EileenJoanne! I thought you were at the beach!
I was at the beach, until I realized something like this might happen! How could I enjoy the surf and sun knowing you could be here, messing with my TV?
Eileen
I'm sorry! I didn't think it-- [gasps as Joanne smacks the remote of her hand]
[to Eileen; threateningly] Next time, that remote will be your face. To clarify, next time I'll slap your face.
[End of flashback]
I didn't even make that up, that's exactly what happened.
Okay. [puts the snowglobe back in its place] So, I guess we shouldn't touch any of Joanne's stuff.
Yeah, I think we'd just put the flat-screen on the wall over here, it'll be cool.
[looks closely at Joanne's TV] I can't believe she still has one of these junky old Hanatronics. This must be first generation it's so old.
I told you, she's a beast. Her TV's probably too scared to die on her.
Where do we turn off next, Eileen?
Eileen
(while looking in her bag) Hold on, let me check the directions! (finds some trail mix) Trail Mix? Oh no! This is my recreation bag! I left the directions in my school bag by mistake!
(Takes the trail mix from Eileen) Wump-wump! (eats the trail mix)
Rigby, did you clean out the gutters yet?
No way. That's a two-man job.
I don't know. I haven't seen him.
Eileen
Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since C.J. dumped him at Muscle Man's wedding.
Yeah, no one has. He hasn't come to work for two weeks now. I tried calling, but he won't pick up.
What? No, here. I'll call him. [grabs his phone from inside the couch and speed dials Mordecai's number; a vibration is heard and he hears it from the couch; opens Mordecai's phone and saw 300+ missed calls from Benson] Huh, that's not like Mordecai.
[frustrated] I can't believe this! You don't even know where your best friend is?
Hey, I've been busy. [signs to which means hanging out with Eileen]
Look, I'm just concerned about the well-being about my employees as any park manager, but I've got a business to run in. If you don't find Mordecai and bring him back to work by tomorrow, then I'm gonna have to fire him.
[shocked] What?! [stands up on the couch] Wait! I can find him!
Well for your sake I hope so, otherwise you'll be cleaning the gutters solo from now on.
[answering a call from Eileen] Hello?
Eileen
Hey, I checked from Margaret. She hasn't seen or heard from Mordecai.
Yeah, his parents don't know where he is, either.
Eileen
And I don't think he'll be hanging out with C.J. anytime soon. Well, I'll start putting these flyers around town. Hopefully a hundred should be enough. [takes out flyers of Mordecai missing posters]
Well, I'll be privileging his personal stuff he doesn't like me touching, see ya. [hangs up; takes Mordecai's mattress off his bed and sees a note reading "Dumptown U.S.A."; picks up the note and reads it] "Dear Mordecai, stop wallowing in your lady woes and come have sodas…"
SSSad Sax
[narrating] "…With other single bros! There's a place with hot sandy beaches and an All-You-Can-Eat buffet! So pick up your sax and jam with the crew in Dumptown U.S.A.! Signed, Sad Sax."
[annoyed] Uh, Sad Sax Guy, I should have known! At Dumptown U.S.A.? That sounds so lame! I bet nobody's ever been to this place.
[off-screen] I have. [Rigby turns to him and later brings him into his office] Dumptown is a refuge for guys who have recently been dumped, a place where they can forget about their breakups and embrace their newfound single-hood.
Oh, no! Dumptown is great!
[shocked when he sees an angry Eileen after the other girls walk off] Eileen?!
Eileen
[angrily] Rigby!
BBraeden
How'd the old man land such a megababe?
Eileen
[blushing] Heh, well… [blushing fades; back to angry] No! You know, I don't like being lied to by my boyfriend. I missed the dance show to bring you soup! [runs off on her own]
Eileen, are you okay?! Did you fall down the rock hole?!
Eileen
I'm okay! But it's pitch-black down here. I don't know how to get out.
Eileen
Actually, it'd be better if you went to get help! [sighs after Rigby falls into the cave]
Eileen, I can explain! I was going to the hospital but I got lost!
Eileen
Rigby, I know you're not sick! Just tell me the truth!
[sighs deeply] Okay. I'm not just hangin' out in a cave with teens for fun. I... I never graduated from high school.
Eileen
Really?
This whole cave thing is just for school credits so I can graduate and get my diploma. I never cared until I saw the Eileen Plan, but now all I can think about is how you're gonna be the president, and I'm just gonna be some jerk you used to date.
Eileen
But I don't need a genius. I like you, just the way you are.
Eileen
Yeah. [she and Rigby both stand up and bump into each other; sighs] What are we gonna do? It's way too dark to find a way out.
[after watching an advertisement for Seeds of Agony by Jonno] Wow, that sounds crazy.
[laughs] Crazy enough to work!
Dude, what are you talking about?
[leans in closer to whisper] Can you guys keep a secret? I'm taking Eileen to see that tomorrow! And you guys are coming with! And, you're not gonna ruin the surprise!
It sounds a little intense.
And why's it gotta be a surprise? Is it a special occasion or something?
