TV show quotes
Uh, Penny, I, I have a couple of questions about your closet. Is there any reason you’re keeping this dead goldfish? [He takes a dead fish out of the bag]
Damn, I forgot to feed him... And that I had him!
Well, now, did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy [He searches inside the bag].
[with a loud yell of embarrassment] Party’s over! Party’s over!
My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. Remind me to put a gun under my pillow. Or a chain saw.
Or you take advantage of your new found economic stability and move out, get a house, get married, start a family.
Or the chain saw.
So who do you have to smooze to get this deal?
I'm not going to smooze anyone. I'm going to let my work speak for itself.
That's great. That takes a lot of integrity.
I'm a naive idiot, right?
Oh good, you heard me. Raj Screw it I'm going in! Sheldon No No. That was what I said to Raj's mother last night.
So I was thinking about how excited you get about stuff like Buffy or science or which TV remote you and Sheldon should buy.
The Harmony one was fine. We didn't need to upgrade to the 1100 which he knows is too big for my hand.
You see that’s the kind of passion I didn't think I had. But then I realize I’m passionate about you.
Ahh, my cute little tushie strikes again
Well I’m serious. Look I always had these plans to be in the movies, to live this glamorous life and anything else in my life just wasn't worth getting excited about.
Well, those things can still happen.
Oh, obviously it’s going to happen. A psychic at a bachelorette party told me so. Anyway what I meant was I shouldn't wait. You know, I got you. I got Sheldon. These wonderful friends. My life is exciting right now.
Big deal.
It is, isn't it?
So does that mean we get to do stuff like talk about cool shows or get dressed up in matching costumes and then go to Comic Con.
Leonard, I had an epiphany; not a stroke.
They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. You know? They have to help the viewers let go. Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended.
You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
You know, I get that.
But, um, I did have you. And every day at 4 o’clock you’d come to my house on channel 68 and we’d do science together. If it hadn't been for you, who knows what would have become of me. You know, instead of a world class physicist I could have wound up a hobo … or a surgeon.
I bet there are important discoveries made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way their discoveries are your discoveries.
It’s true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
Well thanks, thanks, you guys. That means a lot.
It’s important you know how much mean to us.
Professor Proton, it is an honor to meet you.
Just call me Arthur.
Leonard. Did you hear that? Professor Proton said that I should call him Arthur. That means we’re friends.
No. A friend would have told me about the elevator.
Look at me. I can get as close to you as I want without my Mom saying its going to ruin my eyes.
Is he dangerous?
Actually he’s a genius.
I am.
That doesn't answer my question.
Ah well. When we were going through security I got pulled out of line for a pat-down. The TSA agent got a little handsy. I may have broken her nose with my elbow.
Long story short, she’s now on the no-fly list and we might have been followed here by a drone.
I’m sorry. I feel like such an idiot.
Oh, it’s not so bad. You lost money, you feel shame and you got groped by a stranger. That’s Vegas. You nailed it.
[Knock..knock..knock] Amy? [Knock..knock..knock] Amy? [Knock..knock..knock] Amy?
What?
Never knocked on my own door before. That was a wild ride.
You don’t have to come in here and cheer me up.
Thank-you. Would you go and tell everyone else that because they think otherwise.
I’ll tell you what they think. They think our relationship is a joke.
Well, I don’t think our relationship is a joke. I think a horse goes into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” That’s a joke. It’s a good one, too, because a horse has a long face.
Sheldon. Are we ever going to have an intimate relationship?
Oh my. That’s an uncomfortable topic. Amy, before I met you I never had any interest in being intimate with anyone.
And now?
And now what?
Do you have any interest now?
I’ve not ruled it out.
Wow, talk dirty to me.
I know it doesn’t seem like it to you, but for me what we have is extremely intimate.
I guess I know that. It’s just a part of me wants more.
More? Just look at us. It’s only been three years. Here we are in bed together. [Sitting on it.]
