Stephen Fry quotes from QI

Stephen Fry

What are the three most manly games?

Alan Davies

It's not gonna be Tiddlywinks isn't it?

Stephen Fry

C is ultrapure water.

Sue Perkins

Can I have C?

Stephen Fry

That’s your choice?

Sue Perkins

Oh. No.

David Mitchell

To be fair, we don't know whether Sue meant C as in C or C as in sea.

Stephen Fry

You little devil.

Stephen Fry

There are lots of places in the UK named after mammaries. Can you name one?

Alan Davies

Boob Town.

Stephen Fry

[Laughing.] Boob Town? Can you name a real one?

Sue Perkins

Great Tit-chfield.

Alan Davies

The Mountains of Boob.

Sue Perkins

[Laughing.] The Mountains of Boob.

Alan Davies

I haven't understood any of the words so far.

Stephen Fry

Macerating, what do you think that means?

Alan Davies

No, I don't know. Something you do in the garden, I'd've thought.

Stephen Fry

No, that's masturbating.

Rhod Gilbert

You clearly have a much more private garden than I've got.

Stephen Fry

Which place in the world beginning with M holds the worlds deadest parties?

Alan Davies

Milton Keynes.

Stephen Fry

Bicycling did cause a lot of men to get rather angry and concerned about the fact that women were doing it. Do you know the reason?

Cariad Lloyd

Cos they were free. They were allowed to move.

Stephen Fry

Yes. Exactly.

Cariad Lloyd

If they move, what else are they gonna do? Vote? Think? Be allowed on panel shows? No! We’ve got to stop this! It’s dangerous.

Noel Fielding

I like the idea of the man coming home early from work and the wife’s in bed with a bicycle.

Alan Davies

[About the klaxon.] Why weren’t things going off then? If I’d said things, it would all have gone off!

Rhod Gilbert

Finally you’ve worked out the pattern.

Alan Davies

Whenever you guessing things, it goes off! That’s how it works. Just cos she’s a girl.

Stephen Fry

Oh, now.

Cariad Lloyd

Aw, she’s a girl who knew the right answer.

Stephen Fry

Who invented the motorway?

Alan Davies

Mr. Way.

Sandi Toksvig

I don't think it's possible to come on this programme and not discuss the penis.

Stephen Fry

Not while I've got breath in my body, Sandi

Stephen Fry

So it is the species that most has to be utterly motionless during sex that we've discovered.

Jo Brand

Is it nuns?

Alan Davies

I've never had, in 14 years, people eating sweets in the front row.

Stephen Fry

What the hell?

Alan Davies

And now I can't think about anything else!

Stephen Fry

You can have them back at the end of the lesson!

Jimmy Carr

I feel really bad for those people. 'Cause, obviously, you're just sat there watching an episode of QI and then, suddenly, the telly gets up and nicks your sweets!

Jimmy Carr

[On Stephen's 'posh' accent.] I know you think you’re doing a voice, but that is how you talk.

Stephen Fry

You're a beast.

Stephen Fry

Silver’s not a colour, no.

Jimmy Carr

Oh, I love this show.

Stephen Fry

It’s midsummer in the UK. To the nearest hour, what time does day become night?

Alan Davies

10?

Alan Davies

I was gonna say 1.

Jimmy Carr

Is it..? I’m only saying this, I’ve got no rationale at all, is it noon? Because it’s always something weird on this show. ‘Oh no, it’s actually night time in the middle of the day. You’re all idiots, you’ve been doing it wrong.’

Stephen Fry

In midsummer, there is no night in Britain.

Alan Davies

There’s no night. There’s no night, Danny. [Runs a hand over his face.]

Stephen Fry

It’s constant twilight.

Alan Davies

Oh, bollocks. It gets dark. [Runs both hands over his face.]

Jimmy Carr

Constant Twilight sounds like a really good indie album.

Stephen Fry

It does, doesn’t it?

Stephen Fry

When is the best time to charge your mobile phone?

Alan Davies

At night!

Stephen Fry

That’s good. Yeah. Might be.

Alan Davies

Oh, really? I thought that would go off. ‘There is no night, you fool!’