Sabrina Spellman quotes from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Sabrina

Look, I don’t know much about adult relationships, but I know you’re making a big mistake.

[skeptical] Oh, really?

Sabrina

Yeah, my Dad’s the coolest. I mean, he’s fun and thoughtful and kind, and if there’s a good movie on he’ll let you stay up late.

I’m well aware of your father’s good points - that’s why I said "yes" when you asked if I thought we’d get married.

Sabrina

So, what’s the problem?

He said no.

Sabrina

He just needs time. The divorce was really hard on him and my Mom. They thought their marriage was gonna last forever - Not twelve years, which is a lot shorter... So, now he’s a little freaked out, but just be patient. I keep telling him he has to move on. [stops] We all have to move on...

How much time do you think he’ll need?

Sabrina

Well, it’s hard to say... But the question you have to ask yourself is not "do you want to get married", but "do you love my Dad"?

...I do.

Sabrina

Then, you should be together - it’s as simple as that. You know that love between two people is stronger than any legal document.

Yes. But as a lawyer, I’m not supposed to admit it...

Sabrina

I guess I don’t have to worry about Mom, anymore...

Salem

She’s happy?

Sabrina

Yeah, she loves her work, and her colleague is really cute... So, I’m pleased to say everyone’s moved on.

Salem

Not me, I’m stayin’ put. There’s an exciting shaft of light on the ceiling that’ll keep me here for the next five hours.

Sabrina

[looks up at the ceiling] So there is. [smiles] Well, enjoy it, Salem - you deserve it.

Sabrina

What are you watching?

Hilda

My favorite soap opera: The Burden of Desire

Sabrina

Catch me up while they jacuzzi.

Hilda

Okay, Blake just quit Sherman Enterprises in anger precipitating a family crisis in which Norma turned to Frank, not Nick, for comfort.

Sabrina

Now that’s a Thursday. Why can’t my life be exciting like that?

Hilda

It can.

Sabrina

Really? How?

Hilda

Use a spell.

Sabrina

Worms? What am I supposed to do with a Can O’ Worms?

Hilda

Open it. All emotions will become heightened. But be careful; remember, you have to take the good with the bad.

Sabrina

Gimme, I’ll take whatever I can get. [opens the can]

Sabrina

So, what did you wanna tell me that couldn’t wait till twelve thirty-seven?

Harvey

Something I should have said a long time ago: I think we should go steady.

Sabrina

Steady? I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.

Harvey

And I want to give you something so we’ll never forget this moment. [hands Sabrina a jewellery case]

Sabrina

[opening the case] A bracelet! It’s beautiful.

Harvey

Read the inscription.

Sabrina

"Harvey digs Sabrina"!

Harvey

Look on the back.

Sabrina

[confused] Twelve thirty-six?

Harvey

That’s what time it was when we first spoke in the cafeteria on your first day at school.

Sabrina

Oh, Harvey... [puts on the bracelet] It’s perfect.

Harvey

No, you’re perfect.

Hilda

Sabrina, what’s going on?

Sabrina

It’s this spell, it’s totally out of control! Make it stop!

Zelda

We can’t do that. You opened a Can of Worms and until they wriggle their way to a dramatic climax, you’re stuck.

Sabrina

But I am in so much trouble! The police think I stole the ring Mr. Pool bought for the nurse, but Libby’s setting me up to get me out of the way because she wants to steal my boyfriend who has amnesia.

Hilda

Oh, this is even better than Burden of Desire! [Sabrina glares at her] Except that it’s happening to you...

Does this belong to you?

Hilda

Sabrina, what's going on?

I caught her over Brooklyn flying with a full bag and trailing a lot of dust. That warrants an emissions citation, but when I attempted to pull her over, she took off!

Sabrina

I was looking for a well lit area!

Sabrina

I can't believe this, I'm missing The Smashing Pumpkins!

Salem

Bummer T. Jones III.

Hilda

Oh no, she's gone again!

Sabrina

No, I'm not. I'm on the bed.

Hilda

How'd you get over there?

Sabrina

Salem carried me in his mouth.

Salem

It took all my self control not to eat her.

Sabrina

Whoa! Do you know what's just dawned on me? You guys had lives before I got here. This is amazing, we have a lot of catching up to do. So, were you ever kids?

Hilda

Yes, although it was back in the fourteenth century. There were no phones, no TV's, things were very different

Stuart Clarkson here. You have a legal emergency?

Sabrina

A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.

Did you sign a contract?

Sabrina

Yes.

Did you read the contract?

Sabrina

No.

Have a nice wedding.

Sabrina

[after magically growing her hair out, ala Rapunzel] Harvey, climb up my hair!

Harvey

You're okay with that?

Sabrina

Yeah, just don't split any ends.

Harvey

I always knew there was something magical about you Sabrina, and now... [the spell wears off, causing him to forget] What was I saying?

Sabrina

You were telling me... What Mitosis is.

Harvey

...Right! [beat] What is it?

Sabrina

Is it time for the test?

Are you kidding? You are not ready. This is a warning. You haven't cracked this hand. I mean, not even the knuckles. Hey, I liked that one.

Hilda

Let me guess, you failed your first try?

Sabrina

I'll get it next time.

Zelda

I'm sure you will. But unfortunately, there's a penalty.

Sabrina

No dessert?

Spellman, Spellman... Why is that name so familiar? Hilda Spellman... Hilda Thorn-In-My-Side Spellman! Don't tell me you're related to Hilda Spellman?

Sabrina

...Okay!