[with a bag of popcorn] Oh, my. I hope he isn't too hurt. [eats popcorn, chuckles]
[jumps down to Santa] Santa, talk to me, big fella. [grabs him]
SSanta
[groans, disoriented] Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny is here to see you. [points to Sandy]
Oh, that ain't good. Come on, Santa. Don't you know what day it is?
SSanta
Of course. [holds up a heart and flowers] Happy Valentine's Day! [kisses Sandy] Mwah. [falls over and groans]
That old elf is one sugarplum shy of a fruitcake.
Yeah, bro. How is Santa gonna deliver our presents now?
He's not. Sandy knocked him right out of the sky with her big dumb tree.
That's exactly why I don't trust trees. [SpongeBob puts his hand on his shoulder]
But what's the point of having Christmas without any [screams] PRESENTS!?
You, like, totally ruined Christmas. [cries, running off and knocking people over]
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, y'all.
SpongeBobIt'll be OK, Sandy. At least Santa's having a good time.
SSanta
[walking drunkenly] Hey, where are you goin'? The party's just gettin' started. [party horn toots, falls down] Whoa! [party horn toots]
[puts her hands on her face] Oh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick, with Space alien hats, start to Celebrate.]
[Squidward enters with a Space alien mask and a nightshirt]
SpongeBob
[Stammering] A r-r-r-real space alien! Greetings, sir.
[Laughs and takes off the mask] It's me, you tin - foiled twins! It Was all me! Space aliens don't exist! Get it?!
SpongeBob
Thank you, Squidward. [He and Patrick take off their hats] We can see know how silly we really were.
[Squidward sits down at a table to read a newspaper and accidentally rips it after hearing a honking noise.]
[crumples and tosses away his newspaper] Dad, can you keep your honking down?! [looks out his side window and gets shocked while discovering SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] Oh, no.
[Jeffy squeezing a rubber chicken in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, who started laughing and clapping]
JJeffy
If you like rubber chickens, you'll love this bicycle horn! [honks a bicycle horn, blowing on SpongeBob and Patrick's face and they laugh again] That's right, boys. I've got horns aplenty. Foghorns! [uses a foghorn in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blowing fog at them] French horns! [blows a French horn, which makes a French man noise and shoots a baguette into SpongeBob's face] Bull horns! [blows a horn to inflate an inflatable bull] Just $9.99 each. [the bull falls onto SpongeBob and Patrick] I take all major credit cards, but I promise [nudges SpongeBob with his elbow] I'd give them all back. [he, SpongeBob and Patrick laugh and Squidward walked angrily]
Please do not arm my annoying neighbors with even more annoying props! I'm begging you, father.
SpongeBob
[he and Patrick gasp in shock] Squidward, this is your dad?!
I thought Mr. Krabs was your dad!
No, Patrick, and I would appreciate it if you left my father and I alone. [tries bringing Jeffy along with him to leave]
JJeffy
Oh, come on, Squidward. Join in. It's just harmless fun.
SpongeBob
[now with a joy buzzer] Yeah, harmless fun. Put her there, Patrick.
[Patrick puts his hand out for SpongeBob and gets electrocuted, then puts out his hand again with a joy buzzer. SpongeBob puts out his hand and gets electrocuted. Lastly, they high-five and both get electrocuted and they laugh.]
JJeffy
[puts both of his tentacles out with joy buzzers] Here, let me help you two up. [SpongeBob and Patrick get electrocuted, then they all laugh]
[closes the bedroom curtains] Well, today was a wash. Guess I'll try again tomorrow. I just need to sleep for... [winds his alarm clock] 23 1/2 hours. [tries to go to sleep, but a fart sound comes out from a whoopee cushion below his bed]
[The episode starts with a pan to Bikini Bottom.]
Ah, the ocean. So bustling with aquatic life. So wet. [Sandy approaches from the distance] Ooh! Here comes one of the most elusive of sea creatures now: the squirrel.
[SpongeBob is blowing with the gum wrapper from "The Paper"]
Howdy, SpongeBob. Uh, could you give me some feedback on this scientific paper I'm writing?
