Alan Davies quotes from QI

Alan Davies

Pluto and Bangkok don’t exist. I’m scared to go out.

Alan Davies

...This question is for Stephen Fry.

Alan Davies

I don't understand why you can't have a—you know, like you used to have a cleaning tape for your cassette deck—you can't have a cleaning Tube? You'd just send a big furry train down …

Alan Davies

I took my nephews to London Zoo, because a friend of ours is a zoo-keeper there, and she can get you in sort of the back. And we went in to see a lion, and they said, "There's some mesh — there's small mesh and big mesh. You must stay on the side where the big mesh is. Don't go near the small mesh. Stay where the big mesh is. Do you understand?" And the kids went—[nods nervously] And we just went in, and my nephew turned to me and said, "What's mesh?"

Alan Davies

Blind them.

Alan Davies

I can't stand Call my Bluff. Why are we playing Call my Bluff? It's a shit game! We've invented a really good game, why are we playing a shit one?

Alan Davies

I did an advert with Patrick Moore, and I said: "So, Patrick, did they land on the moon?" And he looked so annoyed with me. He actually explained to me how he'd help to map the moon for NASA and how he'd spent years in the project, and the landing site was partly his idea… And if I ever spoke to him again, he was gonna be sick in my eyes.

Alan Davies

What an unusual serial killer that was. If only they had CSI Vienna.

Alan Davies

I’ve tried a scorpion, I’ve tried an ant. That’s it.

Alan Davies

Once you’ve got a baby, food on the floor really is fair game. If you didn’t eat food off the floor, you’re wasting about 90 quid a week.

Alan Davies

Historical death, if in doubt, syphilis.

Alan Davies

What does encyclopaedia mean? Because it sounds like a kiddy fiddler on a bike.