Nice Scissors quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

Scissors

What the heck is going?! I came here to do evil, and now I'm just making smoothies!

Yes, sometimes you have to open a juice shop to fund the evil-doing. What do you think I pay the henchmen with? Words of affirmation?

Wouldn't mind it.

Scissors? What's wrong?

Scissors

I can't do this.

Because you realized you don't want to hurt us and you're not actually evil?

Scissors

No. It's just… [steps forward] This plan took so long. I mean, months of tedious labor for one moment of excitement? I can't live like that. I… [sighs] I don't think I have the patience to be a supervillain. I really thought this was gonna be my defining thing, but now… I just feel lost.

Hey, man, you'll find it.

[steps forward and kneels down] Yeah, part of finding your thing is finding what your thing isn't.

Scissors

[smiles lightly] You're right. I just gotta keep searching. Thank you, Dreamscape.

Paper

[disgusted] Ugh, Rock, are you-- [Rock starts coughing] Are you-- [Rock coughs more and harder] Rock, are you okay?!

Rock

No. I got a nasty bug.

Bug

Hi, how ya doing?

Scissors

Gross.

Bug

Hey, I don't come to your work and call you gross. You know, 'cause you don't have a job.

Scissors

[sniffs sadly; voice breaking] Rock did say it was nasty.

Rock

I probably got it from working too much. Between Franz and the robot car wash…

Paper

You still work at the car wash?

Rock

I also worked at a climbing gym, but I just got fired.

You call yourselves car washers? You can't even dance!

Paper

Are those things related?

Of course, car washes are all about dancing, and you two better get your act together because Car Wash Nationals are this Sunday.

Scissors

Car Wash Nationals?

Yes, a competition where car washes are judged on dancing and washing that dates back to the 1920s.

It's the biggest sporting event in the country, and everyone's training for it.

Paper

This is ridiculous! That place has four people who are just back-up dancers and never touch the cars!

We've won the last two titles, and if we win this year, we'll be the first car wash to ever win the three-peat.

This is our chance to make the history books. [sternly] So don't ruin it for us.

Scissors

Oh, man. She is blatantly hitting on me.

Paper

Rock!

Scissors

You didn't tell us we were entering a dance competition!

Rock

I said it was an important time for the car wash. That wasn't clear?

NO!

Rock

But you said you'd cover for me.

Scissors

Yeah, but we can't do this. We've practiced all day. We're not championship-level dancers!

Bug

You're telling me. I bet you don't even know the difference between a basket toss and a full-down.

Paper

Can he cover for you?

Scissors

How can we have fun with it?! The stakes are enormous, and it's in front of MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!

Bug

I feel like they're not having fun with it.

Paper

[in unison] SHUT IT, BUG! This is your fault! Get your smug attitude outta here!

Scissors

[in unison] THAT'S ENOUGH! I am so sick of you! I will basket toss you outta here!

Rock

Guys, guys, relax. You're putting too much pressure on yourselves. All you have to do is learn the routine and end with the reverse triple corkscrew window wash.

Scissors

Oh, man, this is the best team we could assemble? Lou, Potato, Female Birthday Cop, Creepo the Stinkboy, Sal Garbanzo, and a polar bear.

Paper

No one even knows the routine! Also, Lou told me he just had a big meal.

Lou

[stuffed] I cannot move.

Scissors

Oh, great. Now we're gonna humiliate ourselves in front of the whole world. Robo Car Wash won't make the history books, and we're gonna let down Rock.

Scissors

[turns on the lights after he and his friends make hand shadows] Gotta admit, we're a pretty incredible trio.

Paper

Oh, I meant to ask… I was looking up other fun stuff for us to try. Wanna go cherry picking?

Rock

Sure!

Scissors

[dumbfounded] Cherry picking?! I'd rather sleep next to a grizzly bear with violent night terrors.

Paper

Oh. Well, then--

Scissors

I'd rather wear underwear made of porcupine needles. I'd rather attend a 9-hour recital of beginner violinists. I would rather run a 10K in a hailstorm, naked on hot coals, and then clean the elephant pen at the zoo with my bare hands!

Rock

My goodness!

One cherry picking trip later…

Scissors

[sitting in the sofa on his phone as his friends return] So, how was cherry picking? The pits? [snickers]

Rock

No, it was so much fun!

Paper

And we really bonded!

Scissors

You did?

Pencil

[entering the trio's apartment with Paper] Guys! Paper and I made a cloning device!

Paper

I did nothing and she knows it, but isn't she amazing?!

Pencil

Scissors, can we test it on your goldfish?

Scissors

[sitting on the sofa, sadly sulking] As long as you don't hurt her. Sometimes that little fish feels like the only thing that cares about me, that listens, that lets me finish my--

Paper

Great!

Rock

[walking up to him] What's wrong, buddy? Feeling sad that you're unemployed? Or out of shape? Or--

Scissors

Rock, stop guessing. [sighs sadly] I just got dumped… again. She said she didn't want to see me anymore for, quote, "too many reasons to list."

Rock

Hey, don't feel bad just 'cause a few women turned you down.

Scissors

600.

Rock

Just 'cause a few hundred women turned you down. You're one of the most lovable people I know, and my life is better because you're in it.

Scissors

[cheered up] Thanks, Rock. You're very good to me.

Scissors

Paper, you just don't get it.

Paper

Oh, come on! You guys aren't doing anything hardcore.

Rock

Sure we are. I'm crocheting a scarf.

Scissors

And I'm learning pointillism.

Paper

Fine. I can do those things too.

Rock

Paper, copying is not hardcore.

Scissors

Paper, you broke the rules of storytelling?

