FWFactory Worker
We're closed! Do I have to spell it out for you? C-S-L-O-S-Z-E-D. Cuh-losed! Not only that, but the very last box of Snail Bites shipped out days ago! They were such a hit they flew out of the stores and now, we've run out of ingredients! From what I hear, the owner even dropped out of the snail food business entirely! Yeah and why wouldn't he, huh? He's made his money!
SpongeBobYou see, Gary? There are no more--
FWFactory Worker
I mean, it's not like I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes!
SpongeBob
So, you see, Gary, there--
FWFactory Worker
Why would anybody go out punishing themselves, just for the sake of the happiness of a few pets or--
SpongeBob
Would you mind being quiet for one second, please!?
Hey, SpongeBob. Your snail's still meowing? I have experience with these situations. You're the sponge. He is the snail. You just have to say, "No," in a very firm voice!
SpongeBob
But... I don't want to say no to my wittle Gare-Bear! I want him to be happy.
Well, you gotta be firm, SpongeBob! Sometimes, you have to no when to say "know." Oh, wait... wait, wait, wait, it's the other way around. You've got to know when to say "no." Yeah, that's it!
SpongeBob
But I don't know how to say no, Patrick!
No problem, SpongeBob. You can practice on me! Pretend I'm Gary and tell me no. [pretends to be a dog]
SpongeBob
[Tries to say no but stops] I can't! You're so cute!
Do it, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob struggles again] Do it! [between struggles] DO IT! DO IT!! DO IT!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!! DO IT!!!!!!
SpongeBob
[finally says it] No.
STOP IT!!!!! [runs back to his rock crying]
SpongeBob
Oh, Gary, It's a photo! It's a framed photo of the moment I picked you up at the pound! I remember that day like it was yesterday. Oh, and a photo of the time you built me a castle made of glitter and lollipops! [sniffles] Gary, this is the most special -- [snaps out of it] OH...! Nice try, Gary!
SpongeBob
Gare-Bear, we looked everywhere! There are no more Snail Bites! I'm sorry, Gary, but the answer is....... No.
[Gary goes to bed and stops meowing all together, to SpongeBob's surprise]
SpongeBob
[sings as he walks through the city] Going to work, going to work, I'm going to work! I'm going to work, I'm going to work, [spins arms around] I'm going to work! [twirls] I'm going to work. I'm going to work, going to work, go-going to work. I'm crossing the street! [does so] Crossing the street! I'm crossing the street! Crossing the... [stops] Wha...? [hears Plankton sobbing] I'd recognize that sound anywhere! It's the sound of horrible, croaking sobbing! [runs over to a dark alley]
[tearfully] Oh, Neptune! Why, oh why?!
SpongeBob
Plankton?
No, please! I told you I'd get the money! Please, I- [stops suddenly and realizes SpongeBob is standing right behind him.] Oh, it's you.
SpongeBob
Plankton, what's got you so upset? I can hear you from three blocks away!
Oh, that. It's this doomsday device I invented. [holds up his doomsday device] It just doesn't do what it's supposed to do!
SpongeBob
Doomsday device? What's it supposed to do?
Well, it's supposed to upset the Earth's axis. Causing a chain reaction with typhoons, earthquakes, etc.
SpongeBob
So, what does it do instead?
It just sparks and falls apart.
Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?
MRMan Ray
I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]
SpongeBob
[he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.
MRMan Ray
At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]
Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]
MRMan Ray
[is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]
[he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!
MRMan Ray
[surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?
A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]
MRMan Ray
This wasn't supposed to happen...
[rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.
It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]
[It was night time at Le Chm Bucket with a huge line. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob enters the restaurant disguised as rich noblemen in tuxedos]
Oohh! Just act like another fancy customer.
SpongeBob
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob mouth]
Shh! [stammering] What's gotten into you? Highfalutin customers don't bark at the top of their lungs like a seadog.
SpongeBob
Oops, uh... I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do, Squire.
Good evening, Madam. Table for two, please?
I be Eugene....er.... I mean, uh, [looks at the used ketchup wrapper on the floor] Sir Krumple O'Wrapper. Uh, that's me name. Don't wear it out.
Alright, let's pull up your reservation. [looks through the reservation sheet] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm not showing any "O'Wrapper."
Reservation? In this sinkhole?!
There's a two-year wait for a table.