No, and that's the point! She'd be expecting something if it was. I've made her laugh, cry, scream with terror when she fell into that cave hole, all the big emotions. But she's too smart to be surprised!
If there's a mystery, she has to solve it. Whenever I try to surprise Eileen, she figures it out immediately. [Flashback to him dressed up in murder-mystery-style clothing and Eileen answers the door] Good evening, my lady. I'm here to warn you that trouble's afoot. You see, there's been a mur-
Eileen
[squeals with excitement] You're taking me to a murder mystery, right?
Eileen
Great! I already picked out a dress so we could go!
[Another flashback]
[carrying a telescope] Surprise! I'm taking you-
Eileen
To the conjunction of the Moon and Mars up on Lookout Mountain? I know! I'm so excited!
[Another flashback]
Eileen
You're taking me to the biannual mating season of the Hermit Crabs? You're the best!
[Back to the present]
She's smart like that, dude. So I thought of a plan so crazy she'll never figure it out. Will you guys help drive us around?
Dude, you're being kinda crazy, but at least it's a nice kind of crazy.
I think that's sweet Rigby. Of course we'll help you.
Eileen
[walks in room carrying a tray of celery and peanut butter] Who wants celery and peanut butter? Wait, I smell a surprise brewing.
Eileen
You're taking me to a movie after this.
[calling out] Eileen, what are you doing?!
Eileen
I told you-- I'm getting my scarf!
Stop lying! Just tell me what's wrong!
Eileen
I'll tell you what's wrong, the thrills, the chills, the spills-- snow tubing is not for me!
How do you know? You never tried it.
Eileen
I did try it. When I was little, I went snow tubing with my dad. [Flashback to that day] We tried to hit a jump... but the inertia worked against us. The cold air felt like death on my face. And then... [gasps] that's when I got THIS! [pulls down her sleeve, revealing a scar on her elbow arm]
What am I looking at exactly?
Eileen
A scar-- a bad one!
Eileen
Yeah. Ever since then, I've been afraid of snow tubing, I was just too embarrassed to tell you. I didn't wanna ruin the trip. I knew how much it meant to you.
You shouldn't be embarrassed. I freak out over small spaces all the time. I'm not ashamed of my mucastaphobia.
Eileen
[giggles] Claustraphobia. And you're right.
[Rigby and Eileen are both eating sandwiches at the cafe]
Hey, do you want to go with me to prom?
Eileen
I guess it's a chaperone?
Eileen
Totally, I never got to go since no one ever asked me.
[Rigby pulls up at Eileen's house in his dad's car, knocks on the door and Eileen answers it, in her prom dress]
Eileen
[as Rigby puts her prom corsage on her arm] Wow! Hydrangea macrophylia, my favorite! [surprised as she sees Sherm's car] Whoa. Who lent you that thing?
My dad. Pretty cool, right?
Eileen
Wow. That was nice of him. Let's go crazy like teens!
But not too crazy, you know, 'cause of my dad's car.
Eileen
[puzzled and confused] Hmm?
[As Rigby and Eileen drive to Lookout Mountain in Sherm's car…]
Eileen
Are you okay? It looks like you're stewing. Rigby, please tell me what you're stewing about.
My dad didn't loan me the car.
Eileen
What? You didn't… steal it, did you?
No, my mom gave me the keys. But it's my dad, you know? He doesn't trust me with anything. I was hoping he'd finally be ready to see me as a real person. [raises his hand and lowers it with each category he says about Sherm] It's always Don, car, everything else, me.
Eileen
I know how you feel. My mom can get pushy, too, but she still cares. I'm sure your dad cares, too. There's no way this is more important to him than your happiness.
TTony
Do you ever look out at the night sky and think about how each one of those stars represents the infinite possibilities of our lives?
Eileen
Why, yes, Tony, I do.
AAiden
Shove it, Tony! [laughs; to Rigby] Yo, Rigby, sweet wheels. They yours, bro?
AAiden
Uh, good luck, man.
Rigby… Oh, ho, ho, ho, Rigby. [to Eileen in the rear-view mirror] Eileen, close your ears. [Eileen puts on a pair of earmuffs; ratting out to Rigby, angrily, while driving down the mountain] I always knew you were a liar and a loser, but I never thought you'd be a thief! I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Seems like every day you find some new way to mess up our lives. And now, you found someone new to mess up their lives, too!
[having to have heard that; sharply] What?!
Eileen
LOOK OUT!
Dad, I do stuff like this all the time. Just let me help!
Of course you do stuff like this all the time! It's, uh… Uh… It's your fault we're here in the first place!
Dad, stop! It doesn't matter if I ever get a big job or my G.E.D. You're still never gonna trust me, and that's on you! You're so focused on your car, you never noticed me growing up! Also, it's totally your fault 'cause you were the one driving and you weren't watching the road! Now, give me the wheel!
No, it's my car! You'll crash it!
Eileen
I'm doing this for your own good, sir!
[as Eileen pulls him away from the driver's seat] NO!
Thanks, Eileen. [puts his seatbelt on and takes the wheel] I promise I won't mess this up.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
