Adder quotes from The Animals of Farthing Wood

Badger as leader? Huh!

Adder

Too ssslow and ssstupid.

A bird would be more suitable.

Adder

You mean... Kestrel?

Kestrel? Oh no no. She hasn't the common touch.

Adder

Whereas you have (!)

What are you getting at Adder?

Adder

Jussst raising you Owl.

Well yes... you're right, of course.

Adder

All the animals trussst you.

True.

Adder

And you're wise enough to know when sssomeone's winding you up!

What? Are you saying...

Adder

I'm jussst saying how wise you are!

S1 Who Shall Wear The Crown?

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Not late, are we, Badger? Only, you know what the females are like. Takes so long to get ready, eh?

It's always my fault.

Of course.

Now, are we all here?

Adder

Not lassst, am I, Badger?

Well someone has to be, Adder. Just follow the glow worms and don't eat!

Adder

Ssshucks! I was looking forward to a few glow worms!

S1 E1 The Wood in Danger

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[arrives in through the roof] I'm here maties! I'm coming!

Toad!

Your powers of deduction are admirable, Badger.

Ha-ha, same old Owlie!

Same old Toad.

Bet you never thought you'd see me again, eh, maties? [Owl turns back]

Adder

We were ssso ssaddened you sssnuffed it.

Mrs. Rabbit

But where have you been?

Where haven't I been more like. Taken away against my will, weren't I? Captivated I were and took off in a jam jar. But all the time I were away, I kept saying myself Toad, you must get, home. It was the thought that you lot kept me going.

Adder

Fancy.

Must get back to my maties I kept thinking. Must get back to my...

Mole

Pond?

Exactly.

Speaking of which, um, I'm afraid.

What?

There's some rather bad news, Toad.

Mole

It's your p-p-po-p-p-pond, Toad. You see?

It's been filled in.

What?! [faints]

You see, Toad, you have to understand there have been a great many changes. [Toad gets up] While you've been away...

But my pond!

Gone completely I'm afraid.

And the newts' puddle? [He sees the newts sob together] And the stream?

Just a muddy trickle now, which is why we've called this assembly, Toad.

[bursts into tears] Oh!

If we ever get to hold this meeting.

You see, we've got to face facts, old son. As a community, we're all but finished here. Man and his machines have seen to that.

[angrily pounding his fists] Don't talk to me about those machines! I know all about them!

In fact, it must be obvious to everyone here that...

...If we don't find a new watering hole within the next few days...

...Then we are going to be in the very worst kind of distress. If you know what I mean. [the animals look worried]

Mole

Could we try... digging water?

In earth as dry as a biscuit? Don't be silly, Mole.

S1 E1 The Wood in Danger

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My late father remembered it, when those men first started cutting down our trees... to build their brick and glass boxes. It was called the Oath of Mutual Protection.

EEveryone

Oath of Mutual Protection?

It's a promise not to...

... Frighten?

... Terrorize or consume one another.

Adder

Not... eat... one another? Who's the sssnake supposed to survive?

Quite. So if you'll all raise your right paw... [Owl looks at her wings] or claw. [Owl raises her right wing] And repeat after me. I, name of animal.

I, name of animal.

No! I, Toad! Or um...

RMr. Rabbit

I, Rabbit.

Yes.

EEveryone

I, [Fieldmouse, Rabbit, Hare, Squirrel]

Do solemly swear...

EEveryone

Do solemly swear...

Not to swallow anybody.

EEveryone

Not to swallow anybody.

Adder

Not to swallow... [whispering] Except when nobody's looking.

...While on route to this place of Toad's. Toad will obviously be our guide on your journey.

And, leader!

Um, just guide, I think, Toad. But, Toad is right. We will need a leader. Someone we can look up to. Someone cunning and courageous and...

Preferably not a snake? Ahahahaha! [Everyone laughs, except Adder who glares at Weasel] Joking! [gulps]

I therefore nominate... Fox, to be our leader.

EEveryone

Fox?

Mr. Hare

Huh?! Are you off your trolley?!

EEveryone

Why Fox?

Thanks a bundle, Badger.

BRBaby Rabbit

[scared] Fox? But why Fox?

No, no, no, no, Fox has all the right qualities, Hare. He's an experienced traveler, er, roams far and wide over all sorts of terrain and he's used to scavenging.

Huh!

Oh, don't be like that, Owl. We can't all be leader. Now, I'm sure we've got lots of things to do before we leave [Rabbit, Hedgehog, Fieldmouse and Squirrel leave], eating our last few berries and, er, cleaning our fur coats. So just don't forget... midnight!

We meet by the Great Beech of midnight.

EEveryone

Midnight! Midnight! Midnight at the Great Beech! Midnight at the Great Beech!

[Fox, Badger and Adder leave. Then Adder eats one of the glow worms]

S1 E1 The Wood in Danger

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It's a nightmare!

Yes, dear.

How would they like it if they were hunted all the time? They'd not be singing and dancing then!

No, dear.

I'll be a sitting target!

I'll do my best to look after you.

You? What good are you?!

Twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine...

Are we all here, Badger?

[sighs] Afraid not, Fox. Mole is missing.

Adder

Let's do ourselves a favor and give him the slip. Mole's slow, stupid and tasteless!

[Mole overhears Adder, starts crying and leaves.]

He's better company than you any day, Adder! We cannot leave without Mole.

Sorry, Badger. There's no time to waste. We're going now. [Adder chuckles]

Well, you go on then. Mole and I will catch up with you. [leaves to find Mole]

Alright, everyone, we're moving off.

AAnimals

We're going to be alright... [Kestrel calls] One adventure can't wait. Hooray! Hooray!

Toad, take the lead. And remember, we're all relying on you.

Righto, matey! [hops]

BNBaby Newt

[wails] Water!

It seems that some of us can scarcely put one foot in front of the other. The newts won't last the night.

Only you can find water in the dark, Owl.

True. I shall fly ahead. Rely on me!

Mrs Rabbit

Good luck, Owl.

[thinking] Luck's something we're all going to need.

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Mrs. Rabbit

Don't panic! Those newts are on their last legs!

Adder

Lucky they've got any!

Mrs. Rabbit

[checks up on the newts] What's wrong?

NMrs. Newt

Our baby's dying.

NMr. Newt

If we don't find water soon, we'll all die.

FMr. Fieldmouse

I can face it! Tell me, are we all going to die, Fox?

Probably! Ahahahaha! Want to take bets on it?

Mr. Hare

Perhaps we should go back.

Mrs. Hare

Do you think we should?

No one's going back. There's nothing to go back for.

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Adder

Thisss is going to be interesssting!

Come on in Adder! Get your feet wet!

Adder

Chance would be a fine thing!

Got a bit of a problem Adder? I could get you a drink no trouble! How much is it worth eh?

Adder

You scratch my back... I'll scratch yours!

Fair enough. I've been wanting to do this for ages! [She lowers Adder into the pool]

Adder

Ssswindler! Shharper! Sneak!

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[Adder is stuck in the swimming pool]

Adder

Psst! Still here Foxy, submerged... but not sunk!

Oh shut up!

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[Fox has brought garden cane to help Adder escape from the pool]

Adder

What am I supposssed to do with thisss? Eat it?

Hang onto it, you silly slithering...

Adder

Say you're sorry!

Alright! If you insist!