[walks up to Shelley's room after telling Stan to get off the Internet and go to bed] Shelley, off the Internet. It's bedtime.
Mom, I'm i-chatting with my boyfriend in Montana!
Now, Shelley. [closes the door]
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!
“Over Logging” · Season 12, Episode 6
In this episode: Randy Marsh (4), Gerald Broflovski (3), Stan Marsh (2), Sharon Marsh (2), Stephen Stotch (2), Shelley (2), Kyle Broflovski (1), Mr. Garrison (1)
[Next morning… Stan gets out of bed after his alarm clock goes off, but as he gets on his computer, he finds out he's not connected to the Internet]
What the hell?
[entering] Stan! Stan, I gotta use your computer!
What?
My Internet's not working, I gotta use yours. And give Daddy some private time, will ya?
My Internet's not working either.
What?!
[entering with her laptop] Dad, the Internet's not working!
I know that, okay?!
I have to get online with my darling, Amir, before school starts!
[walking up] Randy, I can't get my e-mail to open.
[showing up at the Broflovski residence with his family; desperately] Gerald, please help us!
Randy, what happened?
Our house… it has no Internet!
[horrified] Oh, my God.
[shaking Gerald, violently] YOUR INTERNET'S NOT WORKING, GERALD! FACE IT!
I have to get online before school.
What about Starbucks? They have free Internet.
Right, Starbucks!
Everyone, get your stuff. We can take my car.
[The Marshes and the Broflovskis exit the house and head to Gerald's car]
Hey, is your guys' Internet working?
No! Nobody's is!
[exiting his house, holding up his laptop] WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
Jesus, everyone's gotta go to Starbucks now!
Everyone, in the car. We have to beat them there!
How can there be no Internet anywhere? What's going on?!
Anybody got a Blackberry? Check Drudge Report.
Good idea! [takes out his cellphone] No wait, we can't check Drudge Report! There's no Internet!
There has to be a way to find out what's going on.
We can't! Don't you get it?! There's no Internet to find out why there's no Internet!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.