Scenes with Squidward 300
Positions everyone! [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows] Aww. Hey, little fella. [thinks the snail was harmless and friendly, but to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty]
SPSpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward
THE PATTY!
[The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty]
[Panics and runs around] Oh, what are we gonna do?!
Don't eat my patty! [grabs Squidward and throws him in the air]
[Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty]
Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!
SquidwardWhoopee.
Gee, why is Mr. Krabs too crabby today?
Squidward
Porbrably because it”s payday.
Paydays been parceled! Now hear this. I’m captain of this ship, Captain Krabs! As I say “No rip current could ever harm the Krusty Krab.”
Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.
Well, boy-yo, you believed in me. So, today will be a payday for you.
Squidward
What about me?
You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from payday to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! [laughs]
[The episode ends with Squidward and the customers pulling the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs sit on the roof]
HEY! Where do you think you're going, chum chewer? [grabs Squidward and holds him up.
[Patrick and SpongeBob are angry at Squidward for what he tried to do]
Squidward
Hey, come on! This is just a big misunderstanding! Ferry, fairy: They're two different words that just happen to sound alike!
[holds up a bucket of chum meat] Open wide, Squidward!
Squidward
NO!
[Squidward's teeth scream and they jump out of his mouth. Squidward's teeth go into the water and swim towards the Tooth Ferry, ending the episode]
Squidward
Oh, that house was too dangerous for you. [feels his head hurt] Ow. Besides, it was just a house, but this is a castle with a moat and everything.
It's a long way from Bikini Bottom.
Squidward
I know.
Squidward
I mean, don't worry about it. It's a short 11-hour commute to the Krusty Krab from here.
[The episode begins at nighttime. Squidward, who appears to be very tired, is getting ready to go to bed]
Squidward
Oh, why can't I get to sleep? Let's try it again. [sighs] Warm milk. [drinks milk] White noise machine. [turns on the noise machine and it blows bubbles out. He groans as he closes his eyes. His eyelids say "10 Grit" on them. Then he wakes up] Dim lights. [turns off lights and groans; sings] ♪ Sleep, little Squidward, catch some winks / Everything and everybody clearly stinks ♪ [shuts his eyes, curls up in his bed, and tries to go to sleep. Suddenly, a loud belch is heard and a startled Squidward screams and clings on the ceiling with his suction cups]
[At SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing while having a sleepover]
[chugs down a liter of soda and swallows it. His bottom begins to bubble up] Oh, yeah! Fizz Bomb Cola!
[SpongeBob's body bubbles up and he makes a really loud belch. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
Squidward
[yelling] Hey! Will you two psychopaths keep it down?!
Oh, hi, Squidward. How ya doing?
Squidward
Horrible! I haven't slept for three days!
[grabs Squidward's hand and shakes it] Hey, that's great!
Squidward
It is not great! [pulls back his hand] I've got an audition with the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic Orchestra tomorrow morning, and I'm a nervous wreck!
[appears behind Squidward] Why don't you try taking a walk? Works for me.
Squidward
You know, normally, I jump up and scream when you appear like that. But I'm so tired, I'm just gonna take your stupid advice. [walks away]
Squidward
:[wanders into the fray of the party with a plate of Krabby Patties and his bottom lip pulled straight up over his nose] Krabby Patty? Krabby Patty?
[A dirt-covered little boy runs up to Squidward and starts touching the patties]
K1Kid #1
Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Squidward
[His nose slips out from his bottom lip and he holds the plate away from the boy] You're contaminating the food! Just pick one. [He holds the plate out to the boy again, but the boy sneezes on him- and the plate of patties. The octopus looks in horror at the plate of Krabby Patties covered in snot. The boy takes a Krabby Patty and runs off, laughing. Squidward shakes himself off] I'VE BEEN INFECTED!!!! [More children come and munch on the infected Patties. Squidward retches, causing the children to scream]
Squidward
Who wants food? I'm a mindless drone with food, working for the man. [picks his teeth with a toothpick and then notices the band. There's even a clarinet player. He's so entranced that his eyes pop out onto the patties
Squidward
[stuffs the plate of patties into her mouth] Here you go, princess. [rubs his hands together, chuckling]
[The scene changes to Squidward walking home until he notices that everyone is lining up inside SpongeBob's house, which is now named, "SpongeBob's Place."]
Squidward
"SpongeBob's Place?" What in the ocean? [squeezes though some people] Pardon me. Don't mind me! [opens his front door] Just trying to get in my own front DOOR! [enters his house]
[Squidward takes his phone and calls the Health Inspector]
POPhone Operator
You've reached the Health Department. If you'd like to leave a message, wait for the cough.
[A person coughs through Squidward's phone]
Squidward
Everybody's a comedian. This is Squidward Tentacles, and I'd like to lodge a complaint about my neighbor SpongeBob.
Squidward
[from inside his house, to SpongeBob and Patrick] Higher! Higher!
Squidward
Higher!
Turn the volume up inside of your voice!
Huh? SpongeBob, what's going on?
