Carla Espinosa quotes from Scrubs

Carla

He doesn't know that I cry sometimes because...I'm not sure there's a cat heaven.

Carla

You don't want to get on Bambi's bad side, and suffer the wrath of Bambi!

Carla

Elliot, wait! Elliot, you did your flirty manipulation thing in front of that guy in there, and now, well, he kinda thinks you're this despicable floozy ho excuse for a doctor!

Carla

[frantic] Turk! If you can't remember to put the cap on the toothpaste how are we going to raise our children? You know what? I'm going to stay with my sister!

Carla

[to Laverne] Wow. I'm still not ready to do this. It's gonna be so weird not having you by my side everyday. Making fun of the doctors. Going on and on about Jesus; man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed. Remember my first day? When that patient came in and started bleeding out on me. I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side. And you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all: you made me laugh. [chokes up] For the last 15 years you've been my role model, but most of all you've been my friend. And I don't know what else to say, but [crying] I'm really, really gonna miss you. Good-bye.

Carla

[to Turk] You know, if we do hook up tonight, for once, you won't be the only one thinking about J.D.

Why does this Gomer have to try and die every day during my lunch?

J.D.

That's a little insensitive.

J.D.

[narration] Mistake.

The man is 92 years old. He has full dementia. He doesn't even know we're here. He's inches away from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched.

Carla

Aww, that is so sweet.

Yeah, it is.

J.D.

What about his subconscious?

[whispers in the patient's ear] Eisenhower... was a sissy! [sarcastically jumps back into a defensive crouch, then resumes glaring at J.D.] I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be OK. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk.

Turk

Oh, come on, Carla, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me.

Carla

Well, you're a surgeon. So, you've got the god-complex, the cockiness, the whole "married to the job" thing. You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it. You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there [points at his crotch]. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told "no." So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite. [walks off]

J.D.

I'd go with the "god-complex"... but it's hard to choose, you know, they're all so good.

J.D.

So he has a cute butt. Everyone has a cute butt. I have a cute butt.

Carla

You should bring it in someday.

Elliot

Listen, Carla, I can't even pretend that I can give you tips on intercourse...

Carla

I got one for you: stop calling it that.

Elliot

My therapist thinks my trouble in bed stems from a basic fear of intimacy. But I just think it's just because any type of repetitive motion makes me nauseous. Oh, and since I was a little kid, I've always had nightmares about being crushed.

Carla

That poor shrink.

Carla

Hey Bambi, you know Mr. Simon made one of the night nurses cry?

J.D.

Which one?

Carla

Frank.

J.D.

Frank used to be a Navy SEAL!

J.D.

Hey, so what attendings are stuck here on call tonight?

Turk

Everyone’s at that Kelso thing.

Elliot

I think Dr Cox is on.

Carla

No, he went home, but he said that Carol could cover for him.

Turk

Is Carol the one with the really firm butt?

J.D.

Well, I’m Carol, so yes.

Elliot

It’s disturbing how obsessed you are with your own butt.

J.D.

Come on, you guys are missing the point. No one is here tonight but us. We are running this hospital.

Turk

This is our house!

Elliot

We’re in charge!

J.D.

I love my butt!

So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff? I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.

Carla

It's not like you haven't had sex with other people. Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...

Would you get off my ex-wife?

Carla

I will if you will.

[laughs] Dammit, gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

Turk

Tonight, I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.

J.D.

You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.

Turk

Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what would you do?

J.D.

Okay, first you gotta get, like, 50 candles, right?

Turk

Mm-hmm?

J.D.

You spread 'em all over the room with some rose petals....

Turk

That's right, because the roses are beautiful, and they make the room smell amazing.

J.D.

Like a meadow in springtime.

Turk

Mmm.

Carla

What are you guys talking about?

Turk

Nothing; guy talk!

J.D.

Yeah, bitches and hoes.

J.D.

I decided to take Jamie out on a date.

Carla

Who?

Turk

You know, Tasty Coma Wife?

Elliot

No way!

Nice job there, Hooch. I tell you what: You give me some prep time, and I'll rig it so the husband can come with you. Honest to God, I'll have him sitting right next to you. Whaddaya say?

I'm free, and I love Italian.

J.D.

You be quiet!

Carla

I can't believe you, Bambi!

Turk

She's so right, man.

Elliot

What are you thinking?

Oh, Rin Tin Tin Tin Tin...

J.D.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP AND SHUT UP, OK?! Who are you people to give me advice about anything?! All you do is just bitch about your relationships all day long! [to Dr. Cox] And you know what, glare all you want, big dog, okay? 'Cause I'm not afraid of you. [mimicking Cox] "Oh no! Jordan's only paying attention to the baby!" That must be so hard for "Dr. Look-At-Me", isn't it? "LOOK AT ME!" [to Turk and Carla] And you two? What, you're arguing since you got engaged? Wow, you're probably the first couple that's ever done that ever. It can't be that you're just scared, is it? [to Elliot] And you! Y-you know what, let's just — let's just forget for one second, that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because, for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. [to everyone] Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is that while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!

Laverne

Did I miss something good?