[Donna and Eric are in his room, putting their clothes back on.]
Donna, I'm so glad you're my study partner. Because you make learning fun. [Laughs and kisses Donna.]
DonnaOkay, well, no more study breaks. We have to get this report done.
[Both walk over to his bed and pick up their stuff.]
Report on the current state of U.S.-Soviet relations. Okay, we need a title.
Donna
How 'bout... Current State of U.S.-Soviet Relations?
Damn, you're smart. [Writes title down on paper.] "U.S.-Soviet Relations". [Looks up at Donna; jumps on top of her and they start making out.]
[Eric and Donna are giving the others "special" brownies to show that there are no hard feelings about the dine-and-dash.]
Special brownies... Like the special kind of special?
Donna
The best kind of special.
[After Hyde, Fez, Jackie and Kelso eat the brownies]
Something's wrong. I don't feel special.
Yeah. I don't think those were special brownies, man.
Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Donna, do you have any more of that special ingredient we used?
Donna
Well, I certainly do, Eric. [brings out a box from a shirt pocket] Chocolate Super-Lax.
[Eric and Donna are giving the others "special" brownies to show that there are no hard feelings about the dine-and-dash]
Special brownies... Like the special kind of special?
Donna
The best kind of special.
[After Hyde, Fez, Jackie and Kelso eat the brownies, they start feeling uncomfortable]
Something's wrong. I don't feel special.
Yeah. I don't think those were special brownies, man.
Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Donna, do you have any more of that special ingredient we used?
Donna
Well, I certainly do, Eric. [brings out a box from her shirt pocket] Chocolate Super-Lax!
[The gang, minus Eric and Donna, are shocked]
Donna
We so did. And maybe you'll think twice before screwing us. [tosses the box at Kelso as he catches it]
Well, nice try, 'cause I don't feel any– [suddenly he has to go to the bathroom] OH!
[The same starts happening to Jackie, Fez and Kelso]
[The four of them all run up the stairs and they're squirming their way up. Fez can't get up the stairs]
[Fez tries to leave through the other door when his girlfriend, Caroline, runs inside]
CCaroline
I know. You're surprised to see me, right? And upset.
Yes, many things are upset!
[Fez starts anxiously fidgeting and jumping around]
CCaroline
Will you listen, Fez? About last night, I know you were angry.
CCaroline
And you had every right to be! But you know what this was? Our first fight!
CCaroline
And it made us a real couple, if you can forgive me.
Fine! Move away from the door!
CCaroline
So, we're okay? [Fez just groans] Good! Now, let's make up like a real couple.
[She closes her eyes and goes in for the kiss. Fez slowly turns to look at Eric and Donna]
YOU BASTARDS! [shoves Caroline and runs outside]
[Later, Kelso walks back downstairs to the basement after using the bathroom]
Okay, you guys. That was a wicked burn. I mean, it had all the elements: You didn't see it coming, parts of it really hurt...
Well, Kelso, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Oh, I did. [takes another "special" brownie and eats it] I got my eye on you two. You're not gonna burn me like that again!
Donna
I love our friends.
[Having been hired at WFPP, Donna is introduced to her new job by the manager, Max, when the DJ, Jerry Thunder, comes on air]
JTJerry Thunder
Oh, yeah, this is Jerry Thunder [plays thunderclap sound effect] Coming to you on The Sound! And it looks like we got a new office girl. What's your name, baby?
Donna
[speaks to mic] Um, Donna.
JJerry
Mmm. Well, Donna, you are hot. So I'm gonna call you... Hot Donna.
Donna
Okay.
JJerry
You got yourself a boyfriend, Hot Donna?
Donna
[ignore Max' cutting gesture]Um... no.
JJerry
Mmm. That is good news, fellas. 'Cause Hot Donna is... hot!
Donna
Uhm Max, why'd you make me say that? 'Cause I have a boyfriend.
MMax
Fine. You have a boyfriend. So does Elton John.
Donna
No way!
MMax
Yeah! They're a fantastic couple. I love 'em. The point is... we're selling an image here... and an available Hot Donna is good for ratings.
Donna
Oh. Well, what the hell. Eric won't have a problem with this.
