Weasel quotes from The Animals of Farthing Wood

Look at this place. Just look at it, Weasel.

Weasel

Ahahahahah! Doesn't get any better!

I don't know what you're laughing at. [sighs] How many more homes have we lost today, Owl?

Half a dozen semi-attached burrows, three fully furnished squirrel holes and at least 15 immaculately kept nests. [sees a tree fall down] Oh. 16.

Chopping away at us every day. Still, they're not satisfied.

Weasel

[gulps] Don't look now, they'll be on us any minute! Any second!

Ah, our days are numbered.

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Isn't an assembly a bit drastic?

[walks up to a small ridge near the trickle] If this isn't drastic...

Mr. Hedgehog

Hmm, exactly.

Then what is?

But a Farthing Wood assembly, Fox? Why we haven't had one of those in years. They're only ever called if there's an.... er...

Weasel

Emergency?

[Badger joins Fox near the trickle]

And I call this an emergency.

Weasel

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Not to put too fine a point on it, without water, we animals of Farthing Wood are hardly likely to survive.

Mr. Hedgehog

Hmm, here, here.

Weasel

I mean, if you wouldn't call that an emergency, what would you call it? Alice? Ahahaha!

[unimpressed] Very funny.

Mr. Hedgehog

Erm, but if you don't mind my asking, what'll having some assembly achieve?

What can we mere animals do?

I'm not sure yet. But I reckon that if you and me and Badger and Weasel can get every single member of our woodland community together fast, then maybe one of us might come up with...

A solution?

Weasel

[clapping] Clever clogs, clever clogs!

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Oh, somehow, I thought it might be you, Owl.

You're surly not excepting us to go down there, are you?

Yes.

Out of the question [turns back] won't get me down there.

Weasel

Told you so.

[turns around] He who dwells in the soil himself becomes soiled. He who dwells in the light shall find enlightenment.

Owl, I know I can rely on you to set an example, and I assure you that my home is quite spotless.

Well, if you put it that way. [flies down]

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I knows the place that we could go to.

Who asked you?

It's a great little place, a wonderful place.

Poor old Toad. Obviously rambling poor fella.

Purpose-built for animals like us.

Was it really, Toad?

They calls it 'White Deer Park', Moley.

White Deer?

'Tis a nature preserve.

Is it really?

It's a place where all wild creatures are protected by humans.

Weasel

Ahahahahaha! Hahahahaha!

If such a place existed, I would know about it.

Did you come upon this Deer White place on your travels, Toad?

That I did, Moley. Hur!

Deer White Park, eh?

Hmm. White Deer Park.

Never heard of either of them.

Well, I know it well and nowhere's better I reckon.

Well, Fox? What do you think?

Have we any alternative?

Humm, quite. Then White Deer Park it is, everyone.

What?!

All those in favour.

EEveryone

Aye!

Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hur!

Well done, Toad.

EEveryone

[Weasel claps her paws] Hooray!

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My late father remembered it, when those men first started cutting down our trees... to build their brick and glass boxes. It was called the Oath of Mutual Protection.

EEveryone

Oath of Mutual Protection?

It's a promise not to...

... Frighten?

... Terrorize or consume one another.

Not... eat... one another? Who's the sssnake supposed to survive?

Quite. So if you'll all raise your right paw... [Owl looks at her wings] or claw. [Owl raises her right wing] And repeat after me. I, name of animal.

I, name of animal.

No! I, Toad! Or um...

RMr. Rabbit

I, Rabbit.

Yes.

EEveryone

I, [Fieldmouse, Rabbit, Hare, Squirrel]

Do solemly swear...

EEveryone

Do solemly swear...

Not to swallow anybody.

EEveryone

Not to swallow anybody.

Not to swallow... [whispering] Except when nobody's looking.

...While on route to this place of Toad's. Toad will obviously be our guide on your journey.

And, leader!

Um, just guide, I think, Toad. But, Toad is right. We will need a leader. Someone we can look up to. Someone cunning and courageous and...

Weasel

Preferably not a snake? Ahahahaha! [Everyone laughs, except Adder who glares at Weasel] Joking! [gulps]

I therefore nominate... Fox, to be our leader.

EEveryone

Fox?

