Um... good news and bad news.
FrankOkay, good?
I sent Chuckie to the neighbor's so we can be alone tonight.
Frank
Great. Uh, what's the bad?
Frank
What?
The transplant lady said my white blood cells attacked yours.
Frank
Why the fuck did they do that?
Oh, I don't know. I'm so sorry.
Frank
Sorry? What the hell does...? Good does that do me? I need a liver, not a goddamn apology.
Frank
Do you know what I've been through? I shattered my leg in six places. I stopped drinking.
I know you're disappointed...
Frank
Just one small piece of liver, that's all I need. But no. Thank you, God. Thank you for the cosmic fuck you. Even my own daughter isn't a match.
Frank
Anything else you wanna throw at me? How about a flesh-eating virus, huh? Wanna toss that in?
Frank
What?
Frank
I didn't say that.
Frank
No. Oh, fuck it. What's the use? Hate me now, hate me later, you all hate me eventually. And for what? What did I ever do to you?
You're my dad? I almost put you in my mouth.
Frank
I didn't ask you to do that.
You dry-humped my thigh for half an hour yesterday.
Frank
Dry-humping is not incest! [realizes mistake] Shit.
Frank
What are you yelling about?! I'm the one not getting a liver!
[Ferociously screams] GET... OUT! [She throws him out of her trailer]
[Frank and Carl are in a meeting with all the boys Carl has assaulted and their parents and the school principal]
Frankly, Mr. Gallagher, your son's behavior has been among the most egregious I've seen at this school, and I've been here a long time. Don't look a day over 90. He terrorizes these students to the point that they move through my halls in fear. School should not be a palace of terror. It should be a temple of learning. If children do not feel safe, how can they learn?
She's asking me, Chipwich.
The only way to get through to Carl is have him face the truth of what he's done and let him absorb it in a meaningful way. Do that, okay? He can't just do it. He needs to actively engage. Got any suggestions?
He should apologize to my kid and every other kid here. Individually. Like he means it.
Frank
Oh, spare us the Wiener act. Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. And you little shit, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You're welcome.
What if I want to cure cancer?
Frank
Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.
Frank
Hey, Sammi!
No, Frank, no. Come on. Don't get her involved in this.
Frank
Oh, calm down. She's got a good head for cons.
Frank
Why would two dykes offer double market value for this dump?
Frank
Not a scam. An investment.
Tribune named this neighborhood an up and comer. Alls anybody's talking about down at the Alibi.
Frank
Oh, mother of God.
Frank
You are not selling!
Hey, who was talking about sell... Are you going to sell this... Frank.
Frank
They may have female genitalia, but those lesbians are the man moving in on our territory. Oh, great. It used to be that a... that poor folks could get a-a decent apartment right near downtown. And then suddenly, it's moved 40 blocks south. And then 80 blocks. Where does it end?
Well, maybe it ends with you and me in an RV seeing the country.
Frank
This is just like with the Jews. Ten years from now, they'll claim it "never happened," but it is happening. They want to move people in who can pay taxes. So they push us out. And eventually, we end up in a camp somewhere at the edge of civilization. Oh. A tent city built on old landfills and toxic waste sites. And then they start passing out the smallpox blankets.
We could see Mount Rushmore. We could go see where the... where the aliens landed in New Mexico. Or, or, or we could see The Burning Man. And mostly, Frank, we could get away from Sammi. Please, Frank, please. Please don't fight me on this. Because she just brings something out in me. I don't fully understand it. I hate your daughter, Frank. And I'm willing to sell this house that I love to get away from her. It's hate. I hate her. I hate your daughter, Frank. And I'm willing to sell this house that I love to get away from her.
Frank
Shiela, I get it. Yeah. I get it. Sammi is a tough nut to learn to love. And if we're being honest, I have heretofore failed on that front myself. But I will not participate in the destruction of my neighborhood. No, I will be remain here on the South Side of Chicago, and launch my beer, which will be a far greater legacy than any "Burning Man" will ever be.
I want to see The Burning Man! I don't get it. Is he alive and burning? Does he burn himself a little bit each day? I don't know how he burns or... I want to know.
Yeah, well, might have been some phone sex with Miami.
Frank
What are you guys building on top of the old nursing home?
I don't build. I'm just demo.
Frank
I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you all what it is. It's a Starbucks. Or some sort of artisanal juicery. Or a whole fucking foods.
