The Animals of Farthing Wood quotes

Badger as leader? Huh!

Too ssslow and ssstupid.

A bird would be more suitable.

You mean... Kestrel?

Kestrel? Oh no no. She hasn't the common touch.

Whereas you have (!)

What are you getting at Adder?

Jussst raising you Owl.

Well yes... you're right, of course.

All the animals trussst you.

True.

And you're wise enough to know when sssomeone's winding you up!

What? Are you saying...

I'm jussst saying how wise you are!

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S1 E1The Wood in Danger

[Kestrel flies]

Look at this place. Just look at it, Weasel.

Ahahahahah! Doesn't get any better!

I don't know what you're laughing at. [sighs] How many more homes have we lost today, Owl?

Half a dozen semi-attached burrows, three fully furnished squirrel holes and at least 15 immaculately kept nests. [sees a tree fall down] Oh. 16.

Chopping away at us every day. Still, they're not satisfied.

[gulps] Don't look now, they'll be on us any minute! Any second!

Ah, our days are numbered.

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Isn't an assembly a bit drastic?

[walks up to a small ridge near the trickle] If this isn't drastic...

Mr. Hedgehog

Hmm, exactly.

Then what is?

But a Farthing Wood assembly, Fox? Why we haven't had one of those in years. They're only ever called if there's an.... er...

Emergency?

[Badger joins Fox near the trickle]

And I call this an emergency.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Not to put too fine a point on it, without water, we animals of Farthing Wood are hardly likely to survive.

Mr. Hedgehog

Hmm, here, here.

I mean, if you wouldn't call that an emergency, what would you call it? Alice? Ahahaha!

[unimpressed] Very funny.

Mr. Hedgehog

Erm, but if you don't mind my asking, what'll having some assembly achieve?

What can we mere animals do?

I'm not sure yet. But I reckon that if you and me and Badger and Weasel can get every single member of our woodland community together fast, then maybe one of us might come up with...

A solution?

[clapping] Clever clogs, clever clogs!

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Oh, somehow, I thought it might be you, Owl.

You're surly not excepting us to go down there, are you?

Yes.

Out of the question [turns back] won't get me down there.

Told you so.

[turns around] He who dwells in the soil himself becomes soiled. He who dwells in the light shall find enlightenment.

Owl, I know I can rely on you to set an example, and I assure you that my home is quite spotless.

Well, if you put it that way. [flies down]

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Not late, are we, Badger? Only, you know what the females are like. Takes so long to get ready, eh?

It's always my fault.

Of course.

Now, are we all here?

Not lassst, am I, Badger?

Well someone has to be, Adder. Just follow the glow worms and don't eat!

Ssshucks! I was looking forward to a few glow worms!

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Now, friends. Adder. And fellow woodlanders.

EEveryone

What's this all about?

Do get on with it!

You don't need me to underline the gravity of our situation.

We're all aware that since the giant Earth movers have moved in...

Life in Farthing Wood has become steadily more and more hazardous. For one and all.

[Outside, a big rock moves and Toad climbs out of the ground]

I'm still here!

First they devastated our habitat. And now...

Kestrel

They've even filled in our pond. Filled in our pond.

Yet still we've hung in there.

Kestrel

Blooded but unbowed.

But is there any way out from this dilemma?

Where indeed is the solution to our problems?

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[arrives in through the roof] I'm here maties! I'm coming!

Toad!

Your powers of deduction are admirable, Badger.

Ha-ha, same old Owlie!

Same old Toad.

Bet you never thought you'd see me again, eh, maties? [Owl turns back]

We were ssso ssaddened you sssnuffed it.

But where have you been?

Where haven't I been more like. Taken away against my will, weren't I? Captivated I were and took off in a jam jar. But all the time I were away, I kept saying myself Toad, you must get, home. It was the thought that you lot kept me going.

Fancy.

Must get back to my maties I kept thinking. Must get back to my...

Pond?

Exactly.

Speaking of which, um, I'm afraid.

What?

There's some rather bad news, Toad.

It's your p-p-po-p-p-pond, Toad. You see?

It's been filled in.

What?! [faints]

You see, Toad, you have to understand there have been a great many changes. [Toad gets up] While you've been away...

But my pond!

Gone completely I'm afraid.

And the newts' puddle? [He sees the newts sob together] And the stream?

Just a muddy trickle now, which is why we've called this assembly, Toad.

[bursts into tears] Oh!

If we ever get to hold this meeting.

You see, we've got to face facts, old son. As a community, we're all but finished here. Man and his machines have seen to that.

[angrily pounding his fists] Don't talk to me about those machines! I know all about them!

In fact, it must be obvious to everyone here that...

...If we don't find a new watering hole within the next few days...

...Then we are going to be in the very worst kind of distress. If you know what I mean. [the animals look worried]

Could we try... digging water?

In earth as dry as a biscuit? Don't be silly, Mole.

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I knows the place that we could go to.

Who asked you?

It's a great little place, a wonderful place.

Poor old Toad. Obviously rambling poor fella.

Purpose-built for animals like us.

