2nd most-quoted character in Scrubs: in 154 of its 394 quotes Most scenes with: J.D. (55), Dr. Kelso (20), Dr. Elliot Reid (17)
Scenes with Doctor Cox 129
CDr. Cox
Listen to me, never stick any part of your hairless body in my life again. Trust me, there is nothing for you to gain from it, because even if you went on a cruise to the furthest parts of the ocean and rescued my salt-soaked body in time to pump the sea water out of my lungs and bring me back from the brink of death, I would still be disappointed that the first face I saw was yours.
Bob, I cannot believe you're going to turn this hospital into a money-making machine that coerces people into spending their hard-earned cash on expensive procedures they don't even need.
Great, we made him cry. If we keep this up, we are gonna scar him for life!
CDr. Cox
I don't necessarily buy into all that New Age-y crap. I once saw my mom knock my dad unconscious with a frying pan. You know what I did? Kept right on going with my birthday party!
[to Dr. Cox] C'mon, man, it's our last week together! The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station! You must have a metaphor you want to use. Hit me with it.
CDr. Cox
I suppose I could riff on a list of things I care as little about as our last week together. Let me see. Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV. Wireless hotspots. The Bush daughters. The O.C. The U.N. Getting Punk'd. Danny Gans. The Latin Grammys. The real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much. The Yankees' payroll. All the red states. All the blue states. Every hybrid car. Every talk show host. Everything on the planet. Everything in the solar system. Everything-everything-everything-everything that exists, past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh... and Hugh Jackman! [leaves]
Newbie, do you want me to give my "things I don't care about" speech again? Because I've updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything.
[voiceover] OK, keep it together. It's "be a man" time. [out loud, barely holding together] No, it's fine. You did what you had to do! You went with your gut. Elliot's a great doctor. I do have three questions, though. [hysterically]Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?! Who's going to tell my mom?! And what the hell am I supposed to do with ten thousand "John Dorian, Chief Resident" business cards?! [Falls to his knees, throwing business cards everywhere]
Well, I figure with her being ridiculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills, and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle, and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, together, the two of you make one barely passable doctor...-slash-labradoodle.
I think, as a psychiatrist, I should be there when Ms. Myers' bandages get removed. I mean, the accident was traumatic enough, but with reconstructive facial surgey on top of that? In my professional opinion: yikes!
CDr. Cox
Well, if you are coming in, I might just go ahead and phone up my pool man and my architect so we populate the room with just as many useless people as possible.
Jenny Roth about eight weeks ago. It was really tough, because she was hot.
DDoug
Then later that third day... [his beeper goes off] Oh boy, that can't be good.
CDr. Cox
No, newbie, I've not killed. But I happen to be, as always, the exception that proves the rule. So right about now you gotta be asking yourself: do you think you're that good?
Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we? He's got me, an emotionally crippled narcissist, and he's got you, an emotionally crippled narcissist who is soaking in a tub of what by now has to be mostly your own urine.
Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with a bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Scrubs · 394 quotes
