Scenes with Squidward 300
Squidward[after being grabbed and throwed into the kitchen by the customers] SpongeBob, what did you do? The patties taste horrible! Everybody hates them! [Spongy Spongy growls and pulls out his wooden club] What the— [screams in panic and runs out of the kitchen] SpongeBob's gone crazy! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
SSSpongy Spongy
[grunts] Spongy! Spongy! [growls as he smashes the tables]
[The customers run out and scream in panic. Spongy Spongy whacks Nat Peterson's buttocks with his club and goes on a violent rampage across town, causing all sorts of damage in the process]
This is Perch Perkins live at the Krusty Krab, where we understand that a local fry cook has just gone nuts. [Spongy Spongy smashes the Krusty Krab sign with his club. The sign falls on top of the restaurant, causing damage to it. Perch Perkind gets whacked in the head with a club by Spongy Spongy] Ooh! This just in... Ow!
[peaks from behind a building and gasps] He's coming!
Squidward
It says here the first part of Krabs' exam is the pinch test. We just need to do it in a way he doesn't know he's being tested!
Way ahead of ya! [makes a charity box that offers free money with an empty cardboard box] We'll make him an offer he can't resist!
Squidward
[reading] "Free Money Inside." Ha. Not bad.
[The scene changes to the hippies resting in their new place that is warmer than the soup vat]
MGMoon Gills
You know what? That old man Krabs wasn't such a bad dude after all.
[The hippies hear a splashing sound above]
SSunshine
[giggles] Whoa!
CDCrystal Dave
Someone just crashed our new pad.
[Their new place turns out to be Squidward's bathtub where Squidward is about to take a nice, hot bath. The hippies pop out]
MGMoon Gills
Yo, bro, potato?
Squidward
Oh, thanks, man. [eats the potato and swallows it; he opens his eyes and screams] HIPPIES!!!
[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.
They done busted my dome!
OROld Ribeye
They wrecked me up!
Squidward
They got pictures of me naked!
No one wants to see your moles.
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!
[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it]
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.
[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion]
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.
[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone]
EEveryone
[shocked] Huh?!
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!
[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone"]
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]
[still won't come down from the roof of the Krusty Krab] I sure do miss my friends. Hey, maybe I can see them from up here. [looks out from the roof and sees his house, Squidward's house, and Patrick's house. Inside Squidward's house, Squidward is preparing himself dinner] Ooh, looks like Squidward has a date. Good for him. It can be so tough to put yourself out there. [He sees Squidward clink both glasses of wine and drink them both] Oh, no. Poor Squidward. He's all alone! [He gets an idea and lights up- literally] Ah! [pulls out a flashlight from one of his pores] Don't worry, friend. I'm here for you. [shines a light down at Squidward's house and makes a shadow puppet. The shadow puppet massages Squidward's head and back. The octopus enjoys the massage, his eyes closed]
Squidward
Hm? Oh! Oh, that feels good. [He opens his eyes] Huh? [His mouth drops open and he sees a giant shadow stretching across his ceiling. He dives across his table, clings to the wall and screams as though he'd seen a ghost]
Hmm, maybe he's hungry. [Squidward is standing with his hand on his head, wondering what that horrible sight he'd just seen was. SpongeBob's shadow puppet reappears, forces Squidward's mouth open and tries to feed him his dinner, but Squidward springs to the door and struggles to get it open] Come on, Squidward! Eat your... [There's a crack sound as SpongeBob's hand cramps up] Ow! Hand cramp! Hand cramp! [The shadow starts clumsily knocking things around and throws Squidward's dinner on top of him] Ow, ow, ow, ow! [His shadow puppet knocks over the table. Squidward runs to the window and struggles to open it. It won't budge so he pounds on it, yelling in distress. One of the shadow puppet fingers comes crashing down on Squidward's head by accident. The octopus' Moai house jumps about due to all of the commotion going on inside and soon its resident runs out screaming] Guess he wasn't hungry after all.
[The customers stomp their feet to the music. Outside, the rain starts wearing out the mud, and so the Krusty Krab begins to sink in. Meanwhile, Squidward is still sleeping, oblivious to the fact that the Krusty Krab is sinking in. Everyone upstairs still continues to dance as the original Krusty Krab sinks into the mud. Suddenly, the rain stopped and out comes a rainbow. Everyone comes outside happy]
Hooray! We're not on the roof anymore!
