Muscle Man Sorrenstein quotes from Regular Show

Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get sent here! They're flooding the mailbox!

Relax, man! It's natural.

Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.

Ugh! Just cancel it already!

Muscle Man

Yo, is my tax return in there?

No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!

View quote →

Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.

Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?

Muscle Man

You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?

Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately

MMMordecai and Muscle Man

Aw, what?

Aw, no way!

Muscle Man

Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.

Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?

No! A thing called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.

What if we call it a "small hole"?

JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!

View quote →

Aw, man. Dead end.

Well, we tried. Let's go back.

No, Rigby. We can't leave without the camera.

Dude, forget this. The camera's gone and we're running out of time. Benson's probably gonna fill up the hole before we even get back! Then we'll be trapped!

Muscle Man

Easy, bro! The dark is messing with your head. Now just calm down.

Don't touch me! I can't breathe! Dark spaces! Need air!

RORigby on the camera

DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Muscle Man

(laughing) That sound never gets old.

That wasn't me.

RORigby on the camera

DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Wait. It IS you, but... on the camera.

View quote →

I still can't believe they didn't invite me to the park managers' formal!

Muscle Man

You need to work on your networking skills, bro.

View quote →

You havin' fun, buddy? Enjoying your wings?

Muscle Man

Honestly, bro, they taste bittersweet. But I just wanted to have them-[sadly]-one last time.

[covering his eyes] I can't watch.

[places his hand on Rigby's shoulder] Don't look away, Rigby, look at him! Look at this…Muscle Man! This guy, from who we've all learned so much--from this guy, his joke telling, his loyalty…

[near-crying] I never wanted to be anyone's best friend, until I met you.

Muscle Man

You guys…

[stands up] No, let me finish! What we'll remember most about you more than anything else is- [holds in a vomit] Excuse me. Your passion, Muscle Man. Your passion! If you'll all join me.

View quote →

[after Muscle Man proposed to Starla and start kissing]

Wait, so Muscle Man was fine this whole time?

Muscle Man

I'm as healthy as can be.

Then what was all the stuff with Dr. Henry?

Muscle Man

I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.

[enraged] "Thanks?!" I BLEW TWELVE GRAND ON YOU TODAY!

Hi-Five Ghost

Do you even know what you put us through?!

Yeah, Muscle Man! We all thought you were gonna die!

Muscle Man

What are you talking about, bro?

You had an appointment with Death!

You had to get your papers in order?!

Muscle Man

My toilet papers. I had to fold 'em into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.

Death

[enters] And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.

Not cool, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man

Oh, come on! This is textbook engagement story. You shed your bachelor self before you get married and be a husband. All that death stuff was a metaphor.

[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] "I LEAVE THIS WORLD TONIGHT" IS NOT A METAPHOR!!

Muscle Man

Ohhh. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.

Next time you die, you're on your own!

[Everyone leaves disgusted, save for Benson]

[sternly] You owe me $12,000. [leaves]

Muscle Man

[at Hi-Five Ghost] You get it, don't you, bro?

Hi-Five Ghost

[beat, smiles] Best proposal ever!

View quote →

We get it! (to Mordecai) It's a good thing you're here. I'm gonna need you to help Rigby change the lightbulbs.

Oh, I can do that myself.

[sarcastically] Ha ha. Yeah, sure you can.

Yeah, I can! I help all the time!

[Everyone including Catra and Scorpia laughs at Rigby]

Why are you laughing?!

CCatra

It sounds even stupider the second time! Seriously? Tung Lashor? Pfft! Who came up with that?

SScorpia

[chuckles] Right? It's like, what, did you lose a bet?

Muscle Man

Yeah, bro, without Mordecai, you'd be totally useless.

Wha- Come on, Mordecai, tell him how useful I am!

Uhh...yeah, I mean, you're fun.

What? No, tell him I'm useful!

Yeah, you're my friend.

Why aren't you saying the word useful?!

Well, I mean there was the time with the chairs, the limousine, the pretzel. You're basically the opposite of useful pretty much anytime we do anything.

But we did those things together!

Yeah, I mean, you were there.

So the whole time I've been covering for you and CJ?

Well, I mean, it's the least you could do.

The least...I could.....I quit.

What?

I quit! I can get a paycheck anywhere!

[Everyone laughs at Rigby again]

Dude, you can't get a job without me. It's my references that got you this job in the first place.

Reference this! I'm gonna go out and get a job, and I'm gonna make money at that job. and that money's gonna come in the form of a check! And that check's gonna be in an envelope, and the envelope's gonna be sealed, and I'm gonna rub that sealed envelope all up in your face, Mordecai! PEACE!

[Rigby makes a raspberry noise from the park all the way to the Local Temp Agency]

View quote →

Rigby, staff meeting! Did you go in a pizza pouch bender again last night? Come on!

Last night? [gasps] Thomas!

Guys, it finally happened. I met the perfect girl. Her name is Natalie, and she's a preschool teacher. I'll be showing her around the park today. So your only duties are to leave us alone. Just leave me and Natalie alone, people.

[Rigby raises his hand]

No, you can't use the bathroom, Rigby.

That's not what I was gonna sa—

[interrupts Rigby] You know, Rigby has a point. What about Audrey?

We broke up. Remember?

[Everyone can't remember]

Pops

I don't recall.

I was sad for months? I loafed around the house? [scoffs] Muscle Man and Pops, you took me to get ice cream. Skips, you made me train for that marathon. In fact, all you guys had a role in my lengthy healing process.

I don't remember any of this.

[yells] SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS! [calmly] Today is Thomas' last day. Now keep this under wraps, guys, 'cause I want to surprise him. At the end of the day, I'm offering Thomas a full-time job!

