HHanzi
I know you're not helping yourself to my stuff.
Well, you're not using it. Who's gonna buy this hunk of metal?
HHanzi
You are, my friend.
[Chuckles] Donate it. It's an excellent cause... my brewery...
I will give you a free six-pack of beer, and this is not...
HHanzi
I'm Muslim. I don't drink.
Ah, come on, buddy! I'm flat broke until my insurance check comes in. Cut me a break. What can we barter with? What's currently missing from your life?
HHanzi
My wife just passed. Every Wednesday, we used to bust out the Astroglide and saddle up. I need to get laid. I don't want anything long-term, though, I'm emotionally unavailable.
Okay, okay, okay, you're in luck. I know a little blonde who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. You buy her a pork taco and a shot of Smirnoff, and it's go time.
My daughter. She's a looker, nice face, excellent tits, tight ass.
HHanzi
More of a tradesman, actually.
Wow. Looks and smarts? Did I get lucky tonight or what? And I like your jacket. It's very classy.
...
Hey! It ain't quitting time yet, College!
Look, uh, do we get paid for the holiday on Monday? What? You know, it's the fourth? Of July? It's, you know, America's birthday. It's the birth of democracy. Yeah, I know what the fourth of July is, smart-ass. No. None of the holidays. Not the tree one, the president one, the war one, and definitely not the one for the blacks. This ain't the post office.
I-I think I tweaked my back.
You're not gunning for workman's comp, are you, kid?
Good. 'Cause the "comp" stands for competition from the Mexicans who all want your job. So man up, or you're gonna be on permanent unpaid holiday.
...
MMatty
Last night, did we, um.
I know. It was wonderful.
MMatty
So that did happen?
MMatty
I was, I was plastered.
But you had a... Your thing...
MMatty
No, Debbie, that's biology. That's not consent. [Sighs]
I thought it meant you wanted to.
MMatty
Did I say I wanted to? Not exactly. Debbie, I was barely conscious, okay? You date-raped me.
MMatty
No, Debbie, you statutory-raped yourself. I could go to jail.
MMatty
Friends don't rape friends.
I-I didn't mean to rape you. I'm sorry.
[Matty walks away]
Man with taste. [Chuckles, then clears throat] Oh, oh, um, listen, look, I-I really like you. You're a true gentleman, and I don't meet many of those, which is... why I want to take things slow.
I don't want to make the same mistakes that I have with the last 30 or 40 guys I've been with.
HHanzi
By "Take it slow," you mean we can get at it after I finish my water?
[Chuckles] Oh. No, no, I mean, you know go out on a few dates, get to know each other better.
HHanzi
But Frank promised you would bone me as soon as we got back to your trailer.
...
[To Frank in the basement when he's engrossed in his beer still] Frank, I've decided when Ernie comes with the RV to tell him to turn it around and take it back home.
You're keeping the house?
I want to be with you and reaffirm our commitment to our partnership
Oh, you... Oh, no, no, no, no. Maybe later.
[Sammi comes down to the basement]
Hey! You dangled me like a sex carrot to get brewery equipment?
You were lonely. I was killing two birds with one stone.
You know, I don't like your tone.
He promised that man that I would put out on the first date!
I've seen you put out after the first drink.
[Sammi chases Frank up basement stairs with Sheila following leaving Hanzi behind, Sammi is on Frank's back pounding him outside in the street]
...in a bottle of diarrhea!
That is an unacceptable...
I am your flesh and blood!
She is nobody! All right, can the both of you...
I am your flesh and blood!
Both of you, just shut the fuck up?! Can't a man have one moment of peace?! Christ! I've got a raging lunatic succubus of a daughter, on one hand, and a lumpy, smothering pervert of a wife, on the other! And you are both driving me fucking insane!
Don't you "Daddy" me! You are needy! You are slutty! Your son is a lump of pure misery! And you have disgusting personal hygiene! And you!
You are a certified whack job!
You couldn't go out of your house for two years. You take great pleasure in shoving fake penises up the butts of the men you love! You banged the husband of your only daughter! You adopted a bunch of Indian kids, and who the fuck knows why?! And I cannot stand your unreasonably complicated cooking!
[Sammi starts crying]
Oh, Jesus Christ! Can't a man get one fucking minute of peace?! Just one minute?! [Sheila's house goes up in a total fireball explosion] Holy shit! Must've been the extra propane.
Where's Hanzi? [Hanzi's right leg comes down near Frank]
[RV dealer pulls up in brand new RV, who gets out astonished at the sight, says "Holy Mama", without saying a word to Frank, Sheila gets in and drives off]
...
[Lesbian couple is watching firefighters douse Sheila's house wreckage]
At least we won't have to pay for the demo.
RLRedhead Lesbian
Score. [They do high five]
Shameless · 903 quotes