You know, after all that dancing and partying today, tomorrow's gonna feel like starting a new business!
And I'm looking forward to getting in on the ground floor with you!
[Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and the customers laugh]
Squidward
[wakes up from his nap and looks at his watch] Time to go home already? [jumps off his bed and heads to the door, but bumps into dirt] Ow. [screams as dirt floods the entire bottom floor of the original Krusty Krab, trapping him as the episode ends]
TITrash Inspector #1
[speaking through walkie-talkie] Come in, base. We found the trash flingers.
[The purple trash inspector grabs a mop and pokes Squidward]
Squidward
Ow. Ugh? Ugh. Ow.
TITrash Inspector #2
[picks up a blob of trash with a stick] Mm-hmm. [sniffs the trash and tastes it] Just as I thought. Trying to save money on trash bags.
I don't know what you're talking about, sir.
TITrash Inspector #1
You call us Trash Inspector, not sir! We didn't go to garbage school for nothing!
TITrash Inspectors
[show off their rings] Go Fighting Filthies!
Whatever you sir, inspector.
TITrash Inspector #2
What I say is... [puts on a soda can shaped judge wig] You have been found guilty of willful cheapskatery and flagrant trash flinging.
TITrash Inspector #1
Your sentence is to collect all the garbage in Bikini Bottom using that. [points to a baby] Uh... that one. [points to a garbage truck]
Whatever you say, inspectorers.
[The sea bunnies crawl into Squidward's house]
Squidward
[zips the door shut as sea bunnies crawl under the wallpaper. Squidward hides under the table and dials the shellphone] Hello, Animal Control? Save me! [The sea bunnies emerge from the wallpaper and from one of Squidward's paintings. More sea bunnies emerge from the cabinets while others emerge from the electric outlet. Squidward blubbers in panic as sea bunnies invade his house. One sea bunny emerges from his nose. His entire house is flooded with sea bunnies. Squidward escapes from the upper window of his house. He gets up and groans like an old man. He shakes the sea bunnies off him and growls in anger. He grabs a mallet from the shed and spits on his hand] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GAH! [hits his house with the mallet] That'll get them out.
[Squidward's house cracks and breaks into two halves. The sea bunnies form into his own house from underneath the wallpaper, much to Squidward's horror]
Sorry about your house, Squidward.
[Squidward is overwhelmed with what he did and whacked himself on the head with the mallet. His head opens and his brain flies out. Squidward goes mentally insane and grows bunny ears, whiskers, a pair of buckteeth, and a fluffy tail. He then begins to hop like a sea bunny]
Squidward
[laughs maniacally] I'm a bunny now! [laughs crazily] I'm a bunny now! I'm a bunny now!
ACAnimal Control Officer
Okay, Mr. Tentacles, easy does it. [puts a straitjacket on Squidward]
Squidward
[kicks the animal control officer in the face and runs away. The animal control officer gets up and goes after the mentally-crazed Squidward with the net; laughs maniacally] I'm a bunny now! [laughs crazily] I'm a bunny now!
[As the animal control officer chase after the crazy squid into the sunset, one sea bunny makes a face to look like Squidward. He mumbles like Squidward and plays "Shave and a Haircut" on the clarinet before closing the sea bunny window, ending the episode]
Squidward
SpongeBob, what have you done with my clarinet?
Ooh, Squidward, you're so hard-boiled. Are you playing a game? Oh, oh, can I play?
Squidward
I know you stole my clarinet! [slapping SpongeBob] Tell me where it is!?
[slapping himself] I don't know! [giggles] It couldn't have been me, Squidward. I have an alibi. I was at Grandma's house all day and I have the kissy marks to prove it. [points to the kissy marks on his head] See? There's room for one more.
[Squidward is grossed out and pushes SpongeBob away]
Squidward
[narrating] His alibi was solid. Only a family member could stomach putting their lips on this fool.
You know, we have lots of friends. Maybe they could help us find your clarinet.
Squidward
I don't have friends. I have suspects.