[walks over to Karen; annoyed] What's seems to be the problem? [much to his surprise, he notices Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on their mustache disguises and doesn't buy it] Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. It turns out that Squidward just wanted to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs for not valuing him and SpongeBob for all those times he annoyed him. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness and humiliation] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]
Yeah, see how you like it, Krabs! [laughs along with Squidward as Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob leave]
[Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans]
Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?
TGrandma Tentacles
[enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!
TGrandma Tentacles
Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]
Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]
[Plankton is seen exiting the kitchen with the plate of chum and hears what Squidward said about him, becomes furious. He throws the plate of chums in rage and pins the blame back on Squidward.]
What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!
[fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!
TGrandma Tentacles
The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.
[Listening to Grandma Tentacles, customers form a mob. The customers are enraged by what they're hearing to Grandma Tentacles.]
MFMale Fish
You fed us undercooked chum?!
TGrandma Tentacles
Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]
I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]
Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]
AMAngry Mob
[An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]
My restaurant! [begins crying]
My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]
TGrandma Tentacles
I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]
Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]
SpongeBob
[cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.
I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!
No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]
[Meanwhile, cut to SpongeBob putting mayonnaise in a box, then taping it up, then cut to Mr. Krabs putting down a clock as a bulldozer arrives.]
[sad] It's time. [goes outside on the street and waits for the truck to stop in front of him]
SState officer
[puts one of the bulldozer's windows down] So, who's getting bulldozed today?
[with the clipboard] Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness. I completed my petition. [Mr. Krabs is worried]
SState officer
The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. [Part of the bulldozer smokes fire out.]
But... but... [as he backs up, the bulldozer follows him, towards the Krusty Krab.; angry] No! I'm not going anywhere!
SState officer
Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It'll be quick and painless.
If you wanna bulldoze me restaurant, [locks himself up] it's gonna be long and painful!
SpongeBob
[is seen at the top of the restaurant, also locked up; angry] Stand your ground, Mr. Krabs! We are right behind you, right, Squidward? [the lock is empty] Squidward?
[Squidward is outside his home, with an umbrella on top of him, sitting on a chair, and drinking a cup of tea, happily.]
SState officer
[moves his bulldozer closer to the restaurant] Okay, now this is really your last chance.
[still angry] I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!
SState officer
Fine. Have it your way. [pushes a lever]
[chuckles evilly, while setting up himself a movie theater seat, then sits on it] Bring it on! Bring the destruction! [munches on popcorn]
[part of the bulldozer smokes more fire out, and the bulldozer starts to move even closer to the restaurant.; sad] Goodbye, Krusty Krab! [As he closes his eyes, the bulldozer begins to push into the restaurant, but only moves it 1 foot then stops; confused] Eh?
SState officer
Thank you for your cooperation.
[spits the popcorn out, angry] What?! Excuse me, sir, but, uh... [stands on the seat] you forgot to level the place!
SState officer
Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply ensure that restaurants comply with the 100 foot ordinance. [measures the distance with a tape measure and says the 1 foot on it] That's 1 more foot. Perfect! [walks away from the restaurant]
[jumping on the seat, still angry] But that's not fair! [slips inside and the seat closes on him]
SpongeBob
So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob
[jumps inside the bulldozer, hugging the state officer] Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [as the state officer accidentally pulls the lever, the truck goes backwards. He and SpongeBob look out the window and are in shock as they are heading towards the Chum Bucket] Oh, dear. [the bulldozer crashes through the Chum Bucket, destroying it]
[Meanwhile, he's free from the seat after struggling to.; still angry] Come on! Let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! [as he gasps, he finally sees the destroyed Chum Bucket] I think I've seen enough. [goes back inside the seat as the episode ends]
[The camera zooms in on Bikini Bottom and into a pineapple house. A stop-motion SpongeBob and a stop-motion Gary are sleeping. An alarm clock goes off and sleigh bells are heard instead of the foghorn noise. He wakes up.]
SSSpongeBob SquarePants
♪Oh, it's drawing very near. My favorite time of the year. [He jumps out of bed and up the ladder] The snow is falling and the cold wind blows. [He gets up on the diving board, and jumps on it] Christmas is almost here. [He jumps up, automatically removing his pajamas and changing into his square pants] And I know that Santa, Santa. Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! [He spins Christmas lights around his pineapple] It keeps me warm and filled with glee to know Santa has his eyes on me. I light my house like a Christmas tree. Fa la la la la la la la lee. 'cause Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little... [A Santa hat pops out of SpongeBob's head] Eyes on me.♪
[He walks over to a house where a stop-motion Squidward is putting up lights]
SpongeBob
Hi, Squidward. What are you doing today?
