Mordecai quotes from Regular Show

Benson

Is that a party I hear?!

Mordecai

Uh, no, that's the TV.

Benson

OH YEAH?! I CAN HEAR MUSIC COMING FROM THE HOUSE! I think I'm gonna come down for a little visit! SEE YOU SOON!

Mordecai

Pops. Yo, Pops. I found your Mustache Monthly. (Puts Pops' Moustaches Monthly on a chair and turns his head around, before seeing Pops, just out of the shower and naked.) AAAAAGH!

Pops

Aaaaagh!

Mordecai

Aaaaagh!

Pops

Aaaaagh!

Mordecai

Aaaaagh! (In all the confusion, he now catches a glimpse of Pops' "junk mail".)

Pops

Aaaaagh! (Pops covers his "junk mail" with his hat. Mordecai covers his eyes. They both try to leave but they're in each other's ways".)

Mordecai

(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...

Pops

(breathing) Uh... uh... uh... uh...

Mordecai

Stop playing for a second. When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.

Rigby

Yeah, so?

Mordecai

And he didn't have a towel.

Rigby

Ewww!

Mordecai

I tried not to look and just give him the magazine, but I saw his...

Rigby

His junk mail? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Mordecai

No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...

Rigby

Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!

Mordecai

This is your fault! You have to help me!

Rigby

I'll help you to forget it if you promise to stop talking about it.

Mordecai

Deal.

Rigby

If this doesn't take your mind off of Pops, nothing will.

Mordecai

What, coffee? Thanks, dude, but I don't see how...

Rigby

(turns Mordecai's face to the other way) No, dude. Margaret.

Margaret

(While taking an order) So, that's 2 sandwiches and one soda.

Rigby

Hmmm? Hmmm?

Mordecai

Alright.

Rigby

(while shaking Mordecai) Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm? Hmmm?

Mordecai

(pushes Rigby) All right. It worked.

Margaret

Hey, guys! (Mordecai stares dreamily at her until seeing her face looks like Pops) Can I get you something to drink, Mordecai?

Mordecai

Aaaaargh! (runs away)

Rigby

Trust me, man. This will make you forget.

Mordecai

(covering his eyes) No, no. I'm not looking at anything ever again. Every time I open my eyes, I see Pops naked.

Rigby

Just give it a chance.

Mordecai

No! (Rigby grabs Mordecai's arms.)

Rigby

Look at it! Look at it! Look at it!

Mordecai

Get off! I'm not looking at a stupid-- (Mordecai opens his eyes wide and sees Planet Chasers: Starlight Excellent)

Rigby

Yes!

Rigby

Coooool!

Rigby

Did it work?

Rigby

Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops! Awesome! Dude, it totally worked! Up high! Let's... get you some coffee.

Mordecai

It's gone! Naked Pops is gone! I don't remember it anymore!

Benson

What did you guys do? What is this mess? I can't even take a shower around here without you guys screwing things up--

Mr. Maellard

Snacks disappearing from the snack bar, holes in the walls — $500 worth of prank phone calls?! It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beenteen?

Benson

But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. It's right here on my report.

Mr. Maellard

Are you my park manager, Beanteen?

Benson

Yes, sir.

Mr. Maellard

Then everything that happens here is your fault!

Benson

Well... yes, technically, but—

Mr. Maellard

Say it.

Benson

...Everything that happens here is my fault.

Mr. Maellard

MY CAR!!

Mordecai

Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you I can drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.

Rigby

I told you that you should've let me be the one to park it!

Mr. Maellard

Why are they driving my car when I specifically TOLD YOU TO PARK IT?!!

Benson

I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.

Mordecai

Uhh, this is getting a little awkward, so we're gonna take off. [backs away]

Benson

Wait!!

Mr. Maellard

That's it! Emergency meeting tomorrow! Things are going to change around here.

Mr. Maellard

I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work, so let me make this brief. Beancan, you're being demoted.

Benson

What?!

Mr. Maellard

Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.

Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I'd like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.

Benson

What?!

I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So, Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north end fountain. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty. Mordecai and Rigby AND Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.

Benson

What?!

Mordecai

Come on, Benson! We gotta rake these leaves, dude.

Benson

I can't do this.

Mordecai

Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.

Benson

...This is horrible.

Mordecai

No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.

Rigby

Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.

Benson

Ahah! This is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.

Mordecai

It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.

Rigby

Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.

Benson

I DON'T FEEL LIKE RAKING NOW, OKAY?!

Rigby

I'm just sayin'...

Benson

What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!

Mordecai

Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away.

Benson

Yeah, right! Like anyone would ever fall for that!

Rigby

It always worked on you!

