Hey, SpongeBob, what's with all the ruckus?
SpongeBobTake a look for yourself, Patrick.
[Patrick sees the picture of DoodleBob on the wall and gasps]
SpongeBob
No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
SpongeBob
Exactly! See how happy he is?
He still looks kind of creepy.
SpongeBob
[on a diving board with the pencil] Oh, great Magic Pencil, your powers are too mighty for us ocean dwellers. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready, Patrick?
[SpongeBob drops the pencil into Patrick's mouth. SpongeBob jumps from the diving board and onto Patrick's belly, launching the pencil out of his mouth and back up to the surface. In the real world, the artist from earlier is curled up in a fetal position]
We rejoin the artist in a creative slump.
AArtist
[the pencil reaches the surface and lands on him] Huh, what's... what's this? [jumps up and holds his pencil in joy] My pencil! [tries to draw, but unfortunately, the pencil lead breaks]
The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.
AArtist
[starts to cry] No!
[The episode begins at night at the Krusty Krab. It's closing time.]
Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
[switches the "Open" sign to "Closed"] Now! 8 o'clock! [takes off his Krusty Krab uniform hat] So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is [pulls out his clarinet] Clarinet. [Tom shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Squidward to drop his clarinet] What?
[points to the sign] Read the sign.
[ignores him] I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!
Well, fine, if you don't want my money!
Money?! [Mr. Krabs falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
[pulls out cash; Incidental 49, Incidental 30, and Incidental 85 appear behind him] Sure.
Mr. Squidward, [tears up the "Closed" sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, [he puts a spare Krusty Krab uniform hat on Squidward's head] the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day.
[gets up] What?! [crowd of fish barge in cheering and tramples Squidward]
SpongeBob
[gasps] Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
[gets up again] Mr. Krabs.
See ya in the mornin', boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]
SpongeBob
Isn't this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working. It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!
SpongeBob
Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
[hands a customer a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
SpongeBob
Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... [laughs] at night.
[takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.
SpongeBob
[cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen] Hey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill] Ow! I burned my hand! At night. [cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-night-na-night! NIGHT!
WILL YOU PLEASE?! [hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage] Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash.
RRichard
Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up spatula] I called here earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
SpongeBob
Do you have references?
When was you on the phone, and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights?
SSSquidward, SpongeBob, and Richard
[they look at Nosferatu] Nosferatu! [Nosferatu smiles, and the lights go off while ending the episode]
SpongeBob
Hey, that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff? [disappointed] Aww, she's married...
SpongeBob
Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
Then, what happened to Mr. Puff?
[cut to a live-action shot of a pufferfish, being used as a lamp]
SpongeBob
She doesn't like to talk about it.
SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught ya. I want ya to buy Mrs. Puff--
SpongeBob
[holds up his arms] Wait! Don't tell me! You want me to run down to the store, and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to RUN back here, [flails his legs back and forth] so you can say, [pulls his eyes through the top of his head so they look like Krabs' eyes and mimics Krabs' voice] "Arrgh, SpongeBob, you're spending' all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs! I'm only doing WHAT YOU SAID!" Then you'll say, "We're not talkin' about this [draws a triangle with dashed lines in the air with his finger], or THIS [draws a square with dashed lines], we're talkin' about THIIIIIIIS!" [draws a ton of directionless squiggly lines; pants]
But, lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this!
[surrounded by all the nice gifts Krabs had SpongeBob buy her] Are we... going to the park soon?
Please, lad, I'm beggin' ya! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]
SpongeBob
Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Okay, I, I'm gonna get it, see? [Walks off-screen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, Here's that washing machine you wanted.
Cheer up? How can I cheer up... when you're spendin' all me hard-earned cash?!
SpongeBob
See? You just did it again!
Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money! [SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
SpongeBob
[stoically] Well, Mr. Krabs, do you wanna know what I think? [cut to Mrs. Puff] ARRGH...!! REGGA FLEBBA BREEKA BRECKA SMULLEN-ELLEN MR. KRABS!!! YEGGA HEGGA MERGIN WALLET!!! DIMMY MIDDY SPEND!!! RIVY FLIVY DIVA SHIVA MR. KRABS’ WALLET!!!!!
[Mrs. Puff reads what he said in a dictionary; SpongeBob marches past her grumbling in anger as Mr. Krabs is left smack-jawed.]
I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too Mr. Krabs. [she kicks off her shoes] I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. [she removes her hat and coat] I'd rather go Dutch...if you don't mind. [She pulls out her wallet and gives Mr. Krabs some money]
You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs.
[She kisses his left eye and both eyes form the shape of a heart as the episode ends].
[SpongeBob's clock spins, breaks and comes to life]
CClock
[ghostly voice] Time's up, SpongeBob...
[SpongeBob gasps and shrieks as the flame of the candle comes to life. The fire wick walks up to the essay and picks it up]
FWFire wick
Only 799 words to go... [burns the paper and laughs sinisterly]
SpongeBob
No! [the fire wick sets his house on fire. He screams] What have I done?! [runs around the house, yelling] Help! Help! My house is on fire! [continues running around his burning house until it comes to life]
SSSpongeBob's house
SpongeBob, why?! Why did you set me on fire, SpongeBob?! Why don't you just write your essay?! [wailing] STOP WASTING TIME!!!