[Everyone cheers except Rigby]

Muscle Man

Oh, yeah, I can't wait to see look on his face when he sees how I prank the new hires!

You know, we don't normally hire interns. But Thomas is really killing it lately. Killing it in the Park!

View quote →

That's not true! I never did that stuff even though it was my responsibility.

Muscle Man

Like I said, I get it. […] I used to kick the leaves everywhere after I rake them so Benson might think you were slacking off.

View quote →

[interrupting] Muscle Dad is right! Finding the right person is hard. You know, for a while, I've been telling myself there's no such thing as soul mates, but now I'm not so sure. Look at Muscle Man and Starla. [pans to the couple as they look at each other] It's like they were designed for each other. [cuts to Mordecai with the wedding crowd in front of him] So where's my soul mate? Are they in this room? It could be anyone. [points towards Quips and Monica] Maybe it's you. [points at an old lady] Maybe it's that really old lady, I don't know!

[whispers angrily] Why are you talking?!

Oh, uh, right. My point is, I...

[stammers] I don't know if there's one perfect person out there for me, but I know that for a long time, I've been ignoring my gut. [cut to CJ, who’s look of shock turns into a glare] Because I didn't wanna hurt anyone, but instead of saving their feelings, it's just made everyone around me miserable. For the first time, I'm gonna take Rigby's advice. [walks over to CJ] CJ, I need to tell you--

[stands up in an embarrassed manner] Mordecai, just stop! I already know what you're gonna say, so save it.

I--

(tears welling) You don't know who your soul mate is?

(sighs) Here. (She hands him the charm bracelet from "Real Date") You didn't even point in my direction.

CJ!

Muscle Man

[angry] Yo, Mordo, if you're finished hijacking my wedding, is it okay if we get married now?

Starla

[angry] The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can start up these fryers!

Oh, uh, sorry. (runs off)

View quote →

And Mordecai and Rigby, let's have you pick up trash by the snack bar.

Ugh! Again?

Don't worry, this is the last time you'll be on trash duty for a while.

Awesome! Wait, we're not getting another intern, are we? Because I don't think I can handle another spy situation.

No, I've actually got some very big news about your dome-estic situation! (everybody stares at him) Hopefully it won't cause any pan-dome-onium! (everybody continues to stare) Dome you have any ideas about what's going to happen? (everybody is still staring) No one, huh? Well, since I have to spell it out for you, Maellard's decided to seal off the park in a dome to create a contained ego-system! A group of scientists from the government are going to study it for a whole month!

Muscle Man

Bro, have would we ever have guessed that?

A whole month? Where are we supposed to go?

You'll have to move out, the dome's dropping tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?

Pops

Why aren't you more upset about the inconvenience?

Because I don't live at the park.

So we can stay at your place?

Heh, well, my place, while officially a one bedroom, (the wind starts blowing strong) feels more like a studio. So there isn't really any room! (he looks up and sees a dome coming down onto the park)

It's not tomorrow! It's today! They're sealing the park today!

View quote →

MDr. Matthews

Mm. Looks like everything's normal.

Muscle Man

I just have one question for you, doc. Who's this guy? [points to Hi Five Ghost, laying next to him, cheerfully smiling]

[The Park workers gasp in horrified shock that Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost don't know each other]

Hi. I'm Hi Five Ghost. I actually work at the Park, too. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.

Whoa! You guys really don't remember each other?!

Muscle Man

What are you talking about, Mordecai? Why should we?

Yeah, I mean, how can I remember someone I just met?

How bad is it, doctor?

MDr. Matthews

They're suffering from a very specific form of amnesia--one that only targets the memories of their friendship.

Muscle Man

We're friends?

Is it treatable?

View quote →

Muscle Man

[on video tape] Fives, I put on too much tanning oil, and now I can’t get up!

[on video tape] Don’t worry! I’ll help! [tries to pull Muscle Man back up on his feet and he falls on his front]

Pops

Wow! What wonderful memories! [chuckles nervously]

I, uh…I think I'm gonna call it a night, if that's okay. Thanks. [floats to the front door and leaves]

View quote →

♪ Animal olives were packed in a jar… ♪

LFLow Five Ghost

[knocking on the door and opens] Hey, bro. Cool song. Muscle Man's at the door.

[sighs and floats to the front door, where Muscle Man is standing, soaking wet] Yes?

Muscle Man

Bro, I know I don't seem very cool. But there's gotta be a reason we were such good friends, and I don't want to lose that.

View quote →

[everyone is complaining that they're in space now]

WHY AM I STILL WEARING THIS THING?! [takes it off and breaks it]

There's no cell service.

Muscle Man

[whining] I need to call my wife, how am I gonna call my wife?! [sees that his phone has no service]

Eileen

[watches the Earth far away] Be careful what you write in your dream journal, Eileen. You might just get it.

Hi-Five Ghost

Oh, no! I'm lost forever! We're going to starve to death and die!

We gotta press the button again!

[grabs Rigby] No! We gotta calm-

[Rigby jumps off Mordecai and press the button]

[pressing the button while he's whining] GO BACK! GO BACK! GO BACK! GO BACK! My high school graduate, I'm too young to die in space!

[everyone is still complaining]

Stop! [calms down everyone] Everybody, calm down. We've done this before guys. Last time we got trapped in the dome, we panicked. Right? But then we banned together and figured it out. We can't fall apart now. We are going to figure out how to get home. But we have to survive first. All we have to do is to make it one day at a time,

Mordecai is right, we'll handle this like we handle everything else, with a morning meeting.