Mr. Rabbit quotes from The Animals of Farthing Wood

If something's wrong just don't tell me!

Badger

My late father remembered it, when those men first started cutting down our trees... to build their brick and glass boxes. It was called the Oath of Mutual Protection.

Oath of Mutual Protection?

Badger

It's a promise not to...

Fox

... Frighten?

Owl

... Terrorize or consume one another.

Adder

Not... eat... one another? Who's the sssnake supposed to survive?

Badger

Quite. So if you'll all raise your right paw... [Owl looks at her wings] or claw. [Owl raises her right wing] And repeat after me. I, name of animal.

Toad

I, name of animal.

Badger

No! I, Toad! Or um...

I, Rabbit.

Badger

Yes.

I, [Fieldmouse, Rabbit, Hare, Squirrel]

Badger

Do solemly swear...

Do solemly swear...

Badger

Not to swallow anybody.

Not to swallow anybody.

Adder

Not to swallow... [whispering] Except when nobody's looking.

Badger

...While on route to this place of Toad's. Toad will obviously be our guide on your journey.

Toad

And, leader!

Badger

Um, just guide, I think, Toad. But, Toad is right. We will need a leader. Someone we can look up to. Someone cunning and courageous and...

Weasel

Preferably not a snake? Ahahahaha! [Everyone laughs, except Adder who glares at Weasel] Joking! [gulps]

Badger

I therefore nominate... Fox, to be our leader.

Fox?

Mr. Hare

Huh?! Are you off your trolley?!

Why Fox?

Fox

Thanks a bundle, Badger.

[scared] Fox? But why Fox?

Badger

No, no, no, no, Fox has all the right qualities, Hare. He's an experienced traveler, er, roams far and wide over all sorts of terrain and he's used to scavenging.

Owl

Huh!

Badger

Oh, don't be like that, Owl. We can't all be leader. Now, I'm sure we've got lots of things to do before we leave [Rabbit, Hedgehog, Fieldmouse and Squirrel leave], eating our last few berries and, er, cleaning our fur coats. So just don't forget... midnight!

Fox

We meet by the Great Beech of midnight.

Midnight! Midnight! Midnight at the Great Beech! Midnight at the Great Beech!

Fox

Rabbits! What are you doing?!

We're PANICKING!

Badger

I can't see what's happening.

Weasel

The Rabbits are panicking and swimming round in circles in the middle of the river!

Badger

Grrr. Those rabbits. Even with one your problems are multiplied. [calling out to Fox] Fox, do you need any help?

Help...No! Save me!

Fox

Stop going round in circles. Swim straight in front of you!

Owl

You are standing on poisoned land. It's in the ground we walk on, the air we breathe, and the plants which seem so luscious are probably deadly!

Weasel

AAAGH!

But.. but how?

Owl

It was done deliberately.

Fox

The farmer! I knew I recognized that smell.

Owl

He keeps the poison hidden from his own kind. There are some things even humans don't approve of.

Mole! It's all your fault!

Toad

Well, at least it isn't mine for a change, eh mateys?

Did you say the warden's gone?

Owl

No... I said the moon was made of green cheese.

(pauses) Is it really?

Owl

I saw some carrots. Shall I fetch them too?

(While stuffing his face with cabbage) Please Owl. Now my mate's carrying young we need much more food than before!

Mrs Rabbit

I'm the one carrying the young, not you!

Fox

What's up Rabbit?

My mate's in there! She's having her babies! It's agony, oh it's agony! You can't imagine!

Fox

Hold on old son. She's having the babies, not you.

Yes but I'm so sensitive. I feel every last twinge. You can't imagine.

Fox

No... I can't(!).