Benson

Agh, fine! As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves!

Benson

[laughs] I feel great!

Mordecai

See? I told you all you needed was a break! Now do you feel like getting back to work?

Benson

[laughs] No!

Mordecai

Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually!

Benson

Yeah, right! I'm never working again!

Mordecai

No, seriously, we have to go back to work. Susan's coming.

Benson

Hah! What's she gonna do?

Why aren't you all working?

Mordecai

[nervously] Oh! Uh...we were just washing Maellard's car! Haha, see, we're washing it! Hahah...! Come on, Benson, we're washing the car now.

Benson

I'm not washing the car.

Benson, why aren't you working?

Benson

[lazily] Cause I don't feel like it.

Get back to work, or I'll fire you.

Benson

Yeah? Do it!

Excuse me?!

Benson

I've wasted my whole life at a dead-end job, and I'm not wasting another second working for you. So go ahead and fire me.

Okay, Benson, YOU'RE FIRED!

Benson

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!

Mordecai

Uh, actually Benson, we need this.

Rigby

Yeah, we need the money, man.

Benson

Oh, well, suit yourselves, I guess, but my life is happening right now, and I'm gonna go live it! Sayonara, suckers! WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOO, WOOO!

[angrily] You two! Get back to work! Faster! And you, sweep those stairs! And you, with the big head, finish those windows! Faster, faster, faster, faster, FASTER! [Susan walks away from the cart as two of them work.] Rigby l don't want to work for Susan. Mordecai [Somewhow grew blonde hair tied back in a bun, like Susan.] Dude l know. [Zoom closer into Mordecai's head.] Mordecai, Rigby said.

Mr. Maellard

Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work.

Benson

Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!

Mordecai

Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?

Rigby

Yeah-yuh!

Benson

Ahhh... It's good to be back.

Mordecai

[reads Darthon manual] "Your party walks down a long hallway and reaches a locked door. What do you do?"

Muscle Man

I smash it open with my war claw! Then, a bunch of ladies come out and they're all, "Ooh, Muscle Man! Quit pinching my butt with your war claw!"

Rigby

[reads] "Roll the 50-sided die to see if you unlock the door."

Skips

All we have is a 48-sided die and two marbles.

Rigby

Close enough. [Muscle Man chucks the die and marbles]

Muscle Man

Huh! [the die and marbles roll onto the floor] Did it work?

Rigby

Uhh... I don't think so.

Muscle Man

This blows!

Pops

Mordecai, Mordecai! [western accent] Well, I reckon I'd like a turn now!

Mordecai

Cyborg cowboys take three days to awaken from hypersleep. Sorry, Pops.

Pops

Oh...

Skips

Can't he cast a saving throw?

Mordecai

U-uh...

Benson

What does all this stuff mean? Are we even IN Darthon yet?

Mordecai

Uhh...

Benson

Or is that just an artifact or something?

Mordecai

Uhh... [shuts book] "Your party is suddenly ambushed by a flock of man-bats!" Skips the Mighty gets first strike.

Skips

[rolls die and marbles] Hi-yah!

Rigby

Let's see. Pirate samurai have +2 constitution, -3 charisma, divide by number of geese... Do we have a protractor?

Benson

I'm outta here.

Muscle Man

Worst game night ever!

Rigby

Aah!! Dude, they're RIGHT! This game sucks!

Mordecai

Let's get our money back.

Pops

Mordecai, Rigby!

Mordecai

Pops! Where have you guys been?

Benson

We were hiding in the armor closet, then suddenly we were in the stock room at Shoe Farm.

Rigby

Good thing it was worth it! Seven bones, baby!

Benson

$7.00?[outraged] WE ALMOST DIED FOR $7.00?!!

Rigby

The numbers aren't important!

Mordecai

It was the principle.

Rigby

Yeah, if we're gonna spend that kinda money, it's gotta be on a COOL game!

Mordecai

Yeah, something like "Trail of Elderitch" or "The Lair of Anthelon".

Rigby

Dude, is that out?

Mordecai

Yeah, it came out last week.

[run back into store] Yeah-hah!

Mordecai

[picks up the dirty leaves and puts them into a bucket] Augh! This is the worst.

Rigby

I don't know, I kind of like it up here. The world seems different at this height. It makes me feel like a giant! [roars]

Mordecai

What? Look, we're not up here to enjoy the view, so will you just come and help me clean these gutters?

Rigby

I'm helping, I'm holding the hose. Look, I'm taking a giant leak. [positions the hose to his crotch, turns it on and pretends to pee while moaning]

Mordecai

Yeah, well, you don't need those gloves to hold the hose. (holds up hands) Look at this dude. Come on, let me wear them!

