Sabrina Spellman quotes from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Jenny

This is such a great place! I mean, how many people have their own turret?

Sabrina

I don’t know, me and Rapunzel?

Jenny

There’s a totally gothic feel to this place, like anything could happen!

Sabrina

[pointedly] Could... but doesn’t!

Jenny

Too bad, that’s like my dream... Hey, I got an idea; Wanna tell each other secrets?

Sabrina

[alarmed] Secrets?

Jenny

I’ll go first, okay? Ever since I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, I’ve believed in other realms. Like the way Edmund pushes past the coats and falls into Narnia? I think that could happen if we could just find the door... Wouldn’t that be amazing?

Sabrina

[unconvinced] Yeah...

Do you mind if I smoke? It’s only bubbles.

Sabrina

Go ahead.

Oh, I’ve been trying to quit, but my job is so stressful... [blows on her pipe]

Sabrina

Stress? Tell me about it.

I’m sorry about the rules. I don’t make them up, I only read them... And personally, I think #714 stinks. I mean, what is so bad about mortals?

Sabrina

Nothing. Especially Jenny, she was the coolest.

So, why not find a loophole?

Sabrina

[surprised] There are loopholes?

Yeah, don’t you know the rule?

Sabrina

What rule?

I’m off duty, but... [proclaiming voice] "Rule number 803: For every rule, there is a loop-hole." [normal voice] In fact, there are more loopholes than rules.

Sabrina

So, there’s a chance I can save Jenny?!

Yeah - but not for another five minutes, I’ve gotta finish my bubbles.

Sabrina

Listen up: "Mortals without concious knowledge of the realm may walk in and out of it freely." [smugly] Loophole!

Zelda

But Jenny already has concious knowledge

Sabrina

So we get rid of the concious part

Hilda

We knock her out?

Sabrina

No. We convince her she’s having a dream. Then she can leave.

No, she can’t!

Yes, she can. [holds up scroll] I have it in writing.

[disappointed] Oh, toothpicks!

Sorry. Rules are rules, but loopholes are loopholes!

Sabrina

What am I gonna do? Harvey and I are supposed to give a report on the rain-forest today, but I am not going to school like this! [gestures to wart]

Zelda

You can’t skip school because of a wart. It’s part of being a witch.

Hilda

It happens to all of us; I once had one on the end of my nose for a decade. [laughs, then stops] Actually, it wasn’t that funny, I wanted to die. Just be glad you can cover yours with a baseball cap. [conjures up a cap for Sabrina]

Salem

Orioles? I didn’t know you were a baseball fan.

Hilda

I’m not - I’m a Brady Anderson fan. He is hot! I love those side-burns!

Salem

Yeah. I may be a house pet, but I totally see it...

Sabrina

[after discovering her Biosphere can't be fixed with magic] Great! Great, great, great!

Hilda

That’s the spirit!

Sabrina

[angrily] I was being sarcastic! [storms off]

Hilda

So was I...

Sabrina

I’m in such a good mood.

Zelda

Well then, we should celebrate.

Hilda

And there’s no better way to celebrate than with a woggly joggly flan! [conjures up a flan]

Sabrina

[happily] This is great! Great, great, great! [Zelda, Hilda and Salem give her a hard look] I was being sincere!

Sabrina

Are you kidding? I’d love to meet the Violent Femmes! When? Where?

Harvey

Well, they’ll be signing CD’s at Music City in Boston tonight at midnight.

Sabrina

Midnight! That’s perfect. I have no conflicting plans. But I still have to ask my aunts.

Harvey

Just tell them what I told my parents. It’s an astrology field trip.

Sabrina

Don’t you mean astronomy?

Harvey

Wow, they’re paying even less attention than I thought...

Sabrina

This’ll be so much fun. You, me and the Violent Femmes.

Libby

[turing around from the next table] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes?

Harvey

Yeah.

Libby

You have to let me come with you. [moves to sit down by Sabrina] I will do anything to meet Gordon Gano. You know I hate this word but... Please? The more the merrier.

