Nice Scissors quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

[after the trio crashes through the roof of his house] What on earth is going on?

[all surprised] Henry Winkler?!

Yup, it's me. [to the viewers] I actually said yes to this.

Rock

[screams in excitement] Mr. Winkler, I am your biggest fan! I love your acting, your children's books, you can do no wrong.

I guess you didn't see my off-Broadway version of Kinky Boots.

Paper

[on recording] I'm Paper.

Scissors

[on recording] I'm Scissors.

Paper

And we're gonna kidnap you, Henry Winkler. [as the cops put him and Scissors in the back of the police car] We didn't say that! How did you--

Looks like you boys are going away. For a long time. [snickers evilly]

Scissors

Man! He's a good actor.

You guys?! How did you get out of prison?

Paper

Well, thanks to you, we now know one of us is good at opening locks.

Scissors

[as Paper uses him to cut the locks on the gate] Ah! Paper, you know I have teeth!

Paper

Time to put you away and clear our names.

Paper

Good news, friends. Things have been going swimmingly with me and my special lady.

Rock

Special lady?

Scissors

Are you 90?

Paper

[looking at a photo of him and Pencil playing around with an electric plasma ball] I can't even remember the last time I did something embarrassing around her. Oh. Yes, I can.

Pencil

Paper, I think you confused Toluene with Toluidine.

Paper

Oh. How embarrassing. [lets out a flatulence] I'm having a bad day. Anyway, I'm going to meet her tonight for a romantic dinner, tell her how I feel, and ask her to be my girlfriend. If she says yes, I'll feel like the luckiest man alive. And if she says no, I'll turn into a red-hot ball of inexhaustible rage and take it out on all of you guys. But who knows? [skips away]

Rock

Wanna film that for our channel?

Scissors

Worth a shot. Maybe it'll appease Grandma.

Sandpaper

Exercise is important. It's good for your heart, it's good for your brain. You guys are so sedentary, you're practically koalas.

Hey! That's a hurtful stereotype and… [quickly goes to sleep]

Rock

Also, we just did a workout last week.

Sandpaper

[sarcastically] Yeah? How'd that go?

All right, ladies, let's get those hands up and flap those pool noodles!

Scissors

This is hard. Let's go eat cake.

Sandpaper

You three need to stop making excuses. This is just like when Paper used to write fake notes from Mom to get out of gym class. [Paper gives her a note; reading] "Please excuse Paper from Sandpaper's workout. He has a broken…" [stops reading] Really? You're still doing this? [unplugs their video game system, shutting off the TV]

Paper

Hey!

Scissors

Hey!

Rock

[yells frantically as his friends look at him; calmly] Sorry.

Paper

Sandpaper, give that back!

Sandpaper

I'll give it back when you complete one of my workouts. And I promise, when you see the results, you won't care about video games anymore. [takes away three Jane Austen novels as well] And no Jane Austen novels either.

Rock

What?!

Paper

Awww!

Scissors

Come on!

Rock

Are you eating pancakes?

Scissors

[munching on pancakes while light jogging] I'm carbo loading. All athletes do it.

Paper

The day before the workout.

Scissors

Yeah, I'm gonna take workout advice from the guy exercising in jeans. [referring to Paper]

Rock

[as he and his friends find themselves in a jungle] Where are we?

Sandpaper

[on laptop] Welcome to the jungle! You've been dropped in the middle of Africa. And to finish this workout, you must get to a helicopter 50 miles north of here. That's where I'll be to fly you home.

Scissors

She does this for everyone?

Sandpaper

But between here and the chopper, you'll have to get through a series of rigorous, led-based exercises. So let's jump into the first one: pin this warthog!

Paper

Scissors, stop carbo loading!

Scissors

[eating an entire wedding cake] Mmm. I can't help you. I'm only halfway through this wedding cake.

Scissors

[starting to feel sick while gagging] Rock, stop running. I'm gonna throw up!

Paper

Scissors, come on!

Rock

We're so close!

