Muscle Man, there is no way you're gonna pull this off.
Muscle ManI swear, I've done it, before.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Pffffft.
Muscle Man
Watch me!
(Muscle Man lights up two gun lighters and lights up two fireworks. The two fireworks shoot up in the air, they bump and explode. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost watch the fireworks.)
MMMordecai, Muscle Man, and Hi-Five Ghost
Whooooa...
[The tiny spark from the fireworks itself lights up all the fireworks. They look back, and then the fireworks explode. All of the fireworks goes up and explode all at the same time. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost look at the fireworks, while all of this is going on, Benson appears on the scene. Benson looks at the fireworks exploding, and the grand finale explodes with the words "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!" Benson turns red, clearly enraged by what he has seen, he gets out the cart and goes up to them.]
(to Muscle Man) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!
Muscle Man
We were just—
[angrily corners Muscle Man who backs away]WHY WOULD YOU LIGHT UP ALL THE FIREWORKS BEFORE THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR?!?!
Muscle Man
Just hang on now, Benson! I know this looks bad, but I can fix it.
[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] Fix it?! FIX WHAT?!?!?! YOU JUST RUINED THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!!
Muscle Man
I know! I know! Just hear me out. I know a guy who's got the hookup on cheap fireworks.
[screaming in Muscle Man's face that blasts his hair]I DON'T WANT CHEAP FIREWORKS!!!! THAT STUFF YOU JUST BLEW UP WAS TOP OF THE LINE!!!!!!!!
Muscle Man
Benson, trust me. This guy's stuff is quality. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket.
[furiously throws Muscle Man to the ground]Alright, fine! But if you guys aren't back before the show starts at sundown, YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!! (Angrily drives Off)
Dude, you better be able to get those Fireworks.
This wasn't the deal! You guys were supposed to replace the ones that you set off this morning. That's it. I'm calling it off! You guys are all FIRED!
Alright, you guys. Somehow, you managed to top last year's firework show, so I guess I'm not gonna fire you.
MRMordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost
Yeah! / Alright.
In fact, I'm putting you 4 in charge of a very special job.
Oh, cool! What special job?
(turning red) REPLACING THE 3 FOOTBALL FIELDS WORTH OF GRASS YOU JUST BURNT!!!
[Benson and Skips walk away]
Muscle Man
Don't worry. I know a guy who's got the hookup on real cheap sod.
Muscle Man
Oh, man. [picks up the phone] Starla would love this! [remembers he can't contact her and hangs up] Relax, Muscle Man. You gotta give your lady her space. [takes out a van magazine to read, a lady on one turns into Starla]
Mitch, why aren't you calling to tell me about this?
Muscle Man
[screams and tosses the magazine] Get it together, man! Get it together. [picks up a bag from Wing Kingdom; takes a tray of chicken nuggets out and dips one in sauce and hallucinates it as Starla] Huh?
CNChicken Nugget Starla
I miss you, Mitch.
[Muscle Man screams horrifyingly and tosses the nugget to a mop water puddle which turns into Starla's face]
MWMop Water Starla
Are you trying to ignore me?!
Muscle Man
NO!
WSWatermelon Starla
Oh, really? Then why haven't you called?
Muscle Man
But you said if I did, we'd have to break up! [looks out his window]
CSCloud Starla
Mitch. I didn't mean it.
BBBowling Ball Starla
Just pick up the phone.
SSStarla's Voice
Mitch, I miss you.
[Muscle Man freaks out and runs out of his trailer, screaming]
Muscle Man
Dudes! Dudes, I need your help!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill out, Muscle Man.
Muscle Man
This isn't the time for soda! This "Starla" thing is freaking me out! I see her everywhere! In my soup, in my chicken nuggets, it's driving me crazy! If I don't get some help, I'm gonna call her and she's gonna dump me!
Dude, it's only for the weekend. We'll help you through this.
Muscle Man
Thanks, guys.
You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.
Yeah, Skips. What are we playing?
Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.
Muscle Man
Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?
I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin Quips.
Your cousin Quips is annoying.
Yeah, man. He's always telling lame jokes.
What are you guys talking about?
Come on. Every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.
Yeah. Some joke that isn't funny.
Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.
QQuips
And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, 'cause I got to go. What? Hey, wait! I didn't even get to finish my punchline! Aw, well. He's probably already heard my routine. Heeey, who's ready for some funny?
You guys all remember my cousin Quips.
QQuips
Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya", what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "Sea ya later!" (laughs)
QQuips
Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water and the sea is also—
QQuips
A little more care will give you a little more hair. Zingo!
QQuips
Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment. Don't get a big head. Oops! Too late! Zammo! And, of course, Muscle Man, you love the jokes. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?
Muscle Man
We didn't say anything.
QQuips
What did the lake say to the puddle?
Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.
QQuips
Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo!
Dude, he's even worse than last time.
Yeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get out of here.
I can't just do that. I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.
That's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!
Ugh! Alright, fine. I'll tell him soon.
QQuips
Wow, guys. Those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me. Why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!
[In the kitchen; Muscle Man calls K.I.L.I.T. Radio on the phone]
PMPhone monitor
Hello, this is K.I.L.I.T Radio.
Muscle Man
Yeah, I'd like DJ Donny G to play my...
PMPhone Monitor
To talk to a K.I.L.I.T representative, press 0. (Muscle Man presses 0) Are you calling in regard to a song you heard?
Muscle Man
No, I wanna talk to somebody! (presses 0 several times) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!