SpongeBob
I loved to, Sandy.
The ocean is permitted with a multitude of aquatic life. From the amaties, hespect terrorist, to the astrodua and the perifera, though the differences are ostensible, there is a plethora of similarities. SpongeBob? Are you alright?
SpongeBob
[shivering] Your science paper... so cold. So d-d-didactic.
Gosh, you reckon it's too heavy on the technical side?
SpongeBob
Customers at the Chum Bucket? My eyes must be tired.
[Much later, SpongeBob goes to the optometrist to get some glasses. He walks out with his new glasses.]
SpongeBob
There. That looks better.
[POV of SpongeBob: He actually got glasses that really just blur up everything he sees.]
SpongeBob
Blurry, but in a reassuring way. Oh, wait till I tell Patrick, and Sandy what a strange morning I had. Ooh, there they are now.
[He looks across the street to see what he thinks are Patrick Star, and Sandy Cheeks sitting at a table chatting. Remember, the glasses SpongeBob got just blurs up everything he sees. SpongeBob calls out, and waves to them.]
SpongeBob
Patrick! Sandy!
[SpongeBob runs across the street to meet up with who he thinks are Patrick, and Sandy, but he makes boat cars crash into each other in the process. Some of them are even burning, or exploding.]
SpongeBob
Yoo-hoo! Hey! Sandy! Patrick!
[SpongeBob finally meets up to who he thinks are Sandy, and Patrick.]
SpongeBob
Boy, am I glad to see you guys. Mind if I have some of your fries, Patrick?
[SpongeBob takes some of the straws, mistaking them for fries, and eats them.]
SpongeBob
A little dry...
[After swallowing the straws, SpongeBob notices the flower in a vase.]
SpongeBob
Mind if I have a sip of your soda, Sandy?
[SpongeBob drinks what's inside the vase, and gets disgusted a bit.]
SpongeBob
Oh, that is off.
[He places the vase down on the table.]
SpongeBob
This day has been bonkers! Squidward was a squid, Mr. Krabs was blue, and the Krabby Patties were tacos! Oh, I'm just so glad to run into my best pals, Patrick, and Sandy.
PPreston
Who are Patrick, and Sandy?
[SpongeBob takes off his glasses. The two that he met up are not Patrick, and Sandy. They are actually Sammy, and Preston, both of them are paralleling Patrick, and Sandy.]
PPreston
I assure you, good sir, my name is Preston. I know not of this Patrick you speak of.
SSammy
Duh-huh. And me am Sammy. Am I be a squirrel folk!
[SpongeBob got extremely confused again]
SpongeBob
Everything is still all crazy! Ahhhhh!
[SpongeBob runs off, going crazy again.]
Harvesting my crops, ya-ta-ta-ta. [briefly takes off his hat; harvests peppers from a bush] Peppers look delish, ya-ta-ta-ta. [sees SpongeBob's nose in a bush, mistaken for a banana pepper] Banana pepper, too. Ya-ta-ta--ta! [pulls SpongeBob out from a bush and screams, squirting ink all over himself, leaving a stain on his shirt]
SpongeBob
[jumps out of the bush] Good morning, Squidward! Ya-ta-ta-ta!
[hits SpongeBob's hat off] Ya-ta-ta-ta my foot! You made me ink on my last clean shirt! [pulls on his shirt] Now I have to go to the laundromat. [walks away]
SpongeBob
[slowly gasps] The laundromat? [imagining dirty people in a thought bubble] Why, that's a magical place where all filth and grime is washed away, [lots of water splashes onto the people, cleaning them] making clothes spring fresh.
SpongeBob
[appears on the floor, exhausted from working as a cashier and as a frycook all at once; voiceover] I'm exhausted. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up back at the lunch rush. I've been on my break for five minutes and all I can think about is getting my next order.
[comes in] Why are you on the floor, lad?
SpongeBob
Sorry, Mr. Krabs. Just takin' a break.
Break?! Since when did you start takin' breaks?