Was it really, Toad?

They calls it 'White Deer Park', Moley.

White Deer?

'Tis a nature preserve.

Is it really?

It's a place where all wild creatures are protected by humans.

Ahahahahaha! Hahahahaha!

If such a place existed, I would know about it.

Did you come upon this Deer White place on your travels, Toad?

That I did, Moley. Hur!

Deer White Park, eh?

Hmm. White Deer Park.

Never heard of either of them.

Well, I know it well and nowhere's better I reckon.

Well, Fox? What do you think?

Have we any alternative?

Humm, quite. Then White Deer Park it is, everyone.

What?!

All those in favour.

EEveryone

Aye!

Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hur!

Well done, Toad.

EEveryone

[Weasel claps her paws] Hooray!

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My late father remembered it, when those men first started cutting down our trees... to build their brick and glass boxes. It was called the Oath of Mutual Protection.

EEveryone

Oath of Mutual Protection?

It's a promise not to...

... Frighten?

... Terrorize or consume one another.

Not... eat... one another? Who's the sssnake supposed to survive?

Quite. So if you'll all raise your right paw... [Owl looks at her wings] or claw. [Owl raises her right wing] And repeat after me. I, name of animal.

I, name of animal.

No! I, Toad! Or um...

RMr. Rabbit

I, Rabbit.

Yes.

EEveryone

I, [Fieldmouse, Rabbit, Hare, Squirrel]

Do solemly swear...

EEveryone

Do solemly swear...

Not to swallow anybody.

EEveryone

Not to swallow anybody.

Not to swallow... [whispering] Except when nobody's looking.

...While on route to this place of Toad's. Toad will obviously be our guide on your journey.

And, leader!

Um, just guide, I think, Toad. But, Toad is right. We will need a leader. Someone we can look up to. Someone cunning and courageous and...

Preferably not a snake? Ahahahaha! [Everyone laughs, except Adder who glares at Weasel] Joking! [gulps]

I therefore nominate... Fox, to be our leader.

EEveryone

Fox?

Mr. Hare

Huh?! Are you off your trolley?!

EEveryone

Why Fox?

Thanks a bundle, Badger.

BRBaby Rabbit

[scared] Fox? But why Fox?

No, no, no, no, Fox has all the right qualities, Hare. He's an experienced traveler, er, roams far and wide over all sorts of terrain and he's used to scavenging.

Huh!

Oh, don't be like that, Owl. We can't all be leader. Now, I'm sure we've got lots of things to do before we leave [Rabbit, Hedgehog, Fieldmouse and Squirrel leave], eating our last few berries and, er, cleaning our fur coats. So just don't forget... midnight!

We meet by the Great Beech of midnight.

EEveryone

Midnight! Midnight! Midnight at the Great Beech! Midnight at the Great Beech!

[Fox, Badger and Adder leave. Then Adder eats one of the glow worms]

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S1 E2The Journey Begins

It's a nightmare!

Yes, dear.

How would they like it if they were hunted all the time? They'd not be singing and dancing then!

No, dear.

I'll be a sitting target!

I'll do my best to look after you.

You? What good are you?!

Twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine...

Are we all here, Badger?

[sighs] Afraid not, Fox. Mole is missing.

Let's do ourselves a favor and give him the slip. Mole's slow, stupid and tasteless!

[Mole overhears Adder, starts crying and leaves.]

He's better company than you any day, Adder! We cannot leave without Mole.

Sorry, Badger. There's no time to waste. We're going now. [Adder chuckles]

Well, you go on then. Mole and I will catch up with you. [leaves to find Mole]

Alright, everyone, we're moving off.

AAnimals

We're going to be alright... [Kestrel calls] One adventure can't wait. Hooray! Hooray!

Toad, take the lead. And remember, we're all relying on you.

Righto, matey! [hops]

BNBaby Newt

[wails] Water!

It seems that some of us can scarcely put one foot in front of the other. The newts won't last the night.

Only you can find water in the dark, Owl.

True. I shall fly ahead. Rely on me!

Mrs Rabbit

Good luck, Owl.

[thinking] Luck's something we're all going to need.

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[Mr Pheasant is sleeping]

Wake up, dear.

[startled] DON'T SHOOT!!!

Time to go, dear.

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Is that you, Moley?

Go away.

Moley, everyone's waiting for you!

Don't stop, Badger. I'm not going. They could plead and plead with me, but I made up my mind, I'm not going.

Whyever not, Mole?

[crying] Because... because... it wouldn't be fair on the rest of you. [weeps]

Nonsense, Mole! We couldn't leave without you!

I'd only hold you up because I'm so little, and... and...

And what, Moley?

Slow.

Slow?

And... tasteless... [sobs]

Ah, Adder. You know better than to listen to her. We all took the oath of mutual protection. and that means... it means, um... I'll look after you, Moley.

[emerges from the ground] All the way?

All the way. It wouldn't be the same without you, Mole.

Honest?

Honest, Moley. You're coming with me. Leave you behind, indeed.

[relieved] Oh, Badger.

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