[Amy laughs slightly.] Come on. Let’s go back out there.
No, hold on. My Elven magic user and your half-Ork warrior did have a love spell cast on them. We wouldn’t really be playing the game right if we didn’t see that through.
OK.
I believe that we just killed the dragon and while the others pillage the corpse I lead you to a secluded area where I attempt to remove your leather armor. [Rolls dice] It comes off.
Oh?
What do you do?
I…kiss you on the lips?
I kiss you back on the… [Rolls dice] …lips as well. Your turn.
I remove your armor. What do you do?
I erotically caress your… [Rolls dice] …nose.
Keep rolling!
Anyway, Stephen Hawking’s team is looking into that and I’ve been invited to join them.
Wow Hawking, good for you!
Well it is. Just...you know I’d be gone for a while.
For how long.
Three - four months.
Whoa. When would you leave?
A couple weeks.
Wow. OK. Well, I’ll just come visit you.
That’s the thing. You can’t. I’ll be on a ship in the North Sea.
On a ship? Aren’t they afraid Hawking will just roll overboard?
He’s not going to be there. He’s just sending a team to research his theory.
Oh sure. Like when you send me to kill spiders in your bathtub. Well, OK. Four months.
Yeah, I’m a little worried because things between us have been so great. And I’d hate to do anything to screw that up.
Oh, sweetie. If you’re going to do anything to screw things up, it’s going to be while you’re here, not while you’re away.
Are you OK?
No.
I’m so sorry.
No, it’s my fault. I finally find somebody who is right for me and I drove her away.
Oh. Raj.
Penny, I miss her already.
I known how you feel. I miss Leonard too
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I ever have love?
You will.
No. I’m unlovable.
That’s just the booze talking.
No, no. I haven’t had a drink since last night.
[Both realized what he said and look shocked]
You're talking to me.
I am.
Ahh!
Now I’m crying for a whole different reason.
Me too!
[on phone on deck of ship in storm] Sheldon! It's not a great time. What do you want?
Hello to you too. I'm sorry, but this is important.
What is it?
Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3-case, and Back to the Future 3 was, get this, in the Back to the Future 2-case.
SO?!
So... Did you do that or am I in the house with an intruder?
Sheldon, I've got to go inside. It's getting rough out here.
You're dodging the question. I knew it was you. What was that?
What was what?
This isn't a very good connection, but it sounded like someone just released a kraken.
Okay, I'm hanging up now. You know there is no such thing as a kraaaa...
Welcome to the exciting world of 3-D chess.
Why don't you admit you only want to play this game because you always play with Leonard and you miss him?
You over estimate his significance in my life.
Mmm.
Do I miss how he makes a face on my toaster waffle with syrup? No. Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck? I don't think so. Do I miss how we say good night to each other through the walls of our bedroom using Morse code? [Knocks his answer in Morse Code].
OK, I get it. I get it. You’re an emotionless robot.
Well, I try.
Sheldon. Your fight's with Leonard. Penny’s got nothing to do…
Careful Amy. The friend of my enemy’s girlfriend is my enemy.
Really.
Yes. You’re either with me or against me.
You want to take the bus to work?
Maybe there’s a third option.
So am I driving you to work or are you still mad at me?
I’d like a ride. Assuming you actually do take me to work.
Where do you think I would take you?
Who knows? You said you’d be home yesterday, but came home three days ago. You say you’re taking me to work, but for all I know I’ll end up in a deserted amusement park, or a cornfield maze or a back alley dog fight. You tell me.
I’m going to work. You can come if you want.
OK. By the way you have something on your shirt.
No, I don’t.
Hurts, doesn't it? You know I find myself wondering if anything you every told me is true.
I didn't make it back. The ship sank. I’m in hell.
You say you’re from New Jersey, but how can I believe you.
Why would anybody claim to be from New Jersey, if they weren't?
All right, I’ll give you that one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