Scissors

[placing his hands on his bloated stomach; weakly stuffed] Uh, I don't feel good. It's probably all the pancakes, lasagna, entire wedding cake, and 40 pounds of honey I ate offscreen.

Scissors

[quietly] It's okay. If we don't say anything, he'll think we're gone and he'll leave us alo--

Lou

[kicks the door down with his foot] Oh, there you are. I was knocking. [the trio sighs in disappointment] Listen, something's wrong with my cat, Meatball. I took him to the vet, changed his diet, even bought him a kitty Peloton, which he never uses… but he's still looking rough.

Rock

How old is he?

Lou

30.

Rock

30?

Lou

That's not that old. I'm only 31.

Rock

31?!

Paper

Uh, Lou, it might be Meatball's time.

Lou

What? I can't lose Meatball. We've done everything together.

Lou

I'm going broke trying to take care of him. I need more tenants.

Scissors

You also need to check that vampire book. He looks even worse now.

Lou

That's on me. I accidentally made him sick 'cause I ordered a garlic pizza from Chaepo's Pizza.

Paper

You ordered a garlic pizza?

Lou

Yeah, with garlic knots, garlic tots, raw garlic, and a pint of garlic juice.

Rock

[disgusted] Eww!

Lou

Try it.

Rock

[takes a drink of the garlic juice] Ooh, worse than I thought,

Scissors

In fairness, Meatball would've gotten sick from a regular Cheapo's pizza. That place is awful.

Cheapo's Pizza! Everyone gets food poisoning here!

Lou

[as Meatball puts his paw on his hand] I know, Meatball. I'll find a way to save you.

Scissors

[excitedly] My girlfriend's a mermaid! And then she took me on an incredible date. [voice-over] First, we got a couple's massage from an octopus. Then she gave me magical gills that appear underwater. [Delphine presses her hands on his throat, granting him some magical gills to make him breathe underwater] That way, I could swim down to her giant mer-kingdom! And then, all her fish friends sang to me over a romantic dinner!

[singing] ♪ Enjoy your meal / Enjoy your meal / Enjoy your meal / And your girlfriend who's real! ♪

[presenting Scissors a red pearl as a gift] This is a special pearl, because it's extremely dangerous to retrieve. It only grows inside a clam.

Scissors

That doesn't seem that dangerous.

That's been swallowed by a shark.

Scissors

Oh.

That's been eaten by a whale.

Scissors

Good Lord.

In mermaid culture, we give this to our perfect match, to say, "You matter to me most of all." [places it in his hands]

Scissors

So look at this! [holds out, what is actually a golf ball]

Rock

[baffled] A golf ball?

Scissors

No, it's-- Well, it was a pearl. Oh, she did say it only glows when you're with your perfect match, which is me for my mermaid girlfriend.

Paper

Guys, I asked you to help set up for the Apology Soirée.

Rock

The what?

Paper

The event I'm hosting where we invite everyone we've wrong over the past year to apologize. [holds up a whoopsie cake]

Rock

Are you doing this because individual apologies are hard and doing it all at once is the coward's way out?

Paper

That's what sold Scissors.

Scissors

Big coward!

Rock

Yeah, this feels like more of a "you guys" thing.

Paper

Fine. Then Scissors and I will be the mature ones in this-- [gets smacked in the face by Scissors' sticky hand] Ah! Ow! Scissors, you are such a child! [starts chasing him around] What grown man has a sticky hand?! You are a nightmare! If I look up "nightmare" in the dictionary, I would say, "Wrong picture," because it should be Scissors!

Rock

[gazing at the enlargement ray, and an idea gets in his head] The enlargement ray! [imagines himself in his enormous size as the apartment building and making modeling poses]

Franz

[amazed] Well, I certainly can't ignore you, now that you're enormous!

Lou

[also showing up along with his cats] I'm here too! Also, I couldn't find a cat-sitter, so I brought the boys.

Scissors

Lou, we didn't invite you.

Lou

And I expect an apology.