Oh, hey— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other] Sandy. Patrick and I are— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again] in the middle of a sports game.
[Patrick jumps onto SpongeBob]
This sure don't look like any sport I've seen before. [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again]
I believe it's called kickboxing, or something? [Patrick falls down]
Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain. [SpongeBob hits Patrick]
Ow! Sure is. [gets hit again] Ooh!
Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?
We can't stop... [panting] Until we break our tie.
[The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths]
SSShark Son
It's the rule giver.
[The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, and Larry the Lobster carry Squidward, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the crowd cheers]
I ain't never heard of a rule giver.
Squidward
[flips his hood] I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
You're making up a game where SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!
Squidward
I'm just giving the people what they want.
That's pretty low, Squidward, even for you. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob and Patrick have had enough! [SpongeBob and Patrick appear brutally beaten up by Squidward's so-called games]
MMan
AAAAAAAAAUUURRGGHH!!!
Squidward
See? They're fine. Let the games resume. [Sandy grumbles and the audience cheers]
Oh, I don't think so. Y'all want to see a game? Fine. Squidward, I challenge you to a game—a game of basketball. Winner decides the fate of SpongeBob and Patrick. [throws basketballs in Squidward's face]
Squidward
Huh? [the crowd cheers] Me? Play sports? No, no. I'm mostly in an advisory position.
JGJimmy Gus
Aw, come on! We came to see some action! Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
CCrowd
Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
See you on the court, Your Highness. [shoves the crown down Squidward's face]
[Bubble transition to Squidward going to Rock Bottom on a bus.]
BDBus Driver
Last [raspberry] stop, [raspberry] Rock [raspberry] Bottom! [raspberry]
[Squidward exits the bus and two very creepy fish swim past him.]
Squidward
[reads bag] "237 Rock Bottom." Oh, there it is! Oh, remember, Squidward, real artists embrace the unknown. [goes down the ladder] Uh, is anyone here? [raspberry] I've got a delivery from the Krusty [raspberry] Krab! [creepy fish come up and blow raspberries at Squidward as he screams in fear]
[screams as he appears next to Squidward] What are we screaming about?
Squidward
MONSTERS!
Oh, they're not monsters, Squidward. They're my friends.
AFAngler Fish
What's [raspberry] up, [raspberry] SpongeBob? Ha. [raspberry]
[The angler fish and gang put on party hats and dance as they blow raspberries.]
Squidward
I'm an artist.
And I helped. [laughs as the episode ends]
[As Sandy is contacting Frenchy on her communicator, Squidward peeks out from beneath the rock. He watches as a fish eats a smaller fish, gets eaten by a bigger fish, and in turn that one gets eaten by a whale. He yells and pulls himself out]
Squidward
I'm going home to hide under the covers! It's every cephalopod for himself!
[He runs across the jellyfish fields, out into the light of Neptune's Moon. Sandy looks up from her communicator, sees Squidward blindly running into danger and gasps]
Frenchy, I gotta call you back!
[She runs after Squidward]
Squidward, you have to stay in the shade!
[Squidward trips up over his own feet and falls on his face with a crash. As he lies there, he hears a growl behind him. He turns over onto his back and sees a carnivorous purple fish swimming towards him to eat him. Terrified, Squidward crawls backwards a little, screaming]
Squidward
Help!
[Sandy rushes forward to try to save him]
Sandy [stretching out her arms]: Squidward, no!
[Squidward whimpers and feebly holds up a defensive arm as the fish growls and gains on him. Suddenly, as though it had detected him by radar, the light of Neptune's moon beams down on the frightened little octopus. He's bewildered by moon, but not entranced as before. He watches the light go, and looks down at himself, noticing that he has turned more green than usual. He promptly changes into a normal-sized, non-anthropomorphic octopus. Roaring, Squidward grabs the purple fish and eats it, before starting after Sandy.]
O.M. Jehosaphat! You don't see that every day!
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff fight each other again. However, now that Neptune's Moon is gone, they both revert themselves back into their regular forms. But unfortunately, the effects of Neptune's Moon also caused their respective clothing to dissolve into nothingness, thus leaving them naked]
KPMr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff
Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]
[Larry reverts back to his regular form as well. But he is also naked. He picks up a flower and uses it as a loincloth. Then he walks away. Pearl and Squidward continue fighting above Sandy's treedome. They both revert back to their regular forms. However, they're also naked as well. Pearl spits Squidward out from her mouth]
Squidward
What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]
[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!
[SpongeBob and Patrick revert back to the regular forms, but they're also naked as well]
[SpongeBob pulls himself off of Sandy's suit. Patrick giggles and falls off of Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob looks around and sees Sandy's treedome destroyed]
Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?
Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.
And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.
[The ground shakes. Neptune's Sun comes out of a volcano and shines its light on Sandy. The light then transforms Sandy into a realistic land squirrel. It appears that Neptune's Sun only effects land creatures while Neptune's Moon only effects sea creatures. Sandy chitters and crawls around inside her suit]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!
[They both laugh as Sandy chitters]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