PMPhone Monitor
I'm transferring you to our bilingual system.
Muscle Man
NO! (Presses 0 Again) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!
SLSpanish/Latin phone monitor
Hola. llamas la Radio K.I.L.I.T.
Muscle Man
(moves table & chair and groans) I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!! (hits phone madly on the table, screaming in anger, Then Mordecai & Rigby come to Muscle Man)
Dude, Muscle Man, calm down!
Muscle Man
UUUUGHH!!! I'm a failiure of a boyfriend! I can't even do something special for my girl!
Why don't we just go down to the radio station and find somebody to talk to?
Yeah, maybe someone there can help you.
Muscle Man
You're right, bros. I need to take this to the source.
Muscle Man
Yeah, we totally got the hook up from Donny G! Man, I can't wait to see Starla's face tonight. She's gonna be really appreciative. (Sees Donny G throw away the tape in his rearview mirror) [Gasps] OH NO BRO!
(Muscle Man gets out of the car,slamming the door behind him)
Muscle Man
YO DONNY! (Closes car door and begins running towards Donny G) DONNY G!!!
DGDonny G
Look man, it's not what you think.
Muscle Man
It is what I think! Cause I saw you! I used to think that you were cool! You know something, I see D-player could do your job! But you know what, I still have a voice. (Takes the tape out of the trash can) And this voice, on this tape won't be silenced on YOU!
Muscle Man
I SAID I WON'T BE SILENCED!
DGDonny G
Okay, okay. (glances at the security cameras warily) But, we can't talk here.
[Jack asks V.I.C.K.I. to shut down the arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushes Mordecai and Rigby to save their lives, and V.I.C.K.I. destroys his car]
JJack
Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?
JJack
Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]
Thanks for saving us, Benson!
Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!!
[Mordecai and Rigby groan, as Benson leaves in fury]
He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--
[sighs] Yeah, let's get started.
Oh Mordecai, check this out.
[they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]
Muscle Man
Told you my guy was good.
[all the park members, sans Benson and Rigby ambush Johnny Allenwrench with axes, and hack him to pieces. The camera pans out to see Benson and Rigby watching the whole process]
Rigby, you're getting ALL the promotions.
PROMOTION!
Muscle Man
Wait, did he just say Rigby was getting ALL the promoti-?
THE END
[Mordecai, Skips, Muscle Man, and Hi-Five Ghost all turn to Rigby, very annoyed]
Way to rope us into your mess.
Muscle Man
If my future at Wing Kingdom is at stake because of you, [jabs his finger into Rigby's chest; threateningly] that $36,000 will be the least of your problems.
[plugs microphone] ♪Yeah. Set up the chairs and wipe off the tables Plug in the mic, but don't trip on the cables Blow up the balloons and blow out the candles at stunt-themed parties you don't wanna wear sandals! Check your invitation, Park's the location When the clock strikes ten it's time for celebration Timmy's birthday party, yo! It's the big one, oh! Timmy, Timmy Ti-Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Timmy Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Ti-Ti Timmy! Woooooooaaaaaaah!♪
(Mordecai and Rigby laugh)
I can't believe he's already turning ten.
Muscle Man
Seriously. We watched that kid grow up, bro.
[flashback to Timmy's first birthday]
AAll
Happy birthday, Timmy!
TTimmy
[licks his cake, then he smothers his face in it]
Everyone laughs
[We are then shown Timmy at his pirate-themed party]
TTimmy
[stands on the plank] Guys, guys! Check it out! I'm gonna walk the plank like a real pirate! [jumps off the plank into the ball pit] Arrgh!
RMRigby and Muscle Man
[laugh]
[Cut to Timmy's astronaut-themed party]
And the winner of the astronaut ice cream-eating contest is....Timmy!
TTimmy
You guys always make my birthdays the best!
[flashback ends]
[puts on the party hat] Man, Timmy's parties just keep getting better every year.
[carries the presents] Yeah. We gotta make sure this stuntman party is the best one yet.
[on mobile phone] What do you mean a real stuntman job? But it's a stuntman-themed party! What are we supposed to tell our client?! [ticked off] Well, you can say goodbye to your complimentary fountain sodas, and YOU'LL NEVER STUNT IN THIS PARK AGAIN, MR. HAZARD! [furiously hangs up and angrily throws his phone]
Is everything okay, Benson?
[angrily turns to Mordecai and screams at him] No, everything is not okay! The stuntman cancelled, and Timmy's party is ruined!
But Timmy's counting on us!
I know. But where am I supposed to find a stuntman this late in the game?
Muscle Man
Well, I might know a guy who...actually no. I don't know any stuntmen. Aah! You're losing it, Mitch!
[angrily grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] That's it! We have to cancel Timmy's party!
[stops Benson from throttling Muscle Man] No, wait!
Yeah. Maybe one of us can do the stunt.
[grabs Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] No, it has to be a licensed stuntman. Our insurance doesn't cover amateurs.
Well, how hard is it to get a license?
[crosses his arms] Hard. The success rate at Stuntman College is only 25%, and you guys aren't exactly stuntman material.
But if it's 25%, then one of us should be able to do it, right?
[turns red] You think you'll beat the odds like that in one day?
Muscle Man
If that's what it'll take to make Timmy happy, then we'll do it!
Rigby: Yeah. It's the only chance we have.
We're done with all the party prep. I'll enroll us right now.
Okay, but one of you better come back with a stuntman license, or else Timmy's birthday or probably his life are gonna be ruined.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
