Fellow sponge sufferers, the 431st "We Hate SpongeBob" club will now come to order. [bangs the gavel] And now, our motto.
PBPlankton, Bubble Bass, Mailman, Mrs. Puff, and Squidward
[raising one hand] We don't mean SpongeBob any harm. We just can't stand him.
Does anyone have any new sponge pain they would like to share? [The members stick their hands out, all talking over each other]
Mrs. PuffHow much time do you have?
MMailman
I have to unwrap my package of pain!
[Suddenly, SpongeBob is heard laughing]
Huh? [the members retract their hands as Squidward motions for them to stop] Hold that agony. [looks to his right to see SpongeBob at the window]
[grunts, pulls the window blinds down, then faces the group] Proceed.
Mrs. Puff
[wearing a punk outfit] Whaddaya know? Whaddaya say, gang?
CCustomer
It's Puff the Tuff!
DDoorman
P-P-P-P-Puff the Tuff!? [Mrs. Puff headbutts him and walks through the smoke cloud. She puffs up to get rid of the customers at the counter, and sits on a stool. Sally watches from behind the counter.]
Mrs. Puff
Gimme a tall glass of broken glass in a dirty glass. [Sally serves it. Mrs. Puff bites the glass and chews it. SpongeBob is heard laughing.]
Mrs. Puff
That laugh. No! It can't be him.
[holds up bomb with barbecue sauce] Who ordered the bomb-becue? [laughs]
Mrs. Puff
Hello, student drivers. I'm Mrs. Penelope Puff and, as per the court order, I will be your driving instructor in this educational film. By remembering these 138 simple rules of the road, every one of you will know all that you need to get your very own boating license.
[after crashing the boat into the brick wall] Even me?
Mrs. Puff
Ugh.
Hey there, ma'am. [raises sunglasses] Is this beach taken? [winks]
Mrs. Puff
Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. [sees Mr. Krabs has left] Eugene?
[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]
Take a look. [shows off muscles] These are called gains, people. [flexes butt] Yeah. [strains]
[with a bag of popcorn] Oh, my. I hope he isn't too hurt. [eats popcorn, chuckles]
[jumps down to Santa] Santa, talk to me, big fella. [grabs him]
SSanta
[groans, disoriented] Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny is here to see you. [points to Sandy]
Oh, that ain't good. Come on, Santa. Don't you know what day it is?
SSanta
Of course. [holds up a heart and flowers] Happy Valentine's Day! [kisses Sandy] Mwah. [falls over and groans]
That old elf is one sugarplum shy of a fruitcake.
Yeah, bro. How is Santa gonna deliver our presents now?
He's not. Sandy knocked him right out of the sky with her big dumb tree.
That's exactly why I don't trust trees. [SpongeBob puts his hand on his shoulder]
Mrs. Puff
But what's the point of having Christmas without any [screams] PRESENTS!?
You, like, totally ruined Christmas. [cries, running off and knocking people over]
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, y'all.
It'll be OK, Sandy. At least Santa's having a good time.
SSanta
[walking drunkenly] Hey, where are you goin'? The party's just gettin' started. [party horn toots, falls down] Whoa! [party horn toots]
[puts her hands on her face] Oh!
[wearing Mrs. Puff's hair] Hi, Mrs. Puff. I'm back.
Mrs. Puff
Oh, hello, SpongeBob. [takes her hair back] They kick you out of driving school already?
No, I graduated. [holds up the turnip]
Mrs. Puff
A Klopnodian driving license. You passed? How?
Guess I just needed a change of scenery. Allow me to show you my new Klopnodian licensed driving skills?
Mrs. Puff
Well, I have to say, I am curious.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
