Donna Pinciotti quotes from That '70s Show

Kelso

Oops, sorry!

Donna

[covers self in time] Kelso! Kelso, we just talked about this today!

Kelso

Damn, Donna. If you'd just let me see them, I'd stop!

Donna

[grunts] Fine. [flashes Kelso]

Kelso

They're beautiful...[collapses]

Hyde

Oh, guys, Fez's concert's about to start. Which means we have three more hours without his sorry ass! Let's eat his candy!

Donna

Yeah. [imitating Fez] "My name is Fez, I love candy! Whore! Good day! I said good day!"

Eric

Yeah, and the best part is that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend. [chuckles] Like I care! I wish he were dead. Oh, hey, we should kill him!

Kelso

No, I got a better idea. Let's sing without him.

Donna

What the hell!

Jackie

Oh, my God.

Eric

I'm blind!

Jackie

Get off me! [pushes Hyde away]

Hyde

[to Donna] Great outfit.

Jackie

So, yeah. What exactly did you guys see?

Eric

You, him, hands, tongues. It was horrible!

Donna

You were like Siamese twins joined at the beard.

Eric

It's true. I'm gonna march over there and talk to Bob... I love a good march. My birthday's in March, then it's on to April. April Showers. Oh, The Seduction Of Eric Forman, starring the insatiable April Showers! [laughs]

Donna

Are you really gonna go talk to my dad for me? Eric, you’re so sweet and brave. Pound for pound, you’re like, the bravest guy in the whole world. I love you so much!

Fez

Well, my candy is safe. But something was up with Jackie. She looked scared, like a deer in the headlights with his pants down.

Kelso

Man, I feel sorry for Jackie. I mean, to have to look at this all day and not be able to touch it? I can’t even do that!

Eric

[to Donna] God, I love you.

Donna

I love you more. [starts making out with Eric]

Fez

Sexy.

Kelso

Hey! You two quit it, okay?! This circle is sacred! You don't do anything in here that you wouldn't do in a church! No, wait... in a cemetery! No, wait... in the teacher's lounge! Man, I've done it everywhere.

Kelso

I can't believe that you knew that Jackie and Hyde were together and you didn't tell me.

Eric

We...barely knew.

Donna

Yeah, we knew, but we were in denial because it's so unnatural.

Eric

Like radioactive spiders.

Kelso

Well, that's true. It's just, how could Hyde do this to me?

Kitty

Uh-oh, sounds like he knows.

Fez

Finally.

Kelso

What, your mom knew?! And Fez?! Fez never knows anything!

Donna

Well, I think this whole room is a great example of bad taste. [Kitty and Red just walked in]

Kitty

Excuse me?

Donna

Uh, Mrs Forman-

Kitty

I have spent years picking every item in this room so that I would be surrounded by the things that I love and the people I thought loved me.

Red

Hey, Kitty, how about a nap?

Kitty

[snaps at Red] And you, [picks up TV remote control] have you fixed the damn clicker yet? What good is a clicker if it won't click?!? [stomps at remote]

Eric

Watch the gun, Cool Hand Luke.

Kelso

[stands up] Relax. Guns don't just go off by accident.

Donna

Oh really? What about Eric's fourth-grade hamster, Snowball?

Eric

What? No, Snowball didn't get shot. He went upstate to live with a nice farm family. [catches on] You shot Snowball?!!

Kelso

The gun went off by accident!

Kitty

OH MY GOD!

Donna

Oh my God!

Hyde

Alright! It's Donna's butt!

Red

DAMN IT!! That's where I eat dinner!

Eric

Did you hear that? The shrill voice, the bossy tone, the random hatred of all things that bounce. Oh my God, she's Jackie.

Donna

A new Jackie.

Eric

A blonde Jackie.

Blackie!!! [a dramatic chord plays]

Fez

We're doomed!

So what were you saying dear?

Eric

[sitting next to Donna] Well I was just saying that, I'm getting married!

Oh honey! How wonderful! So who's the lucky girl?

Eric

[nods to his right] Umm, Donna.

Well I guess this is a small town. [she exits]

Donna

What the hell did that mean?

Eric

That my friend is the seldom heard but much feared grandma burn. Your only warning is the jingle of costume jewelry and the overpowering scent of Ben-gay.

Red

So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumb-ass, with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.

Hyde

That was, like, eight burns in one sentence.

Donna

An octoburn... Let's get the hell out of here. [Everyone leaves but Eric and Red.]

Kitty

Donna, you're so sweet for letting Jackie live here with you while her mother is...[pauses]...you know.

Donna

Whoring around Mexico?

Kitty

Donna that is not fair...[pauses]...I think she left Mexico.

Hyde

Hey, weren't we supposed to seize something, man?

Donna

You know what the Six Million Dollar Man should have? A bionic nose. You could smell everything!

Eric

Guys, all I know is that we should really appreciate this. 'Cause... I don't think we're gonna be able to do this in college.

Kelso

This peach cobbler... is amazing! I love how they have a whole pan of peach cobbler just sittin' on a counter!

Jackie

See? We don't need anyone else. We have lots of interesting things to say. [to Hyde] Right?

Hyde

...Hey. There's this car that runs on water.

Hyde

It runs on water, man!

Donna

That is awesome! Fez, you gotta tell us about this dream.

Kelso

Wha? No you don't gotta! Look at him! He's undressing me with his eyes, right now!

Fez

You undressed yourself you son of a bitch!!!

Eric

Fez, tell us what happened. And, and don't be afraid to use colorful words like sweaty, or fondle or forbidden. Go on.

Fez

Well...Kelso was a nurse. And there was ... sponging.

Kelso

Ohhh!

Fez

Hey, maybe, maybe the dream continued and we went to find some girls?

Kelso

Well, did it continue?!?

Fez

No! What could this mean?

Kelso

Well, isn't it obvious? It means that I'm gay!

Red

Look at you. You got that great dog food job now. And plenty of dog food money comin' in. I mean ... you two are happy, right?

Donna

Very happy.

Eric

Yes.

Red

Of course you are. And that's why I've changed my mind. This promising new career in dog food has convinced me ... that you two are mature enough to get married.

Eric

Wha-Are, are you serious?

Red

Absolutely! Hey! Let's get you happy kids hitched as soon as possible! Like next week!

Donna

Next week? Wow that's, that's really soon.

Eric

Yeah, well sooner than we thought. We were thinkin' like ... someday.

Donna

Yeah, yeah someday. That's good.