Fiona Gallagher quotes from Shameless

Fiona

Any chance he'll get scared straight?

Veronica

He'll end up running the joint.

Sean

You know, what I fantasize about is my PO in pain, his family in pain. Doing to him what he's doing to me. And all it would take to make everything I'm feeling go away is one visit to a street corner. Bobby, Kilpatrick and Maypole. Needle, spoon, little bag of dope. 'Cause if I move, that's where I'm going. So I'm not gonna move. I'm gonna try like hell not to move.

Fiona

If we're gonna sit out here, you need this.

Fiona

Meanwhile, I'm fantasizing about setting Sammi's fucking clothes on fire while she's wearing them...

Sean

...Sarah closes out your tables, I pull glass from your hand, you refrain from setting people on fire...

Debbie

Liam. Plate. Sink.

Fiona

There's a Russian prostitute in my kitchen talking diaper genies and infant diarrhea with my husband. So are you and Kev...

Veronica

Giving it another try.

Fiona

That's great.

Veronica

Yeah.

Veronica

Is that a hickey?

Debbie

Yeah.

Fiona

What?

Veronica

Are those teeth marks? Tell that boy no teeth. Just lip and suction.

Didn't you have the talk?

Fiona

"The talk"?

Veronica

Birds and bees. His thing, her thing.

Fiona

She's on the pill.

Veronica

The pill at 13?

Fiona

14, she's almost 15.

Veronica

Really? Well, I guess she should. I started at 11.

Fiona

11?

Veronica

Yeah. Developed early. Boys started sniffing around when I was 10, grown men by the time I was 11. Mama had to beat 'em off with a claw hammer. The deacons at the church were the worst. Nothing but hands.

Sean

[On the phone] Hey. Yeah. You wanted-- Uh, honestly? Yeah, I'm sick of this shit. Yeah. I know. You know what it feels like to me? Like the same thing, like I-I'm just hearing you say the same thing over and over again, so... I- I- I don't need-- Yeah, okay. Yeah, let-- yes. Bye. [Under breath] Jesus Christ.

Fiona

How you doing?

Sean

Fine.

Fiona

Who were you talking to? You want to talk about it? We could grab a cup of coffee.

Sean

And why would I want to do that?

Fiona

'Cause we're friends. Figured you might need someone to talk to.

Sean

We're not friends.

Fiona

Of course we are. [Scoffs and turns around and walks away]

Debbie

What are you doing coming into my room without knocking?

Fiona

I knocked.

Debbie

We weren't doing anything.

Fiona

Well, why is Derek in his underwear?

Debbie

He's spending the night.

Fiona

No, he is not.

Debbie

Yes, he is.

Derek

Uh, no, I'm not.

Debbie

What do you mean?

Derek

My dad would kill me, okay? I'll see you at school tomorrow. Sorry, Miss Gallagher. Don't embarrass me like that.

Fiona

Embarrass you? Hey.

Fiona

You can't have a boy in your bed!

Debbie

Why not? You do!

Fiona

I am a grownup.

Debbie

I'm pregnant!

Fiona

No you're not. No you're not.

Debbie

I love him!

Fiona

No, you don't.

Debbie

We're gonna get married.

Fiona

No, you're not.

Debbie

Derek's mom got pregnant when she was six months older than me, and they've been together 20 years.

Fiona

What are you talking about?!

Debbie

I love him, and we're gonna get married, and we're gonna have a lot of babies, and we're gonna be happy!

Fiona

Oh, for fuck's sake, Deb!

Debbie

Why won't you ever let me be happy?!

Fiona

Ian's off his meds. He ran away with our batshit-crazy mother. Carl's doing time in juvie, and now Deb wants to be a contestant on "Teenage Mom."

Is she really pregnant?

Fiona

Could I possibly be doing a worse job of raising these kids?

Liam isn't smoking crack.

Fiona

Thanks for coming over, I'm just having a complete meltdown

Fiona

You can stay here.

Uh, your bed sucks.

Fiona

Never had any complaints.

You probably shouldn't be reminding your husband of how many men have tried out your mattress.

Debbie

I'm not a kid!

Fiona

Yes, you are.

Debbie

It's my body, my decision.

Fiona

You're just a kid if you're willing to make a decision that could ruin the rest of your life with a boy you barely know.

Debbie

You married a guy you barely even know!

Fiona

Do you even love him?

Debbie

Oh, or do you still love Jimmy or maybe Sean or some other cute guy you run into on the street?

Fiona

Okay, okay. Hey. Don't do this. Please. Don't have a baby. It's a mistake.

Debbie

I know who I love, and I know what I want... even if you don't.

Sean

You're not on the schedule today.

Fiona

What's going on with us?

Sean

Well, you're married.

Fiona

So?

Sean

So, you're married.

Fiona

I think I'm in love with you. And I'm pretty sure you're in love with me too.

Sean

Pretty sure, huh?

Fiona

Or could be.

Sean

Gus seems like a good guy.

Fiona

Something is going on with us. We both know it.

Sean

Well, I don't want to be that shithead who's sleeping with some nice guy's wife, okay? I've been that guy, hiding in a closet.

