no to this? [TV shows Ana sitting on a stool sewing a hat with her grandparents] That's our hero, Ana Ronalda. She's an orphan raised by her grandparents.

The bad guys want money, but the family doesn't have any, so they're taking Ana Ronalda.

[hugs her kids together, crying] This is why I make you kids carry a whistle!

Ronnie Anne

You guys, this show is so cheesy. Sorry, but you wouldn’t catch me watching it in a billion years.

Thanks for coming, Lucy.

I'm flattered the Casagrandes want my help.

Thank you for letting Boris come along, too. I'm so excited for Halloween in the big city.

Lucy! Muchas gracias for helping us!

It's my pleasure, really. Scaring people brings me joy.

Bobby

[hugs Boris] And this must be the legendary Gramps that Lori's been telling us about. Nice to meet you, sir.

Boris is actually a child, but appreciates the sentiment.

Hey, Carlota. You look stressed. What's up?

I'm just really behind on making everyone's costumes for tonight. I'm never gonna finish on time.

Hmm. What if you had help? Leni is awesome with fashion.

Bobby

That's a great idea! Babe, would you mind going back to Royal Woods to get her? We'll still have plenty of time for our romantic Halloween celebration.

Oh, it would really help me out, Lori.

[sighs] Of course. Anything to help you guys win. [chuckles]

[quickly hugs her] Thank you so much for coming!

You can brief me on the way up. What are we looking at?

Silk, cotton, wool, and I was thinking… linen.

[gasps] Linen in October? Now, that's scary.

Bobby

[peeking out] Hi, Babe!

[noticing Lisa, also in tow] Lisa, what are you doing here?

None of our siblings found my musings on All-Hallows-Eve to be interesting, so they offered my 50 bucks to, and I quote, "Take my dull facts elsewhere."

Did someone say dull facts? You're speaking my language! Lisa, would you like to help me reassemble a skeleton while discussing the mythology behind this spooky holiday?

[gasps and squeals] I apologize for that amateurish display of emotion. Be right up!"

Ugh, Boo-Boo Bear, I am so ready to start our romantic Halloween celebration. Is the mercado all decorated?

Not yet. We just need to wrangle the pack of angry neighborhood cats, which means we need Lana.

[slumps in dismay] Ugh, seriously?!

It would mean a lot to me, mija.

Ugh. You know I can never say no to you, Mr. C.

[hugs her] I was counting on that.

[entering the mercado] I hear you guys need a cat wrangler. Well, you called the right person.

Thanks for coming, Lana. But please be careful, these neighborhood cats are wild and mean. So… [notices Lana is nowhere to be seen] Lana? Where did she go?

[leads the black cats into the mercado] This way, guys! Stay in formation. [Tarantulas also enter which she has rounded up] I also rounded up some tarantulas. I thought they might add a little extra scare.

Lana, you're our salvadora! Oh, we've got first place in the bag!

[enters the apartment, excited, along with Bobby, looking upset] OMG, guys, look! Bobby and I got our BAT scores in the mail!

Ooh, what's a BAT test? [gasps] You get to sleep upside down and eat crickets?!

No, Carl. BAT stands for "Big Academic Test." It's to get into college, and I crushed it! Fashion design school, here I come!

Oh, I'm so proud of you, mija. Go pursue your dreams! But don't leave me BACK! [sobs]

Is something wrong, Bobby?

Bobby

I didn't get a good BAT score.

[gasps] Who wouldn't want to give mi Bobbito a good score? [takes of her shoe and goes to the door] I'll just give those testing people a piece of my mind!

Bobby

[runs up to the door, blocking her way] I don't think that'll help, Abuela. [groans] I really wanted to do well so I could go to business school and open up a whole chain of mercados. I don't know what happened. I aced all my practice tests, but as soon as I sat down, my palms got sweaty and I forgot everything! Like, even where I parked, [pulls out the van keys from his pocket] I had to walk home!

Wait, you left the mercado van there?! I'm gonna get a ticket! [grabs the keys and leaves]

Huh, sounds like a classic case of test-taking anxiety. My students get it all the time. Never fear, Bobby. There are many scientific ways to beat it! I'll help you.

Bobby

Deal!

[gets his hand covered in sweat] Eh, you weren't kidding about your sweaty palms. [chuckles]

[lifts up the couch] ¿Sergio, done estas! [sets the couch down] Where did he go?! It’s not like him to just disappear like… [breaks down in tears] THIIIIIIIII-IS!!!

Bobby

I wish you could just fly away... [In slow motion] ...and NEVER! COME! BACK!!!

Roberto, you were the last one to see him. Did you see where he went?

Bobby

Uh... [eyes dart to and from] No! It's not like I'd told him to leave and never come back. [nervous laugh] "But I'll go look for him.

Well, Sergio's not here either.

"CARL!!"

I'll come with you. I have important business to discuss with Alisa.

And I wanna give her my CDs.

You two, stop right there! You promised you'd stay out of my way.

[whispering to Carlos] Remember when I used to sneak out and go to concerts?

[having to have heard that; angered shock] What? You're grounded, young lady.

When Ronnie Anne was a baby, she had the cutest little pompis. And she used to go... [wiggles his butt] "Toot-toot-toot! Toot-toot-toot!"

Ronnie Anne

Ugh! I don't how I'll ever live down the pompis tooting disaster.

I know. And I thought I had it bad with everyone calling me, "Carl Casa-chonies."

[in her folklorico dress walks to her with CJ, wearing a white shirt and shorts, red neckerchief, and sandals] Ronnie Anne, where are my clothes?! Is this one of your practical jokes?!

Ronnie Anne

No, I thought it was laundry day. But I did put a whoopee cushion on Abuelo's chair.

[sits down offscreen] Oop, ah, excuse me!

[walks up, wearing white floral underwear] Why are my chonies so fancy?

Bobby

[walks up, wearing a sombrero, brown leather jacket, vest and pants, green tie, and white pointy boots] I don't think these are my pants but I like 'em! And there are little toys on my shoes! [plays with the spurs on his boots] Wee!

[enters with a tray of mashed potatoes] So, how was everyone's day?

Just how I like it. The same.

Bobby

Well, my day was great, Abuela.

Que bueno mis muchachos. [leaves to get more dinner]

Bobby

My new boss is open to all my ideas. Unlike my old boss.

Well, old boss, who looks pretty good for his age, is doing fine without new ideas.

I had a pretty good day, I… [frowns as Bobby interrupts]

Bobby

Well, my new boss is not just fine, he's raking in the dough.

Then your new boss should pay for your potatoes, because I'm eating all of these. [pulls the tray and starts to laugh]

Bobby

[throws his spoon annoyingly] Mr. Hong would share his potatoes.

Then, you should go to Mr. Hong's!

Bobby

I already asked if he has plans tonight.

That's too bad!

[gasps; pointing to each other] He started it!