SJSquidward J. Q. Tentacles
Stringing lights so Santa knows, in no uncertain terms... [turns on lights reading "GO AWAY"] ...To "GO AWAY"!
SpongeBob
Okayy...[Skips up to a stop-motion Patrick next to a box on a stick tied with string to a cookie] ♪Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me. He sees everything I do, with his left eye on me and his right eye on you!♪ [sees the box] Ooh, what's that?
PSPatrick Star
It's a trap! A trap for Santa!
SpongeBob
Ooh, baited with Christmas treats?
[singing, to the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" tune] I will trap Santa in my box, locked up like Fort Knox and make him stop the clocks, and then we'll have Christmas all... year... looo-ooo-ong! [sees the cookie meant as bait] Hey, a cookie! [gets trapped by himself, anyway, as a result]
[SpongeBob skips to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob
♪Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me.♪ Hi, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready for Christmas?
Why, Christmas is me favorite time of the year! After all, 'tis the season of gettin'!
SpongeBob
Don't you mean the season of giving?
Exactly! The more you give, the more I get. [Laughs]
SJSheldon J. Plankton
♪Oh, Santa, Santa, Santa has his eye on me. He's seen everything I've done. Every plot, plan, and scheme. It's just a bit of fun. Santa has his eye on me. Every naughty deed is written in his scroll. So every Christmas morning, I get a stocking full of coal!♪ [Dumps out coal from his stocking]
KPKaren Plankton
Maybe you'd get a real present from Santa if you weren't the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom.
I'm way ahead of you, Karen! [Periodic Table lowers from ceiling. Plankton walks over to it and sticks a piece of notepad paper on it. The paper says Jt for Jerktonium] There is one element in the known universe that can turn even the nicest sap into the biggest jerk they can be! And I, Plankton have discovered it. Behold! [Plankton pulls a lever] Jerktonium! [A piece of Jerktonium contained in a glass capsule lowers from the ceiling] I'll give everyone in Bikini Bottom a present of the most innocent of all holiday goodies. The fruitcake! [picture of a fruitcake appears on screen while he says the fruitcake] And each and every slice will be laced with Jerktonium! Once ingested, no one can help becoming the biggest, creepiest, meanest jerk ever! Then Santa will realize that Sheldon J. Plankton isn't so bad after all! And then I'll finally get what I really want for Christmas, the Krabby Patty secret formula! [Plankton jumps on an oven and holds the fruitcake] And now for the main ingredient, Jerktonium! Okay, Jerktonium, do your stuff! It's complete! [Laughs] Ha ha! The Jerkmaker 9000 will make doling out tainted fruitcake a breeze! Now, who's gonna be my first victim?
SpongeBob
Hey, Plankton! What've you got there? [Gasps] Hey! Is that a fruitcake dispenser? You don't suppose I could have a piece, do ya?
SpongeBob
Ahoy, everybody! [clicks his fingers and mistletoe appears over the heads of the two fish he fed Plankton's fruitcake to, curing them of jerktonium poisoning. He clicks again and a pile of presents appears, curing two other fish. A little boy begins to play Christmas baubles like bells] [singing] Bring joy to the world, it's the thing to do, but the world does not revolve around you.
Don't be a jerk.
It's Christmas! [Throws a snowball at Mr Krabs and cures him]
Be nice to babies and animals.
Old folks, too.
'Cause that's how you'd like them to treat you!
Use turn signals.
Don't screen my calls.
Don't you wreck the house when you deck the halls.
Spit your gum where it won't wind up on my shoe.
Squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.
Don't be a jerk.
It's Christmas! It's Christmas! [hands a gift to Pearl, who continues to pass it down a line, curing people as they receive it, except for Squidward, who is unaffected]
When others are talking, never interrupt.
Don't put people down or leave the toilet seat up.
'Tis the season to be jolly, not jerky!
SSSpongeBob's Friends and Co.
[in background chorus' voices] Jolly, not jerky!
SpongeBob
Santa brought nearly every gift on your list.
Why whine about the 1 that he missed?
Don't be a jerk!
SSSpongeBob's Friends and Co.
[in background chorus' voices] Don't be a jerk.
SpongeBob
It's Christmas! It's Christmas!
Don't be a jerk.
SSSpongeBob's Friends and Co.
[in background chorus' voices] Don't be a jerk.
SpongeBob
It's Christmas! It's Christmas!
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
