Sheldon Cooper quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon

[Carrying a tray of beakers] Here you go! This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.

Sheldon

I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced species from another planet. Not some hotsie-totsie from Glendale.

Sheldon

They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. You know? They have to help the viewers let go. Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended.

Sheldon

This seemed so elegant at the time. But, now I realize I was just a simple country boy, seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

Sheldon

I have excellent peripheral vision... On a good day I can see my ears.

Sheldon

I'm exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can't take this away.

Sheldon

What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences.

Sheldon

The show must go on, and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Sheldon

If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, a list would be at the top of that list.

Sheldon

I excel at many things, but getting over you isn't one of them. It's best we stay friends.

Sheldon

We'll never win. You always play the drinking game.

Sheldon

Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.

Sheldon

You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.

Sheldon

I'm mapping basic topics of conversation and with whom they can be discussed. I've called these circles zones of privacy. Don't google that unless you want to see pictures of people's genitals.

Sheldon

[about donating sperm] What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve?

Leonard

I'm sure she'll still love him.

Sheldon

I wouldn't.