Oh, Squidward, don't you know a suspect is just a friend you haven't cleared of charges yet? [gets pushes down by Squidward] So... can I help you solve your case? Please, please, please?
Squidward
Try not to get in the way.
Yeah! It's a play-date! I mean... [changes into his detective clothes] All right, I'll partner up with you this time. [flips a coin and it disappears] Huh?
Squidward
Why would you wanna talk to him?
Who wouldn't want to talk to their pet?
Squidward
I was talking to Gary.
[Squidward has replaced SpongeBob's pet translator with a walkie talkie, and speaks into the receiver]
Squidward
[in his normal voice] Oh, PapaBob... [He realizes his mistake and clears his throat] No, no. [He clears his throat and speaks in a deep, Grumbles Grizzly-type voice] Oh, PapaBob... I'm thirsty.
[oblivious] At this hour? Alright... I'll get you some water.
Squidward
[looking through the window at a clarinet store] Hmm? Huh? [sees SpongeBob riding Coupe and playing instruments along the way]
Hi, Squidward! [blows a clarinet in Squidward's face]
Squidward
[bewildered] Oh, I need to erase this from my mind. [pulls his nose to open his head, takes out his brain, erases it clean with a pencil, and puts his brain back in, making him dumb] Duh! What's a SpongeBob?! [drools]
Squidward
What are you two dizzy dingbats doing out here?!
Just treasuring our time together, Squidward.
Squidward
Well, that time is over! Say good night, go to your separate houses, and be quiet!
[SpongeBob and Patrick whimper and cry]
[cries] I can't do it! I can't be away from my best friend!
[cries] No, it hurts too much! [he and Patrick continue to cry]
Squidward
Oh, will you two cut it out? [SpongeBob and Patrick stop crying]
Cut it out... Squidward, that's a great idea!
SPSquidward and Patrick
It is?
[SpongeBob takes out a pair of scissors, cuts off part of his head and forms it into a tiny version of himself]
Wow! My turn! [rips his head off and also forms it into a tiny version of himself]
[SpongeBob and Patrick hug each as the tiny versions of themselves hug and dance around]
Squidward
I think I'm gonna be sick! [gets sick and runs back into his house]
[gives Mini SpongeBob to Patrick] Here you go, Patrick. Now we never have to be apart, even when we're not together. [Patrick gives SpongeBob Mini Patrick]
This is great. See you forever, SpongeBob.
Yeah, see you forever, Patrick. [enters his house and yawns] Time for bed, Tiny Patrick.
[Mini Patrick jumps happily on SpongeBob's hands and hops on his head as SpongeBob goes upstairs. Bubble transition to SpongeBob washing his face with soap and water. Mini Patrick jumps off of SpongeBob's head and dives into the sink. He pops out of the suds and rides on the rubber duck like a cowboy. Bubble transition to Mini SpongeBob brushing Patrick's teeth. However, he shrivels up by the bad odor inside Patrick's mouth and falls into the sink]
[SpongeBob and Squidward sneak behind the Chum Bucket. Squidward goes to the front doors, but a meow sound startles him]
Squidward
Nyah! Whaa?
[appears in a cat costume] Sorry. [laughs] Stepped on my (cat) tail.
Squidward
What are you wearing?
I'm a cat burglar! [purrs and meows around Squidward and stops] Okay, I'll change. [rips off his cat costume]
Good morning, Krusty crew! Ready to cook up a new batch of Krabby Patties? Er... [sees SpongeBob and Squidward injured] Why are you two smoldering?!
Squidward
[covers SpongeBob's mouth] No, he's delirious! He doesn't know what he's saying.
[pushes Squidward away] No! Mr. Krabs deserves the truth. We accidentally threw away the Krabby Patty formula and Plankton found it!!! We tried to steal it back, but we failed!!!!! [sobs]
[gets raging and smoke steams out of his eyestalks] YOU DID WHAT!?!??!??!?! PLANKTON STOLE ME FORMULER!!!????!!?
Squidward
[he and SpongeBob nod their heads] That's what he said. Yeah.
[calmly] Then I'll just have to steal it back. [walks over to the Chum Bucket] Hmm. Uh-huh. [punches a hole through the wall and grabs the secret formula from inside] Oh. [kisses the bottle] Don't worry. Papa's here.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