[The scene suddenly changes back to SpongeBob's desk, revealing he fell asleep and had an episode-long nightmare before waking up with a start, pencil and paper stuck to his face.]
SpongeBob
Huh?! [gets his pencil off] Where's my essay? [sees it on his forehead] Oh, there you are. Hahaha...I must've dozed off!
But don't they watch television?
SpongeBob
I'm only pretending to be dumb. It was our plan, remember?
[puts on the helmet] And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya.
[puts his left thumb up] It wasn't easy, Dad.
MMarty
Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son.
SpongeBob
[speaks into microphone] Attention, customers, today's special is a [dolphin chirp] Krabby Patty served in a greasy [dolphin chirp] sauce and grilled to [dolphin chirp] perfection. [One customer drops his patty. Another is so shocked even the food he's chewing freezes midair. A mother octopus covers her laughing children's ears] And don't forget to ask us to [dolphin chirp] the [dolphin chirp] fries. It will be our [dolphin chirp] pleasure. [a giant human ear pops out of Squidward's head; he pushes it back in] Hi, Squidward, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?
Nice [dolphin chirp] day we're having, isn't it, Squidward?
Huh? The Krusty Krab, she's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?
Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.
Well, what was it? What did he say?
Uh, he said, uh, well, he said... [whispers the word]
Huh? [Squidward whispers the word again; gasps and enraged] SPONGEBOB AND FRIEND! FRONT AND CENTER! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language?!
SpongeBob
But, Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.
There ain't nothin' fancy 'bout that word!
SpongeBob
You mean [dolphin chirp]?
Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a BAD word!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
BAD WORD?! [both regretfully wipe their tongues]
Yes, siree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
Don't you mean there are only 7?
Not if you're a sailor. [laughs]
SpongeBob
Wow, 13.
That's a lot of [dolphin chirp] bad words.
Okay, boys, I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
We promise.
[returns with a ladder and several paint cans] All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for foulin' the air in me restaurant with your foul words, you're gonna give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint from top to bottom. [jams his foot into a rock then hops on one leg, he screams as dropping everything] OH, MY [dolphin chirp] FOOT! WHAT [dolphin chirps] GENIUS PUT A [dolphin chirp] ROCK IN A [dolphin chirp] PATH?! CAN'T YOU SEE I GOT A [boat horn] FOOT HERE?! OH, [seal bark]!
[Mr. Krabs continues saying a bunch of swear words while SpongeBob and Patrick count the swear words he used]
SpongeBob
Five, six, seven...
AND A WHOLE LOT OF [boat horn], WITH A SIDE OF [dolphin chirp], AND A HEAPING HELPING OF [boat horn], AND A BOATLOAD OF [boat horn]!
AW, [seal bark and seagull squawk] GRABBIN'... [SpongeBob's alarm clock blares and he then cries in pain]
SpongeBob
[cuts to his 13 fingers] That's all 13, Patrick! [gasps] We're gonna tell your MOM, Mr. Krabs!
No! Please! Not my mommy!
Now repeat after me. I have no talent.
SpongeBob
I have no talent.
Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
SpongeBob
Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent will rub off on me.
SpongeBob
If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.
[Pause]
[unenthusiastically] Whatever.
SpongeBob
But sir, how many jellyfish do you need?
SpongeBob, we have a whole ego system for the hungry paying customers. Oh no! Don't tell me. [gasping] YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!
SpongeBob
AAAH! NO, NEVER!
Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!
SpongeBob
Okay, Mr. Krabs. Just make sure the jellyfish are comfortable. They are O’so sensitive.
Oh, I’ll keep them comfortable, alright, inside me wallet.
More, SpongeBob! What don't you understand about "More"!? [multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes] MORE! MORE! More! More! More. More! More! [grimaces and demands more] More, more, more, more, more! MORE!!
[Cut to night. A sign reading "Jellyfish Fields: Population 0" is seen.]
SpongeBob
Well, there's no more! Now, that's jellyfishing!
[No Name follows SpongeBob.]
You'll never catch me! [He tries to pedal away as he laughs madly] What? [Looks down to see the exercycle is bolted to the floor.] Blasted exercise craze.
SpongeBob
Goodbye, friends!
[walks out of the factory and is incredibly burned with black smoke and weakly voice] I'm taking jelly off the menu. [leaves]
D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.
SpongeBob
Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! [Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise] Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.
Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!
SpongeBob
[gasps] You take that back! [a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]
[mocking] Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!
SpongeBob
You don't even have fingernails!
I cannot believe what I am hearing!
SpongeBob
How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!
SpongeBob
Conehead!
SpongeBob
Pink!
[The Deep fry pole vault.]
Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob
For the krusty krab!
[flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]
Win this one because I told you to.
Because you told me to! [flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]
Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