Rigby

Sorry, man, you should have thought about that before you threw paper, and lost to my scissors.

Mordecai

[facepalms] Augh! Whatever, dude. Just hose this stuff off.

Mordecai

[annoyed] Agh! What the heck?!

Rigby

Uh, sorry man.

Mordecai

[picks up and inspects the dirty tape] Weird, it's a tape. Wonder what it's doing up in the gutter.

Rigby

Maybe it fell out of a plane.

Mordecai

Nah, it's probably just trash. I wanna see how far I can chuck it.

Rigby

Wait!

Mordecai

What?

Rigby

Don't you wanna see what band it is?

Mordecai

Oh, okay. [uses his thumb to wipe the dirt off of the tape, revealing the words "Solid Bold"] Solid Bold? [gets annoyed] Augh, it's that single of that summertime song.

Rigby

"Summertime Loving: Loving in the Summer (Time)"?

Mordecai

[looks at the tape] Yeah.

Rigby

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! [runs up to Mordecai and grabs the tape] Aw, this is my jam right here!

Mordecai

[annoyed] What? This song sucks.

Rigby

Nah, you were all into it too, I remember.

Mordecai

Yeah, just for that one summer in junior high and then I realized how lame it was.

Rigby

Whatever, man. Once we pop this into the stereo, all the good memories will come flooding back, and you'll see. You'll see who's jam it is.

Mordecai

[turns his back on Rigby and crosses his arms] I'm not listening to that trash.

Rigby

You need to get your mind out of these gutters, and into the summer.

Mordecai

Fine, but only because I want to take a break.

Rigby

[putting tape in the stereo and turns on the song and dances to it] Yea-uh!

♪It's summertime, and you know what that means. Gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things. It's summertime and it feels just right. Gonna gather all my friends and we'll party through the night. It's summertime, lo-o-ovin'. Lovin' in the summertime. (It's summertime) Summertime lo-o-ovin'. Baby, why can't you be mine?♪

Rigby

Okay, this song's lame.

Mordecai

I told you, man. [turns off the steero]

Rigby

I guess some stuff just doesn't hold on.

Mordecai

Now, you're making sense! And now, I'm making snacks.

[eating sandwiches]

Rigby

♪It's summertime... (eats sandwich) Lo-o-ovin'... (eats again) Loving in the summertime.♪

Mordecai

What are you doing?

Rigby

(obliviously) What?

Mordecai

You're singing that song.

Rigby

I am?

Mordecai

[annoyed] Yes, please stop. It's annoying.

Rigby

I guess it's pretty catchy. Summertime lo-o-ovin'. Baby, why can't you be mi-

Mordecai

[covers Rigby's mouth] Dude!

Rigby

Gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things-

Mordecai

[covers Rigby's mouth] Dude!

Rigby

It's summertime lo-o-o-

Mordecai

[covers Rigby's mouth] Dude! Quit it!

Rigby

[takes Mordecai's hand off his mouth] I'm sorry, I can't help it! It's stuck in my head, and I can't get it out!

Mordecai

Well, for my sanity and yours, we gotta get that song outta there.

Rigby

Yeah, okay.

Mordecai

I've got an idea: Brain Explosion!

Rigby

What!? You can't explode my brain! That's gotta be illegal!

Mordecai

(holds up CD) No, the band, Brain Explosion.

Rigby

Oh, never heard of them.

Mordecai

And that's why you've never heard of them. But trust me, these guys are like real, real musicians. Just listen to some of this, and it'll throw that poppy trash music right out of your head.

Mordecai

Wait, wait... [the weird synthy noise plays again] Aw man, that's like the best part! [Mordecai notices Rigby sleeping, and angrily glares at him] RIGBY!

Rigby

[startled] Lovin' in the summertime! What? Ah, I think your song just put me to sleep.

Mordecai

Man, you have no taste in music.

Rigby

Look, all I know is that this song is still stuck in my head.

Mordecai

Alright, well, what if we sit down and listen to the entire summertime song beginning to end? That way your brain'll have closure and then it can move on.

Rigby

[turns on the stereo]

It's summertime and you know what that means. Gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things.

Mordecai

[walks out of room] I can't stand this, I'm gonna wait outside.

It's summertime and it feels just right

Mordecai

[opens the door] Well, did it work?

Rigby

[singing] I think it worked, but I can't be sure.

Mordecai

[pulls his hair] Aw, man! It's even worse now! Time to take a different approach.

Rigby

Wait. Stop. Stop. It's not working. The stupid song's still stuck in my head.

Muscle Man

You have a song stuck in your head? [at this, Rigby throws the helmet]