Doctor Cox quotes from Scrubs

Bob, do you realize what you did by giving Blondie that book?

Dr. Kelso

With any luck, I kept her from reporting me to the Board for trying to con her out of meds.

Thanks to your little gesture, she actually believes that the earth is full of people who, deep down, are filled with kindness and caring!

Dr. Kelso

Well, that's absurd. People are bastard-coated bastards with a bastard filling.

Exactly!

[to Neena] Okay, missy. Knowing damn sure that you'll sue us if the slightest thing should go wrong with this elective procedure, we're gonna go ahead and elect not to do it.

Neena

You can't do that.

Really? Bob?

Dr. Kelso

Hospitals can refuse treatment on a non-emergency patient. Here's a list of places we can refer you to. Thanks for playing.

(to Elliot) Barbie, the guy's a sexist pig. He's gonna eat you alive.

Elliot

Look, I'm not the same doctor I was four years ago. I'm smarter, I'm more confident...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just skip the rest of your "I'll show you speech" and just walk away in a huff. I'm very busy. Thank you!

Murray

[to his father] ...If you need a kidney you can have mine... for $70,000.

I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.

J.D.

(to Dr. Cox) Anyway, know Mr. Marks? He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor? But he's got a son! We gotta find this guy!

Look, Newbie, there are times a man wants to keep something to himself. Like, say, he's got a son. Or he's 29 years old and keeps a journal with a unicorn drawn on the cover?

J.D.

Ah, that's a horse with a sword on his head, and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams.

(to Mr. Marks about J.D.) Boy, tell me about it. You know, I got this kid who constantly ignores my advice, and then flashes me the sad doe eyes every time I call him a girl's name or scream in his face.

Do you wanna sing about him?

No. Not ever.

J.D.

Hey I just wanted to take a second to thank you, For constantly berating me doubting my abilities and the overall devastation of my self-esteem.

My pleasure.

Carla, have you seen Newbie?

Carla

Oh, he got off your leash?

Give me a break. The kid's like.... have you ever seen a drunk baby? It's a long story, involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say that it turns out at first it's endearing to watch them bounce off the walls, but man, you take your eyes off them for one second and bam! They've got a bucket on their head and they're plowing through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box. The point is that Newbie is my drunk baby.

Saaaay... that was some real Nancy Drew work there... Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes, but damn amusing!

J.D.

Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.

Did you somehow think that you weren't annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you ARE annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the Middleweight Annoyance Crown.

J.D.

Well, you're the number one jealous weight for the jealous... weight jealous... champ.

HE'S DONE IT! HE'S DONE IT! DORIAN IS THE MOST - ANNOYING - MAN - IN THE WORLD! WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT, A JOURNEYMAN ANNOYER LIKE DORIAN?... [trails off as he leaves the room]

J.D.

You are a close second!

Well?

Jordan

It's blue. I'm not pregnant.

Ohh.

Jordan

You know what's weird? I'm relieved, I just feel... kinda sad, because I think about how beautiful our son is and I... kinda wish it had gone the other way, you know? [She notices Cox is no longer there.] Sweetie?

SHE'S NOT PREGNANT! IT CAME OUT BLUE! IT'S BLUE! SHE'S NOT PREGNANT! IT'S BLUE! IT CAME OUT BLUE!

Danni

Hey, grouchy pants! Do you wanna hang out?

Does "hang out" mean choke you?

So, Nurse Ghandirella, I need you to suction this guy, do a wet-to-dry dressing change, and, oh, what the hell, go ahead and top him off with one of your special, special sponge baths. Happy ending optional; his choice, not yours.

Turk

This guy's in a coma.

Not all of him.

Jordan, your only skill is illegal in 26 states.

Jordan

It's 27. Arkansas buckled.

So, why do you wanna baby-sit my kid? You think I can't handle my own kid?

No, that's not it at all. I think you're great with your kid. You're fantastic with your kid. In fact, in fact if you want, you can baby-sit my kid.

Are we really doing this? 'Cause I'll baby-sit the hell outta your kid.

Oh, bring it on, daddy.

I need your help.

Elliot

Fine, but I have three rules. One, when we're in the room you say nothing. Two, I get to say whatever I want about you. And three, if you break rule one or two, I get to boing your curls.

What the hell does "boing" mean?

Elliot

[pulling on one of Dr. Cox's curls and releasing it] Booiinnng.

Oh God—this is gonna kill me.