Rock

That's as hardcore as it gets!

Paper

Really? So I can get my old room back?

Rock

Yeah!

Scissors

Absolutely!

Paper

Great. Scissors, are you wearing Rock's shorts again?

Scissors

[wearing Rock's favorite pair of shorts] Uh, well, Mr. Parmesan was having so many parties. There was no time to do laundry. I mean-- [cut to him cramped up in Mr. Parmesan's mouse hole] This isn't fair! I can't fold like Paper can!

Scissors

Maya, I appreciate you checking on me, but I've felt great since I started figure skating. I think I can go without therapy for ten days.

[on the phone with Scissors while the taxi driver takes her and her husband to the airport] Are you sure? Because you have a history of not respecting my boundaries when I'm on vacation.

Scissors

[frantically] Paper made fun of my hair, and I need to talk about it right now!

I can't believe you flew to Morocco.

Scissors

I promise I'll be fine. I'll see you when you get back. [hangs up and nearly passes by the Rat Bros, who were already there, weightlifting]

Rat Bros

Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.

Logan

Hey, look at Mr. Glitter Pants! Are you gonna put on skates and glide around gracefully? [he and his brothers laugh teasingly]

Scissors

Yeah, that's what figure skating is.

Logan

You gonna zip and whoosh and whoop-de-doo?

Scissors

You're just saying nonsense in a bullying tone. [then runs away, crying like a baby, when Logan makes mockery nonsense at him]

Scissors, you can't come with me, but you'll be okay. I'm going to refer you to my colleague, Dr. Carnahan. I think you'll really like him.

Dr. Carnahan

[stepping out] Scissors?

Scissors

[thinking it's Logan in disguise; disbelieved] You gotta be kidding me.

Dr. Carnahan

So, Scissors, I understand you're dealing with a bully.

Scissors

Yes. Actively.

Dr. Carnahan

And how would you describe him? A malicious person or just not a very nice… bro?

Scissors

Is this a prank? Are there cameras here?!

Dr. Carnahan

How 'bout this? Let's pretend I'm your bully. [speaking in a British accent] 'Ello, Scissors. Ready for some verbal lashing?

Scissors

Why are you doing an accent?

Dr. Carnahan

I'm just guessing. I don't know this man.

Scissors

Okay, I am not doing this. [starts to walk out the door, about to leave]

Dr. Carnahan

Listen. Can I give you some advice? Oftentimes, bullying is a cry for help, so you have to figure out what your bully needs help with. Get him to open up. And you can do that by being vulnerable first.

Scissors

All right. If you think it'll work.

Logan

Hey, look. It's Mr. Glitter Pants!

Brogan

[laughs] It's even funnier the second time!

Scissors

You know, Logan, it hurts when you make fun of figure skating because it means a lot to me. When I first started, I couldn't even stand on the skates. But now, when I glide and spin on the ice, it reminds me just how much I can accomplish and the power I have inside. And every so often, time slows down, and I feel like I'm exactly who I want to be.

Logan

Scissors, I had no idea how important figure skating was to you. So I turned your ice rink into a pool for unshowered hairy guys.

Scissors

[talking to Dr. Carnahan, still believing it's Logan] What's your deal, man?! You're all supportive in here, but then I go out there, and this guy is nowhere to be found!

Dr. Carnahan

Well, it would be unprofessional if I saw you outside the office. [Scissors screams in irritation] I think you should open up to your bully again. Breaking down someone's walls takes time, and you may have planted a seed.

Scissors

[having enough] No! I am done with your traps! I'll find some other way to handle this. [thrives over to the door, starting to leave]

Dr. Carnahan

Wait. This bullying got worse when you started figure skating, right? Well, if I were to venture a guess, I think your bully's upset because your involvement in figure skating makes him… jealous. [voice-over during a flashback of a teenager Logan in his high school years] Perhaps he wanted to be a figure skater, too, but the other kids bullied him for doing an activity boys didn't really do at the time. And maybe he went to a bro-y school where the cool thing to do was wear backwards hats and lift weights. So in order to survive, he gave up what he loved most. [end of flashback] So I wonder if… and again, just guessing… your bully is taking out his childhood frustration on you for pursuing the dream he never could.

Scissors

[approaching the Rat Bros at the park] Hey, Logan, this is for ruining my skate rink! [runs away, stealing the cleaning wipes for their equipment]

Brogan

He took the wipes we use to clean the equipment!

Brody

We can't lift without those! IT'S UNSANITARY!

Logan

GET HIM! [he and his brothers chase after Scissors all the way downtown to the ice skating arena, and find him standing on the ice rink as the lights come on; surprised] There's another ice rink?

Scissors

There wasn't, but it turns out, unshowered hairy guys are great builders. I have an extra pair of skates. [takes out another pair of ice skates, begging Logan to come forth] You can be exactly who you want to be.

Scissors

I get it now. You wanted someone to help you figure skate again.

Logan

[baffled] Again? I've never figure skated in my life.

Scissors

What are you talking about? Isn't that why you bullied me? Wasn't this the cry for help?

Logan

No, I just bullied you 'cause I thought figure skating was for dorks. But this opened up so many emotional doors I didn't know I had. I should talk to a therapist about it. [cut to him visiting Dr. Carnahan's office, revealing they're both the same person]

Dr. Carnahan

Well, this clears up a lot.

Scissors

Hurry, Paper! Our 500 tubs of limited edition cheeseburger ice cream are melting!

Paper

I'm going as fast as I can, but I can't see through the clouds!

Rock

It's not gonna make it! We need to eat it all now!

Paper

Rock!

Scissors

NO!