Just drop it, Frank, all right?
Frank
I'm talking about gentrification, my friends.
Frank
I'm talking about the beginning of the end. I have seen this before on Fulton Street in '64. On Kirby Street in '68. Realtors started buying up property at better than market value, and within a few months, the whole neighborhood was over run with the gentry, and we were forced out. Today, the urban gentry is monied lesbians. They knock on your door. They offer you twice what your home is worth, and they do it 'cause they know something you don't.
You think I'd let him live in my home?
Frank
Laugh, laugh. You won't be laughing in a year. When you won't be able to afford to live here. They move in, they take over. They kick the homeless out of the park as if they don't have a God given right to sleep there. We are dinosaurs, my friend. And a big, fat comet is headed for our sweet slice of earth. And that comet is a Starbucks.
I know you're not helping yourself to my stuff.
Frank
Well, you're not using it. Who's gonna buy this hunk of metal?
Frank
[Chuckles] Donate it. It's an excellent cause... my brewery...
Frank
I will give you a free six-pack of beer, and this is not...
I'm Muslim. I don't drink.
Frank
Ah, come on, buddy! I'm flat broke until my insurance check comes in. Cut me a break. What can we barter with? What's currently missing from your life?
Frank
Anything else?
My wife just passed. Every Wednesday, we used to bust out the Astroglide and saddle up. I need to get laid. I don't want anything long-term, though, I'm emotionally unavailable.
Frank
Okay, okay, okay, you're in luck. I know a little blonde who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. You buy her a pork taco and a shot of Smirnoff, and it's go time.
Frank
My daughter. She's a looker, nice face, excellent tits, tight ass.
Frank
How was work?
A goddamn nightmare. Why does everybody wait till the last minute to buy their damn sparklers? Like they don't know the holiday's coming. Seasonal retail is the pits.
Frank
You look exhausted.
I'm not used to having people yell at me all day long. [Shouts] Chuckie! Go to bed!
Frank
Come on.
[Sighs] I don't have anyone to talk to. Sheila hates me. Fiona ignores me. All those jerks at the Alibi just want to bang and bolt. Oh, they're... they're awful. [Cries]
Frank
You need a good man.
I do. But there's none left.
Frank
Hey.
Frank
You know what? I have this friend. I think you two might really hit it off.
Frank
I'm telling you, this guy is different.
I need a penis break. I'm this revolving door for chumps. It's not good for me, and it's not good for Chuckie.
Frank
I'm telling you, this fella could be the one. He really knows how to treat a lady.
Frank
His wife croaked. Poor thing. He has his own business, a late-model Sedan, widescreen TV. He showers regularly. [Laughs] Come on. Why not? Okay. There you go.
Frank
That's my girl.
Frank
You bet.
Frank
I am.
Let us know if you hear of anyone nearby struggling to make ends meet or on disability - or headed for incarceration. [Hands Sheila a business card]
We'd like to buy as many homes as we can.
Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, thank you! Thank you so much. [To Frank] That was one of the lesbians. [Holds up cheque] Okay, this is earnest money to buy this house, which means they're earnest! It's happening, Frank, whether you like it or not.
Frank
Oh, God. Oh, God. I, Oh, God, I can't, I'm, I'm sorry. I can't. I'm, I'm still too weak. I, What if, I have to stay close to my doctors and my family. Sammi and Chuckie need me, and Sammi is a train wreck. And Fiona and the kids-- I'm their dad. A home is a home, damn it. I died upstairs, and then I came back to life. I was reborn in this house. I'm practically the mayor of this place. Sheils, come on, you can't take that away from me. These few blocks, this neighborhood It's the only thing I've ever had. It's the only thing that's ever meant anything to me. I thought I was the only thing that ever meant anything to you. And you. Of course and you. Yeah, you're my everything. You are my dawn and my dusk. You're the sun. You're the moon. Sheila. Sheila, I'm begging you. Oh, fuck me.
Man with taste. [Chuckles, then clears throat] Oh, oh, um, listen, look, I-I really like you. You're a true gentleman, and I don't meet many of those, which is... why I want to take things slow.
I don't want to make the same mistakes that I have with the last 30 or 40 guys I've been with.
By "Take it slow," you mean we can get at it after I finish my water?
[Chuckles] Oh. No, no, I mean, you know go out on a few dates, get to know each other better.
