(trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (He says "tough guy" repeatedly).
(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime.)
FFists
They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)
GGangster
You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall.)
FFists
The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (He's about to punch him, but then, the taxi comes and shines its lights on him and the gangster.)
BTBritish Taxi
Ello, gov'nor!
Fists screams before taxi drives into Fists and gangster.
(Screams awake again as he jumps into Mordecai's arms.)
Mordecai(Groans angrily with his hands crunching) What the heck, Rigby?!
[his teeth chatters and quivers in fear] It's that stupid British taxi! It's all inside my brain!
Mordecai
[drops Rigby off his arms] Ugh, I knew it. I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie.
I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Mordecai
Ah, all right, dude, we're just gonna desensitize you the horror. We're gonna watch Ello Gov'nor over and over again, until you stop being scared.
[later, in the living room]
Mordecai
[as he pushes Rigby against the screen] Look at it! Look at it! It's not real! You can see the microphone showing!!
Mordecai
LOOK AT IT!!
Mordecai
I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!
Mordecai
Look at it.
Mordecai
LOOK AT IT!! Look...at it...you look at it, you...look at it...
Let... me GO!! (Throws the cover)
What the heck is going on?!
Mordecai
Rigby's just freaked off by this stupid dumb British movie we watched.
Well, you'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.
Mordecai
Cricket?
Yeah. I'm trying new things.. So what.
Mordecai
(gasps) Will British people be there?
It's cricket. What do you think?
Mordecai
All right, dude. I'll go to the movies with you. Just call it of with her.
[scoffs] Yeah, right. I'm not going with you. You had your chance to ask her and you blew it. YOU BLEW IT!
Mordecai
[groans] Come on, dude...just give me another chance.
Okay...I'll give you another chance if you admit that you're jealous.
Mordecai
No!! I'm not jealous!
Then I guess I'm still going out with Margaret! OOOOOOHHHHH! YOU BLEW IT AGAIN, YOU BLEW IT AGAIN!
[As Mordecai runs around the house swiping all the clocks, preventing Rigby to see the time]
Mordecai
[covering the time on the microwave] Call it off with her.
You're jealous, Mordecai! It's all over your face!
Mordecai
MY FACE ISN'T JEALOUS! [quickly shoves all the clocks into the microwave]
Dude, what are you doing?! You can't do that!
Mordecai
Can't do what? This? [slams the microwave door shut and starts it as all the clocks start to melt] Now you'll never be on time for your date!
[leaps onto Mordecai's shoulder, tackling him] Give me back those clocks!
Mordecai
NO!
What's your problem?! Why do you have to be jealous all the time!
Mordecai
Shut up! This is all your fault! I finally get a chance to ask out Margaret, but you had to butt in and ruin everything!
No, I didn't! I just wanted to see Zombie Dinner Party with my bro, who flaked on me, for some girl who doesn't even know he exists!
Mordecai
[enraged] I'LL KILL YOU!
Mordecai
[after seeing all the times he was jealous of Rigby throughout the entire episode through the Truth Hole] It's true, I am jealous of Rigby, and even though he's annoying, he's still my best friend. You're right Father Time, I deserve to be trapped here.
[After Benson leaves his office with the Book of Park Records…]
[disappointed] Aw, man. I didn't get to write the ending.
Mordecai
Whatever, dude. It's not like anyone is gonna believe that stuff. Just be glad we didn't get caught.
Ugh. It's so hot. I can't stop sweating.
Mordecai
Dude, is it just me or does being appreciated blow?
Yeah, man. It's not worth it.
[showing up in the cart] Mordecai, Rigby, did you hear? There's to be a blizzard this afternoon!
Mordecai
But it's the middle of Summer.
I know, but look! [shows them tennis rackets tied to his feet] I've already donned my snowshoes. [drives off]
Pfft, snow? Sounds like more crazy Pops talk to me, right?
Mordecai
Yeah.
[They both laugh, but not for long when a giant blizzard suddenly appears out of nowhere]
Mordecai
This is crazy!
