Harvey Kinkle quotes from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Are you kidding? I’d love to meet the Violent Femmes! When? Where?

Harvey

Well, they’ll be signing CD’s at Music City in Boston tonight at midnight.

Midnight! That’s perfect. I have no conflicting plans. But I still have to ask my aunts.

Harvey

Just tell them what I told my parents. It’s an astrology field trip.

Don’t you mean astronomy?

Harvey

Wow, they’re paying even less attention than I thought...

This’ll be so much fun. You, me and the Violent Femmes.

[turing around from the next table] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes?

Harvey

Yeah.

You have to let me come with you. [moves to sit down by Sabrina] I will do anything to meet Gordon Gano. You know I hate this word but... Please? The more the merrier.

[after Harvey gives her a look] All right, you can come.

Thanks! This is so great. I love the Violent Femmes!

Gordie

[overhearing their conversation] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes? Can I come too? [he sits at their table beside Harvey]

No! Jeez Gordie, you can’t just invite yourself along!

I thought you just said ‘The more the merrier’?

Twist my words, why don’t you.

Harvey

Look, it’s my car, and I say any Femmes fan is welcome. So, Gordie, you’re in.

Gordie

Cool!

Harvey

Cool!

Cool!

S1 Hilda and Zelda: The Teenage Years

[annoyed] Shotgun.

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Harvey

You have to let us in. I mean, talk about Violent Femmes; If they don’t meet the band, there will be four extremely violent femmes, and I’m the one who has to drive them all back to Westbridge along with one love-sick dude. Do not make me do that. You know what I’m saying, you’ve been there right?

DGDoor Guard

[considers] Hartford, Led Zeppelin, 1973. Go on in.

S1 Hilda and Zelda: The Teenage Years

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Harvey

Hey, Sabrina.

Louis XV.

Harvey

No... What are you doing over vacation?

Oh, I’m going skiing with my aunts.

Harvey

Out West?

Actually...North. How about you?

Harvey

I’ll be here. In fact, I was hoping you’d be here too, so maybe we could do stuff.

Really? I wish I had known. I love doing stuff.

S1 Mars Attracts

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Harvey

Oh! I’ll grab the cat. We can make him chase the light reflected off my watch!

No! Er... He’s not allowed in the living room. Very bad shedding problem.

Harvey

[disgusted] Really?

[pointedly] Better if he just stays here and minds his own business.

[They leave through to the living room.]

Salem

[To himself] Like I don’t have anything better to do than spy on her. [beat] Wait, I don’t!

S1 First Kiss

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So, what did you wanna tell me that couldn’t wait till twelve thirty-seven?

Harvey

Something I should have said a long time ago: I think we should go steady.

Steady? I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.

Harvey

And I want to give you something so we’ll never forget this moment. [hands Sabrina a jewellery case]

[opening the case] A bracelet! It’s beautiful.

Harvey

Read the inscription.

"Harvey digs Sabrina"!

Harvey

Look on the back.

[confused] Twelve thirty-six?

Harvey

That’s what time it was when we first spoke in the cafeteria on your first day at school.

Oh, Harvey... [puts on the bracelet] It’s perfect.

Harvey

No, you’re perfect.

S1 As Westbridge Turns

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Harvey

Is Sabrina home?

No. I’m sorry.

Harvey

[disappointed] Me too... Well, when you see her, could you tell her... that I’ve thought about it, and I’m willing to accept whatever weird situation she’s in. That’s all, see ya.

[Harvey turns to leave, when Zelda notices the words "The Termite King" written on the back of his jacket]

Harvey! [he stops] Would you come in for a moment?

Harvey

...Sure. [enters the house]

I couldn't help but notice your jacket... Who is the "Termite King"?

Harvey

My Dad. That's his company.

Which would make you the Termite Prince!

Harvey

And that's why I'm leaving the area when I go to college.

S1 Troll Bride

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[after magically growing her hair out, ala Rapunzel] Harvey, climb up my hair!

Harvey

You're okay with that?

Yeah, just don't split any ends.

S1 Troll Bride

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Harvey

I always knew there was something magical about you Sabrina, and now... [the spell wears off, causing him to forget] What was I saying?

You were telling me... What Mitosis is.

Harvey

...Right! [beat] What is it?

S1 Troll Bride

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Harvey

My Mom and Dad say I’ve got to take my little brother and his friends trick or treating.

S2 A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It

You're kidding! Did they just spring this on you?

Harvey

Yeah! They just now reminded me that they told me about it two weeks ago.

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So I can’t decide whether to shoot for (a) The computer and the mountain bike, (b) The computer and the ski jacket or, (c) All of the above.

Harvey

Boy, I’d hate to be there if you got a savings bond...

S2 Sabrina Claus

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Hi Harvey.

Harvey

Hey Libby, got any plans for the holidays?

Like it matters; I hate Christmas.

Harvey

What’s your take on Kwanzaa?

I usually like all the presents, but this year I have to be around my bratty step-brother, Russell.

Harvey

[surprised] Really? Your family has a brat in it?

Colours with my lipstick, drips chocolate on my stuff and he can cry on cue... [notices Sabrina] What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year? [walks off]

And a crossbow!

S2 Sabrina Claus

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Valerie

[singing] "S", because she’s so sublime,

"A", because she’s awesome all the time!

Harvey

[singing] "B", because she’s the best babe in school,

"R", because she really makes me drool!

Mr. Kraft

[singing] And "I" is for the icon she’s become,

"N" is ‘cause she’s great, she makes me numb!

AAll

[singing] and "A", it’s redundant to say,

is the great mark she gets everyday!

No matter how it’s spelled;

Sabrina is un-parra-lelled!

Sabrina,

Sabrina!

Valerie

Sa!

Harvey

Bri!

Mr. Kraft

Na!

S3 And The Sabrina Goes To...

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[Sabrina has been sent out to deal with a rampaging dinosaur]

Okay, I'll just engage it in friendly conversation and maybe it'll go away. What language do giant lizards speak? Of course, Japanese. [casts a spell on her throat, making her speak Japanese] Takor, aday Toyota noya shin chah domo masu? ["So, what do you think of the new Toyotas?"]

Harvey

I didn’t know Sabrina could speak Japanese...

Mr. Kraft: Oh yes, it’s part of every Safety Monitor's training.

DDinosaur

[speaking French] Je ne comprends pas. Je parle français. Est-ce distillateur l’ère Mésozoïque? ["I don't understand. I speak French. Is this still the Mesozoic era?"]

[to herself] A French dinosaur. I only wish this was the strangest thing I've ever encountered. [casts another spell on her throat, making her speak French] Vous êtes dans la chance. Ils ont un centre ville de festival de viande. Un bon nombre de sauces crèmes. ["You're in luck. They're having a meat festival downtown. Lots of cream sauces".]

DDinosaur

Non possible! ["No way!"]