Mr. Hare

Huh?! Are you off your trolley?!

EEveryone

Why Fox?

Thanks a bundle, Badger.

BRBaby Rabbit

[scared] Fox? But why Fox?

No, no, no, no, Fox has all the right qualities, Hare. He's an experienced traveler, er, roams far and wide over all sorts of terrain and he's used to scavenging.

Huh!

Oh, don't be like that, Owl. We can't all be leader. Now, I'm sure we've got lots of things to do before we leave [Rabbit, Hedgehog, Fieldmouse and Squirrel leave], eating our last few berries and, er, cleaning our fur coats. So just don't forget... midnight!

We meet by the Great Beech of midnight.

EEveryone

Midnight! Midnight! Midnight at the Great Beech! Midnight at the Great Beech!

[Fox, Badger and Adder leave. Then Adder eats one of the glow worms]

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Don't panic! Those newts are on their last legs!

Lucky they've got any!

[checks up on the newts] What's wrong?

NMrs. Newt

Our baby's dying.

NMr. Newt

If we don't find water soon, we'll all die.

FMr. Fieldmouse

I can face it! Tell me, are we all going to die, Fox?

Weasel

Probably! Ahahahaha! Want to take bets on it?

Mr. Hare

Perhaps we should go back.

Mrs. Hare

Do you think we should?

No one's going back. There's nothing to go back for.

S1 E2 The Journey Begins

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Thisss is going to be interesssting!

Come on in Adder! Get your feet wet!

Chance would be a fine thing!

Weasel

Got a bit of a problem Adder? I could get you a drink no trouble! How much is it worth eh?

You scratch my back... I'll scratch yours!

Weasel

Fair enough. I've been wanting to do this for ages! [She lowers Adder into the pool]

Ssswindler! Shharper! Sneak!

S1 E2 The Journey Begins

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[About riding on Badger] I feel so guilty riding along like this, while everyone else is so tired and I'm not helping at all.

You're more help where you are than you would be on the ground, Moley.

I could keep up, now that you've all slowed down!

I'd swap places with Mole any time.

Weasel

What would you hold on with? Your teeth?

I'd be pleased to steal a ride on you... Weasel!

S1 E2 The Journey Begins

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Traveled too far yesterday, Fox.

Too fast for us small animals, too slow for you.

Hmm, true, Toad. It's very uncomfortable for us larger animals.

Oh dear, it's all my fault. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Badger.

I didn't mean you were making me uncomfortable, Moley. Go on, eat your worms. It's alright.

[Mole goes back underground.]

You're right, Badger. We can't slow our pace any further. What are we going to do?

Weasel

I know! What Adder needs is a sting in the tail! [laughs] That'll make her move!

I'll give you a sting in the tail!

[Weasel screams and runs off.]

Some weasels never learn.

S1 E3 Through Fire and Through Water

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[One of the squirrels finds a live bullet and picks up]

Throw that away! It might be dangerous!

[The squirrel tosses the bullet, which lands behind Mr. Pheasant. The bullet explodes, ruining Mr. Pheasant's tailfeathers and making him scream in shock.]

Weasel

[shocked] Oops!

Mrs. Pheasant

Are you alright, dear?

I'll never be able to turn my back on anyone again! [sobs]

Mrs. Pheasant

That'll be a nice change.

Is that all you're worried about?!

When you've been shot at as often as I have, Fox, you realize nothing's more important than one's personal dignity!

The quicker we're out of here, the better! Get into single file, everybody, and don't step out of line! This is dangerous country! Toad? Where's Toad?!

Too tired to move.

Take a rest, everybody. I'm going back for him.

S1 E3 Through Fire and Through Water

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TGTom Griggs

[to his dog Bruno] Right, Bruno, now's your chance to save your skin. Guard that door. And guard it well. Because if that fox escapes, you'll be as dead as this bird. [he holds up a dead Mrs. Pheasant]

[wails] My wife!

TGTom Griggs

[to Fox] You wait 'till I'm reloading my gun, Fox. I'll get my own back on you, you see if I don't.

Check the windows.

They're shut.

[Tom Briggs takes a dead Mrs. Pheasant]

I'm afraid your wife's going to be the farmer's dinner, Pheasant.