Dude! I think it's the book!
Mordecai
What?!
Don't you get it?! The pancakes, Benson liking us, the work, this blizzard!
[Later, they drive the golf cart out from the garage and into the blistering blizzard to search for Skips]
Mordecai
Dude, how are we gonna find him? I can't see anything!
Just keep going! [they suddenly crash into a shadowy figure] What was that?!
[They get out of the cart and gasp in realization to see they've accidentally ran over…]
[They help Skips up and his right leg breaks, causing him to exclaim in pain]
Mordecai
Help me get him into the cart!
You wrote lies in the Book of Park Records?
Mordecai
Maybe…
Yeah, well… You're the one who made me stop writing. There was gonna be a super sweet ending with bazookas, and explosions, and a heli--
Mordecai
Rigby, the book! If everything we write in the book come true then all we got to do is… [gasps]
BBoth
We gotta find Benson.
I'll take that! I don't know what's been going on here or why you two jokers have my book, so you had better clean this mess up starting now, OR YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!!
Mordecai
What mess?
[looks around and sees no mess at all] Uh—
We did all the job you asked us to do.
…Skips, let's get outta here.
[Benson gets in the golf cart, then Benson and Skips drive away]
What? Still no appreciation plaques?
Hey, guys. What's with the cameras?
Mordecai
These? Um... we're making an indie documentary.
Mordecai
Yeah...it's pretty obscure...art-house stuff...
It's so indie, only one dude's gonna see it!
[on mic] It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Jobs". [on watch] Break's over!
Mordecai
Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.
Mordecai
Oh! Uh, hey, Benson! We were just getting back to work!
It's okay, Mordecai. I trust you.
Mordecai
Really?
Of course I do! Because now I have this! [sets up camera] Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system! Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time! 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember: I'm watching you. [walks away]
Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all!
You know who else has the best tacos in the city?
Dude, Benson will blow a fuse if he finds out we were slacking off!
You know who else would blow a fuse if she found out we were slacking off?
Mordecai
We don't have time for this!
You know who else doesn't have time for this!?
MRMordecai and Rigby
UGH!!
You know who else says "ugh"?! MY MOM!!!!
Mordecai
(groans) What now? Look, we're working. See!
Yeah, we're never gonna get done if you keep checking up on us!
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards Benson)
Mordecai
Yeah-yuh!
Aww, nice! My favorite day of the every other week!
Mordecai
Oh hey, Benson. What're you doin here?
I thought about what you guys said earlier and so I've come down to give you those checks you wanted.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Oh wow, thanks!
BUT now that I'm covered in BRAIN GOO, I realized my mistake! [shreds and throws checks] You want to waste your lives playing video games, then fine! I RESPECT YOUR DECISION!! JUST DON'T DO IT ON MY TIME EVER AGAIN!!
[beat.]
Mordecai
I can respect that.
Oh no, not this guy! We never beat this guy!
Mordecai
Dude, we're going to do it this time, come on! Hit him! Hit him!
I am hitting him! Nothing's happening!
Mordecai
Aw, dude! Try kicking him in the junk! Kick him in the junk! Kick him in the junk!
I'M kicking him in the junk!
Mordecai
Well, keep doing it!
Mordecai
It's us.
Mordecai
We wanna borrow your TV!
Mordecai
Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.
WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!
Mordecai
Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?
Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.
Mordecai
He's blue, with a black mullet.
[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]
Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)
[beat]
MRMordecai and Rigby
We gonna party!
Mordecai
Got some chips, got some dip!
Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!
Mordecai
I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!
Mordecai
HUMMUUS!
Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?
What!? Why would you wanna pay $50 to some dude to come to our house? What's he even gonna do? He's just gonna come and eat all our food.
Mordecai
Do you have a better idea?
Yes. I do. [he inserts a tape and starts playing a funky electronic tune, but Skips, Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost and Pops don't like it] YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEAAAHHH!!!!!
Regular Show · 562 quotes