But Frank promised you would bone me as soon as we got back to your trailer.
...
[To Frank in the basement when he's engrossed in his beer still] Frank, I've decided when Ernie comes with the RV to tell him to turn it around and take it back home.
Frank
You're keeping the house?
I want to be with you and reaffirm our commitment to our partnership
Frank
Oh, you... Oh, no, no, no, no. Maybe later.
[Sammi comes down to the basement]
Hey! You dangled me like a sex carrot to get brewery equipment?
Frank
You were lonely. I was killing two birds with one stone.
You know, I don't like your tone.
He promised that man that I would put out on the first date!
Frank
I've seen you put out after the first drink.
[Sammi chases Frank up basement stairs with Sheila following leaving Hanzi behind, Sammi is on Frank's back pounding him outside in the street]
...in a bottle of diarrhea!
That is an unacceptable...
I am your flesh and blood!
Frank
She is nobody! All right, can the both of you...
I am your flesh and blood!
Frank
Both of you, just shut the fuck up?! Can't a man have one moment of peace?! Christ! I've got a raging lunatic succubus of a daughter, on one hand, and a lumpy, smothering pervert of a wife, on the other! And you are both driving me fucking insane!
Frank
Don't you "Daddy" me! You are needy! You are slutty! Your son is a lump of pure misery! And you have disgusting personal hygiene! And you!
Frank
You are a certified whack job!
Frank
You couldn't go out of your house for two years. You take great pleasure in shoving fake penises up the butts of the men you love! You banged the husband of your only daughter! You adopted a bunch of Indian kids, and who the fuck knows why?! And I cannot stand your unreasonably complicated cooking!
[Sammi starts crying]
Frank
Oh, Jesus Christ! Can't a man get one fucking minute of peace?! Just one minute?! [Sheila's house goes up in a total fireball explosion] Holy shit! Must've been the extra propane.
Where's Hanzi? [Hanzi's right leg comes down near Frank]
Frank
That's a nice sock.
[RV dealer pulls up in brand new RV, who gets out astonished at the sight, says "Holy Mama", without saying a word to Frank, Sheila gets in and drives off]
...
[Lesbian couple is watching firefighters douse Sheila's house wreckage]
At least we won't have to pay for the demo.
RLRedhead Lesbian
Score. [They do high five]
Are you good with fractions?
Frank
Fractions of what?
Like if you have a 16th of an ounce of something, how many grams would that be?
Frank
You dealing drugs?
Frank
If Fiona found out I was helping you with your drug fractions, she'd have my scalp.
No one's telling Fiona anything.
Frank
Basic overview. You got flaps, half G's, G's, teeners, 8 balls, and ounces. An ounce is 28 grams, but really it's 28.35. An 8-ball is 3.54, and a teener is 1.77. But the dealers round down. So they pocket the extra 0.35. You following?
I might need to write this down.
BDBuddy Diamond
I'm Buddy Diamond. I founded this organization.
Frank
Hold on. Your name is Diamond?
BDBuddy Diamond
Come this way.
Frank
Fuck. Whoa.
BDBuddy Diamond
As you know, most insurance plans have a cap on what they'll pay for prosthetic limbs. But thanks to you, these homeless children will live normal lives, play in the school yard, ride bikes, run for the sheer joy of it. Kids, this is the man I told you about. This is why you have legs. Such a... such a noble enterprise. It's wonderful what you're doing for these kids. I am so moved by it.
Frank
I knew you would be. But I need the money back.
Frank
There's been a mistake. And it's regrettable. And while I would prefer cash, I'll take a check.
BDBuddy Diamond
The money's been spent. That's what I brought you here to see.
Frank
No, no. I need that money back.
BDBuddy Diamond
It's not possible. Frank, you paid for half a dozen prosthetics, including this beauty here with silicone skin that goes for $60,000.
Frank
One leg? 60 grand? [He attempts to grab the prosthetic off the kids and they fight him for it]
BDBuddy Diamond
Hey. Hey. That doesn't belong to you.
Frank
No, no. Give me back my leg. Give it back.
BDBuddy Diamond
This is not your leg.
Frank
Don't take my leg. No. This is... No. I paid for the damn leg. That's all the money I've got in the world. This is my insurance settlement. Got to get my money back.
Shameless · 903 quotes