SpongeBob
Since I started doing both my job and Squidward's at the same time.
Squidward didn't show up today?
SpongeBob
Squidward hasn't come to work in six months.
SpongeBob
[gets up] I just can't keep up the pace, Mr. Krabs. I'll go to his house to see if he's okay.
Whoa, there, laddie! You have two jobs to cover. You can go visit Squidward when you're off the clock.
[The episode begins at Sandy's treedome and it is the first day of spring. A robin flies up to the window, chirping happily.]
[sighs as she prepares some tea] Nothin' better than sweet tea in springtime. [hears a knock on her door] There's SpongeBob now! [heads out to go let SpongeBob in]
[Little does Sandy know, the leaves on her tree begin to whiter and fall off of the branches.]
[exits her treedome, but gets hit by a falling branch] Huh? [sees her treedome withering and screams] My tree!
SpongeBob
Hi, Sandy! I let myself in. Hope you don't mind. [sees Sandy completely frozen in shock] Why the long face? [she turns him around to show him her dying tree; screams] Your tree! What happened?
I have no idea! This old oak should be in full bloom right now! Not weepin' like a willow! [Her dying tree sheds a tear.]
SpongeBob
Well, don't you have some kind of atomic acorn ray or something?
That ain't a thing. [pulls out a huge laser] Here. Help me with my nuclear powered barkomatic zapotron. [she and SpongeBob zap the tree in order to revive it]
SSSpongeBob and Sandy
It's working! It's working!
[The barkomatic zapotron only ended up destroying the tree. SpongeBob and Sandy yell]
That just made it worse! Oh, what am I gonna do?
SpongeBob
I know someone who's great at gardening.
[The episode begins at the park with clams chirping in the sky, and SpongeBob is skipping along, meeting and greeting several critters along the way.]
SpongeBob
[skips around the park] Lalalalalalalalalalala! [stops and sniffs and sighs] What a beautiful day to say hello to all of my favorite little critters. Hello little worm! [grabs a worm and kisses it, winks and continues to skip] Lalalalalalalala! [stops in front of a snail] Hello little snail! [kisses it and has slime cover his face] Moisturizing! Lalalalalalalalalala! [continues to skip and stops in front of nematodes] Hello little nematodes! [kisses three of them, but one is jumping away from him, SpongeBob grabs him] Aww, don't be shy! [kisses him, transforming him into a guy]
GFGuy Fishman
Do you mind?
SpongeBob
Ah! You're not a nematode anymore? That means I must be magic! [waves his hands and runs around] I am magic! I am magic! I am magic!
GFGuy Fishman
Sorry pal, but you're not magic! You just happened to break an old witch's curse that turned me into a nematode. Get it!
SpongeBob
An old witch cursed you? That means, you must be a prince! [zooms into his eyes] I kissed a prince! [jumps on a bench] I kissed a prince! I kissed a- [stops when Guy Fishman approaches]
GFGuy Fishman
No, I am not a prince either! I am just an ordinary guy! Guy Fishman! [points]
SpongeBob
Oh! Well I am SpongeBob [shakes hands and sits down] So, if you're just some guy, then why did a witch curse you?
GFGuy Fishman
Allow me to expound: [flashes back on Reef theater] You see, long ago I made the mistake of taking the last seat at the movie theater. [Guy Fishman and Blobba Yaga come in with popcorns] Unfortunately, the old witch Blobba Yaga wanted the same seat. [the seat has a spotlight on it where Guy Fishman and Blobba Yaga stare at each other for the seat. Guy Fishman rushes and takes the seat.]
BYBlobba Yaga
[gets angry and pulls the curse] Take my seat and pay what's owed! Live thy life as nematode! Aah! [curses Guy Fishman to a nematode and sits on the seat]
SpongeBob
[flashes forward to present, SpongeBob whirls himself and laughs] Ripple Tickle!
GFGuy Fishman
[coughs, SpongeBob then silently sits] Your kiss must have broken the spell!
SpongeBob
Aha! Then, you're welcome! [points at Guy Fishman and tries to kiss]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