[Switch to Eric's basement]
What the hell? I have a problem with this!
[Donna just told Jackie what Eric tried to do during their last 'session']
He did? What the heck for?
Donna
I don't know. In what universe is that sexy?
Only one... the skinny, pervert universe.
Donna
It was just so strange. I mean, usually he just sticks to, like, two or three key moves.
You know, I bet it's because of that nudie flick they saw yesterday.
Donna
They went to an X-rated movie?
Donna
No. God, why would Eric go see something like that? I mean, is our sex life so boring that he has to sneak around and watch other people do it?
Donna, of course it is. It's okay.
[At the Forman house garage, Eric and Donna talk about their relationship, which has taken a bad turn.]
Donna
If we're meant to be together, then we'll end up together.
No. The way we end up together is by saying we'll be together and then...being together.
Donna
Eric come on, we're together now. Isn't that enough?
NO! I mean [walks away then faces Donna] I mean, DAMN Donna! If you can see a future for yourself without me, and that doesn't, like, break your heart, then we're not doing what I thought we're doing here and you know what? Maybe we shouldn't even be together at all!
Donna
[after short pause] Are you breaking up with me?
Are you giving back that ring?
Donna
Yes.
Then, yes. [Donna leaves ring on hood.]
[Donna is cleaning up the garden, when she walks to the hedge and runs into Eric]
Donna
'Hey'? Is that all you have to say to me?
Well, what do you have to say to me?
Donna
Huh. How about this? 'Hey.'
Donna
You are wrong, you dill-hole! [walks off]
Oh, great. That's nice. That's really mature. Double dill-hole! [to himself] Double dill-hole?!
[At Eric's basement, Eric is not happy about Donna's presence]
Donna
Oh, right. Paul McCartney and Wings are on tonight. [sits down]
[paces around] Okay, so... Okay, we're all here now. So... So, Donna, you're staying?
Donna
Okay.
What I meant to say was... Look, Donna, I don't think it's cool if you hang out here.
Donna
So, what, you're like, kicking me out? ... Wow. Okay then. Bye.
Well, if you're kicking her out, then you're kicking me out.
No, Jackie no. Oh, wait. I mean, bye!
[The gang sees Fez come back from ballet practice]
Hey, uh, puffy-shirt guy called. He wants his puffy shirt back.
Things at ballet class have taken a turn for the worse. Somehow, I've become one of the girls...a hairy, brown girl.
Hey, uh, Fez does that shirt come with its own bicycle pump?
Donna
You should talk. [points at Eric's striped shirt] That shirt makes you look like a stick of Fruit Stripe gum.
God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch?
Okay, that one was out of the park.
Hey guys, I have news. Turns out Stacey doesn't even like me.
Yeah we kinda expected that.
Thought you said you had news.
Yeah here it comes; She likes Red. [Kelso, Hyde, and Donna laugh]
Donna
Oh my God!
Oh...You're gonna have to leave town!
Obviously we're gonna tell everyone!
Eric Tell me this, how'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl? Look at me I'm an attractive man. [the others look skeptical; to Donna] Well I got you.
Donna
Technically I got you. And then you blew it.
Hyde Which means you didn't lose it cause you never had it. See? There's your silver lining.
Donna
Eric you have a lot of good qualities. I mean you're funny, like... Well what just happened to you is funny. [the gang cracks up again]
That chick likes Red because he's a tough guy, a hard ass. You? You're soft.
DKDonna and Kelso
How soft is he Hyde?
Softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion. [Donna and Kelso are laughing harder] Yeah!
Because he plays piano! Wait. [Donna whispers in his ear] Oh! BURN!
[Jackie and Donna are not too pleased about Penny attracting much of the boys' attention]
Yeah, we'll show Penny with our new sunlamp tans. How dare she come into our town and try to out-hot us.
Donna
I know. I mean, we don't go to her town and try and out-whore her. Well, she can't just show up all hot, shaking her butt around our guys. If our guys are gonna fantasize about moisturizing anybody, it should be us.
Right. But we're not gonna let them do that, are we?
Donna
Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.
That '70s Show · 421 quotes