Sabrina

[after Harvey gives her a look] All right, you can come.

Libby

Thanks! This is so great. I love the Violent Femmes!

Gordie

[overhearing their conversation] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes? Can I come too? [he sits at their table beside Harvey]

Libby

No! Jeez Gordie, you can’t just invite yourself along!

Sabrina

I thought you just said ‘The more the merrier’?

Libby

Twist my words, why don’t you.

Harvey

Look, it’s my car, and I say any Femmes fan is welcome. So, Gordie, you’re in.

Gordie

Cool!

Harvey

Cool!

Sabrina

Cool!

Libby

[annoyed] Shotgun.

Hilda

Look, we’re really sorry we embarrassed you...

Zelda

...And we feel we owe you some fun. So... [conjures up a vacuum cleaner]

Hilda

Ta-da!

Sabrina

[unimpressed] I get to clean the house?

Zelda

No, you get to fly!

Sabrina

On a vacuum?

Hilda

Yes! See, old time witches used broomsticks, but vacuums are much faster and more efficient.

Sabrina

You’re gonna let me fly? I don’t believe this!

Zelda

It’s true. You proved tonight that you can handle the responsibility...

Hilda

...And we were very impressed by the way you refused to buckle to peer-pressure...

Zelda

And most importantly, you called us your friends.

Sabrina

[tearfully] Stop, you’re embarrassing me.

Harvey

Hey, Sabrina.

Sabrina

Louis XV.

Harvey

No... What are you doing over vacation?

Sabrina

Oh, I’m going skiing with my aunts.

Harvey

Out West?

Sabrina

Actually...North. How about you?

Harvey

I’ll be here. In fact, I was hoping you’d be here too, so maybe we could do stuff.

Sabrina

Really? I wish I had known. I love doing stuff.

Sabrina

Salem, what are you doing?

Salem

Nothing!

Sabrina

You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you?

Salem

I like the attention

Harvey

Oh! I’ll grab the cat. We can make him chase the light reflected off my watch!

Sabrina

No! Er... He’s not allowed in the living room. Very bad shedding problem.

Harvey

[disgusted] Really?

Sabrina

[pointedly] Better if he just stays here and minds his own business.

Salem

[To himself] Like I don’t have anything better to do than spy on her. [beat] Wait, I don’t!

Sabrina

I passed, why is Harvey still a frog?

Zelda

There's one final detail; To change him back, you have to return to the scene of the kiss and kiss him again.

Sabrina

[disgusted] I have to kiss a frog? That is so gross!

Zelda

Teenagers; they'll jump through flames, but ask 'em to kiss a frog...

Sabrina

Wow! Awesome photo of Elijah Wood!

Oh, he’s my little honey.

Sabrina

[surprised] You know him?

Noah Wyle introduced us.

Sabrina

You know Noah Wyle?!

Only through Christian Slater.

Sabrina

I love Christian Slater! How do you know these people?

Well, when you get to be my age, you know just about everybody.

Sabrina

[filling out a form for the Boston Cat Show] Okay, name... "Salem Spellman"...

Salem

May I remind you, I’m your cat, not your pet? I have my own last name.

Sabrina

You do?

Salem

It’s Saberhagen, Salem Saberhagen.

Sabrina

And what breed are you?

Salem

American Shorthair... and darned proud of it. Write that down, the judges will eat that up.

Sabrina

That’s all we need! [frowns] Except for the five dollar application fee...

Salem

Don’t look at me, I’m maxed out!

What can you tell me about Salem’s temperament?

Sabrina

Well he’s very friendly, very focused and... [covers Salem’s ears] ...just a little power mad.

Sounds like he’s all cat.

Sabrina

Right, and he’s got a real head for numbers; May I demonstrate? [places a board numbered from 0 to 9 on the desk] Ask him a simple multiplication question.

[taken back] Okay... Salem, uh... What’s seven times five? [Salem places his paw first on the three and then on the five] Amazing! [beat] Although, we do judge purely on appearance...

Sabrina

Isn’t that life?