Fiona

What if Gus and I split up?

Sean

Well, don't do it 'cause of me. [Staff knocking at door] That's the staff. I got to let 'em in. [He opens door] Hey. Come on in. It's 7:00. I got to open.

Fiona

You make me happy. I'm happy when I'm around you.

Sean

Happy... is overrated. Grow up, Fiona.

Mickey

Holy shit.

Ian

Is that Sammi?

Sammi

Mickey.

Mickey

She's got a fucking gun!

Fiona

Do you think I'm a good person?

Fiona

Was that a gunshot?

Mickey

Fuck you!

Sammi

Oh, you're gonna get fucked!

Fiona

Is that Sammi?

Sammi

You tried to fucking kill me!

Mickey

Fuck you!

Sammi

Fuck you, too!

Mickey

Fuck you and your weird-ass kid!

Sammi

Oh, you're gonna get fucked, you little bitch!

Fiona

What the hell is going on?

Mickey

You shoot like a bitch!

Ian

Hi.

Fiona

Hi. What is going on?

Ian

I'm not sure. Mickey tried to kill Sammi. Sammi's trying to kill Mickey, and something about her being in a box for a week.

Fiona

When did you get back?

Ian

Couple minutes ago.

Fiona

How's Monica?

Ian

Living with a teenage meth dealer.

Fiona

Sounds like Monica.

Veronica

That can't be good.

Fiona

Meds?

Ian

Yes, Mom.

Fiona

I'm not your mother. I'm just concerned. Did you take them? [Closes fridge door to be startled by Frank and gasps] Fuck, Frank.

Frank

I love you. I... I just want you to know I'm... I love you. I ever tell you about the time I caught an octopus on the reef outside of our hut and Bianca cooked it on an open fire right on the beach?

Fiona

Yes.

Sean

Yes.

Frank

And the funny little sneeze she would do when she was asleep? [They all imitate Bianca's sneeze] Debs, I love you.

Debbie

Jesus.

Frank

I just... I want you to know that.

Debbie

Go away, Frank.

Frank

I... I want to light a candle for Bianca at the foot of the blessed.

Fiona

No.

Frank

I hope someday you two have the precious gift of feeling what I felt for that beautiful young woman... [sobs]... and then to have that love stolen cruelly from you by a pitiless God, and then maybe, just maybe, you'll remember this day and your father's anguish and you'll be ashamed of the lack of compassion you showed him in his time of need. I love you, my little brown banana.

Fiona

I don't know how much more of that I can take before I stab him in the neck with a broken beer bottle. What are you smiling about?

Debbie

I'm happy. Can't I be happy?

Fiona

No, not about this. There's absolutely no reason to be happy about this.

Fiona

[Debbie goes to waiting room] You're not pregnant?

Debbie

I'm not. [Sighs]

Fiona

Are you okay? It's for the best, Debs. Come on, let's get jelly doughnuts before I drop you off at school.

Sean

It's too early for thinking.

Fiona

Debbie's got to get an abortion. Been hashing over this all night.

Sean

You need a break.

Fiona

How could I have let this happen to her?

Sean

You didn't. Whenever a girl gets pregnant, the first thing people think is bad parenting. Uh, you're an excellent sister/parent.

Fiona

I should have made her go on the pill.

Sean

Do you want to, maybe, uh... do your taxes while we're at it? [Takes off Fiona's underwear]

Fiona

Sorry. I'm not really in the mood.

Sean

Hmm. Seems like you are to me.

Fiona

If she has this baby, she's gonna be like every other sad ass girl in this f*cking neighb- [Seans puts hand over Fiona's mouth]

Sean

Okay. You know, you got to shut up for a few minutes. You need a stress reliever and I only have 12 minutes before my meeting. So this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna shut off your brain. And you're gonna... breathe into your body.

Fiona

[Muffled] I can't breathe. Your hand is on my--

Sean

Yeah, I said shut up. Breathe through your nose. [Moans] You feel me inside of you?

Fiona

Yeah.

Sean

Relax. Close your eyes. Yeah, let me do all the work. [Grunts] Now just let go, and give yourself over to me. [Moans] That's it. Do it. Good girl. [Moans] Now I got to blue ball it over to my meeting before work. I'm gonna rally this family to make Debbie do it. Well, take it easy on her. You know how it is. You tell a teenager what to do, they always do the opposite.

Frank

Jesus! Fuck. Shit. Gallagher rain. [Chuckles and speaks Spanish] Even the my daughter's vomit can't dampen the flavor of these empanadas.

Fiona

Frank, what the hell is going on?!

Frank

This Jorge Mendoza and his clan. Got evicted. Bank sold it right out from under them, and the Mendozas came home yesterday to find all their stuff on the street.

Fiona

And how is this our problem?

Frank

The loss of our unique community? Generations of the American melting pot getting kicked out of their homes. Gentrification is everyone's problem, Fiona.

Fiona

Frank, what are they doing in our yard?

Frank

I rented it to them. The shed, the van, under the porch, this grassy area. And, oh, my God, can they cook.